Discovery Diary in the Journey of Love

Retrouvailles

The entire restaurant is decked up. Perhaps because it is about Christmas time, or maybe because he is meeting his special someone after a long, long time. Or simply because it took both of them years to meet with what had happened earlier. Would she have forgotten everything and moved on? Would she have left the past and carried herself with an equal grace and strength like she usually did all the times I've known her? Would she be holding me responsible for why we couldn't make it the earlier time? What would've made her to bring herself to this place, to meet his past in me? I am not even sure if he sees me as her past, or her future or is it like the same for her till date – seeing present wherever she is and trying to cherish it to the fullest? Am I alone the one who is having so many questions, or would her head also posing her with such a questionnaire that went endlessly? Wait, why did I say her head would be posing her questions? It is supposed to be heart right, then why did I think of head? But even that is true I believe, she usually thinks and reacts with her brains unlike me giving one's heart all in what one does and forgetting everything else that matters or doesn't matter. But then, does it make her less like me, or does it maker her complement me that way?

I hardly find anything good to deal with when I proceed in such cases, why the hell does the transport have to be so pathetic in the city? What would he think of me when I am usually the one who reaches the destination at the last moment? It's not that he hasn't discover me do that though. All the years that are missing in between, I have perhaps remained the same and I guess he too wouldn't have changed much. But then, whatever happened between the two of us all these years back, would it have changed his perspective towards me? I am not even sure as to whether he would have let his past be in the past or let it soar high the way he used to enjoy his kites! Would he too be speculating over whether to think of future or to deal with the past first? He has been out since long, it's me who has stayed in my walls in those matters all this long perhaps, or may be its just me overthinking at every single point where I always don't need to? But then, would he still be the same guy who understood me so well, yet not at all and the same person who knew how to cheer me up and make me laugh, but then let it somewhere stay in the middle so that there need not be any choice to make? Am I doing the right thing by letting myself open up to him once again the way I did earlier, or should I still keep my heart under wraps like I have done since we became what we are now? But he usually thinks from the heart, and what if that times comes again where he needs to understand where I come from, and that not always the heart wants what it wants? What if he doesn't get that, it takes a heart to fall in love but it takes a brain and a really good effort to let the heart have what it deserves?

Why is she getting so late? Why does she always make me wait? Doesn't she know its important for us to meet after such long? Or maybe, its casual on her side for us to meet? Maybe she is not at all thinking from my side of things? What if I am all into it, and she is totally far away? Would she also have been waiting for me all this long? Yes, of course. Else why would she agree to meet me after all these years? But then, she might meet me up also because we are the closest of friends perhaps. I am not sure if I've ever had someone who understands me so well, have I? Or do I now, for that matter? But then, would she have someone in her life, and this one be a polite yes to not deny what we shared for years, and still continue to share? Wait, do we still share the same that we used to...

Why is the road too long? But then, would he be thinking about me all this while? Would he be trying to imagine the way I used to look before all these years, and still find me to be as beautiful as he used to? Would he be able to understand what I went through all these years, when we were far apart? Would he be as acceptable as he was before and be able to hear me all out in case I need to speak it all to him? But wait, I definitely must speak to him about all of it in complete detail. He definitely needs to know of it before anything starts off between us. But then, has anything not already started between us? For that matter, has anything ever come to a stop between us? I guess it already has...

Jaa khore ik chashma bani howangi
Te jivan jharneya da paani udd da
Main pani diyan bunda
Tere pinde te malangi
Te ik thandak jahi banke
Teri chhaati de naal lagaangi
Main hor kuch nahi jaandi
Par ena jaandiyan
Ki waqt jo vi karega
Ae janam mere naal turega

Ae jism mukkda hai
Tan sab kuch mukk janda-e
Par cheteyan dey dhaage
Kaayenaati kana dey hunde
Main unha kana nu chunagi
Dhageyan nu walangi
Te tainu fir milaangi

Main, tainu phir milaangi

(Translated as:

Maybe I will become a spring
And the water that sprouts from it
I'll rub its droplets on your body
I'll become the coolness from it
That rests on your burning chest
I don't know anything else
But I know this much
That no matter what time does
This life will walk along with me.

This body? It perishes.
Everything does.
But the threads of memory
Are woven such
That the universe resides in its every bead
I will pick those tiny beads
I will weave the threads
And then.. I will meet you again.

And it rains...