Nowhere Girl ~ John Lennon/The Beatles

Chapter Sixteen: Afterwards

Home might have only been a few streets away, but for Robin it was the longest walk ever.

She'd given up running as soon as she realised Ant wouldn't bother following her so she was instead walking rather slowly, trying to catch her breath and let her heart calm down considering it had been beating like a war drum. At first she'd thought of getting the bus but it would have only been a few stops so not worth it at all, and she thought the walk would help clear her mind, but if anything it just made her feel even more full of regrets. She felt stupid that she'd not listened to John, as well as stupid that she'd not just gone home with Albert after work. She'd left all of her stuff in his car, including her coat, and given the fact it was mid-November, she hated herself for her poor judgement.

Still though, it was better than being with Ant. Even if her hands were tingling they were that cold despite being shoved in her skirt pockets, and her feet rubbing in her shoes from running, her breath clouding out in front of her it was that cold, she was glad she was alone. It felt like old times, like she was back home when she only really had her own company, and it was almost comforting after the whirlwind she'd just been through. Her first relationship wasn't at all like how she'd imagined it to be, she never imagined she'd be insulted not just by her best friend for her choice in men, but by the person themselves. Maybe she had the right idea back at home, to stick to herself and trust no one with her feelings, because at least that way she'd avoid situations like the one she had just escaped from.

It could have been much worse, she kept thinking. What if he'd not have listened, or what if she had just continued to go along with it and pretend she was alright? Part of her was proud of herself for standing up for what she wanted, but another part of her felt stupid for even being there. She should have recognised Ant wasn't a nice guy, rather than being charmed by his flirts. She should have seen he was just complimenting her for the purpose of sleeping with her, she should have listened to her instincts whenever she felt uncomfortable, rather than believe that she was meant to feel uncomfortable just because she was new to courting.

As irritated as she was with herself, she also felt a little betrayed, because she had trusted Ant, and had even started to like him, really like him. The pessimist in her had known it would probably never last, but she'd liked someone calling her pretty, someone caring enough to meet her after work and listen to her. Now though she realised it had all been a lie. She'd heard about men lying to women just to get into bed with them, her mother had told her plenty of awful stories whenever she was drunk and in a bad mood, but she hadn't believed Ant was that sort of guy. Turns out he was.

Robin tried to put him out of her mind. She focused on the street in front of her, trying to stay in the dim light shone down by the streetlamps as the rest of the road seemed to have fallen to darkness all of a sudden. She listened to her heels clicking against the paving, focusing on it as a beat as she tried to take her mind off everything else, but by not thinking about Ant, she left herself open to thinking about how much further she had left to walk, as well as just how cold it was. She had been fighting it the entire walk, but she eventually felt herself shiver, and then she couldn't stop shaking from the cold. It felt as though it could snow, though she refused to think that because that was the last thing she needed, to be walking home through a snowstorm wearing heels and no coat.

Only another few houses to go, she kept telling herself, her vision focused so far in front she barely noticed that she was walking past the bus stop, or that a bus had just pulled up, it's doors opening and letting passengers off. Perhaps she wouldn't have noticed it at all, if not for someone bumping straight into her.

"Oi, watch where you're fucking going," she snapped, not in the mood for the inconvienience, barely looking up to see who it ever was.

"Watch who you're swearing at," a familiar voice snapped back, and when Robin looked up she realised it was John, her stomach clenching together into a tight ball when she saw his frown.