The Unskillful Thaumaturge

III

"We're going to Anthro now, Lillian," Daria informed her roommate, standing over her bunk. Leslie came up to join Daria, touching her on the shoulder. "Let's just go. Lillian will figure it out. She doesn't have class for a while anyway."

Lillian rolled over. "Mgst. Mssfo!" she insisted, still half-asleep.

Daria shook her head and walked out the door after Leslie, muttering something about night owls and procrastination. "Lmsoo?" Lillian mumbled into her pillow, rolling out of bed and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"Oh. You've already left," she realized under her breath. "Well, there you go."

An hour later, Lillian was taking a short break from her quantum homework when she noticed a small sticky note on her desk. Written on the note was a short URL and Leslie's signature. Lillian smiled- as she typed the URL into her search bar- Leslie liked to share funny articles with her and Daria. A news article popped up, and Lillian laughed out loud as she read the title.

10 Most Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories about the Thaumatogenesis

Smiling, she scrolled down.

Government Fraud Theory

This fairly familiar theory states that the Thaumatogenesis did not happen at all, thaumaturgy is not real, and all films that depict such are altered to support this government ruse. Like those who deny the Apollo moon landings or similar events, these people refuse to believe the evidence.

Triple Deity Theory

The famous footage of the Thaumatogenesis shows two people who are present before the explosion and yet are still present after the explosion has taken place. According to this theory, these two people are deities who took pity on the human race and decided to provide us with thaumaturgical powers while ridding the world of the people who perished in the explosion (bad deities). This also states that the baby found at the scene is the child of a mental union between these two surviving deities, both of whom later disappeared in the footage.

Physical Manipulation Theory

This theory states that physicists in classified labs at the location of the Thaumatogenesis were experimenting with dangerous materials when they caused a gamma ray burst that ended up finding the "on" switch for everyone's thaumaturgy genes. These physicists were the people who died in the explosion.

Alien Theory #1

Our thaumaturgy genes come from an alien species that interbred with humans hundreds of thousands of years ago. This alien species was having some kind of war which ended up spreading to Earth and culminating in the gamma ray burst which activated those genes.

Release Theory

Some spiritual force was released into the world via the gamma ray burst that was the Thaumatogenesis. This, and not the burst itself, was the cause of the worldwide gene activation.

Time Travel Theory

This theory states that the burst was caused by an issue with a time machine people were experimenting with, and that the gene activation was caused by the release of a futuristic technology.

AI Theory

One of the more far-fetched theories, this states that the cause of the Thaumatogenesis was the release of a genetically engineered virus designed by an artificial intelligence that had reached consciousness. Said AI and its first subjects were destroyed in the explosion (for which there is no explanation).

Alien Theory #2

A large network of advanced alien species was responsible for the burst and its consequences. They also secretly genetically engineered humans by manipulating the flu vaccines. Don't ask.