The forest is nice.
I walk around.
Breath the fresh air.
I decide to hike.
There's this big mountain.
I climb up it.
When I reach the top I see something.
No.
It can't be.
Shrek's swamp.
I've wanted to come here for years.
I climb down.
I knock on the door.
Fiona answers.
She gets angry.
She says it's her swamp.
Even though it's Shrek's.
Shrek walks to the door.
He says it's okay.
He says I'm nice.
She gives me a sneer.
I give her one too.
Shrek says I can have lunch.
There are onions and bugs all around.
Delicious.
Shrek asks how my day has gone.
I say good.
I say Farquad is gone for good.
We all laugh.
Except Fiona.
The kids say da-da.
I think Shrek is their favorite parent.
He picks them up and gives them onion milk bottles.
He's a great father.
I can't wait until we have kids.
I need to go to the bathroom.
I walk outside to the outhouse.
I see a note in it.
It's from Fiona.
It says step away from my man.
Bitch please.
He's mine.
I walk back in with a smug look on my face.
Fiona looks angry.
Shrek says we should have fun.
We have a mud bath together.
Fiona "accidentally pushes me" in the mud.
She tried to drown me.
That bitch ass hoe need to stop.
The sun starts to set.
Shrek says we should go inside.
We walk into the living room.
Shrek says I can sleep on the couch.
Him and Fiona leave.
I hear shouting.
I walk to the bedroom.
I peek through the door.
Fiona says I'm a fuckboy that needs to go away.
Shrek says that's crazy.
What would I do without Shrek.
They just go to bed.
After a few minutes I sneak in.
With a knife.
Covered in poison.
I stab Fiona.
She doesn't make a single noise.
I wake up Shrek.
I say we should do it.
I make humping gestures.
He looks at Fiona.
He says she might wake up.
I show him the knife.
He nods.
I push Fiona off the bed.
I take my clothes off.
So does Shrek.
I lay on top of him.
He's so sexy.
We have shrex.
It's amazing.
Then the kids walk in.
They ask where Mommy is.
I say she died.
They cheer.
I say I'll be your new parent.
One of them hugs me.
He's so cute.
I think I like my new family.
