BRILLIANT Y/N. HAIKYUU

chapter sixteen

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
chapter sixteen
want some new face
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

It was something you had always known, and always hated, the fact that in some people, you could see other people. The people your age especially, you realized, tended to mimic opinions and thoughts of others, until they aligned completely with their own, and everything merged into one, so that you could no longer distinguish one from the other. People spoke with invisible quotation marks, not even realizing how their words sounded off to you, stiff, and maybe even pretentious. You hated it, hated people like that, and you always had.

Sometimes, you'd see characteristics of this in your friend, Tooru, and it was something that always worried you. When you felt your insecurities, you'd wonder if he could really be trusted with them. At one time, during that time of confusion, where your body first started changing due to puberty, and you felt as though there was a second living organism joining you in your body, you even felt that his answers, no matter what, were lies. While you always trusted Hajime, you found yourself unable to award Tooru with that same trust.

It was because of those quotation marks, and because of that lack of reality that you attributed to him. Maybe not rightfully so.

This fear, this distrust, you remembered had even at one time revealed itself in a petty, unnecessary fight. It was completely your fault, but at the time, you didn't know, didn't care, and didn't feel like you had to take responsibility for it.

Tooru had once mentioned something to you about your hair. It was a very innocent remark, meant even in a nice way, but your reaction showed that whatever he said, and he said a lot, you would no matter what understand it in a way that painted him as a figure unworthy of trust. It was a confusing time.

"Did you do something new with your hair, Y/n-chan?"

"No, I didn't do anything."

"You look different."

"What's wrong with my hair?" What's wrong with me?

"Nothing." Did that nothing of his mean 'everything'?

"If you noticed something now, it means that there is now something wrong."

"No. It looks nice, Y/n-chan."

"You lie."

"I just said it looks different! But a good different."

"You lie."

"You're so difficult, Y/n-chan! Why do you always do this?"

"I'm not. You just always lie. I don't want to hear your voice anymore, I'm going home."

The next day, of course, you apologized for your horrible behavior, but Tooru wasn't upset, said he understood, even teased you about your out of bound emotions, and never bothered to bring up the conversation again. Yes, that was also something he did. Whenever you caused trouble, and fought with him, he would later switch the word 'fight' to 'discussion' and finally to 'conversation', and then he would continue treating you the way he always had, as if you had done nothing wrong, as if you could do nothing wrong.

And while you appreciated this, you took away two things from this conversation. One, despite the fact that you often hurt him with words, Tooru acted as if those instances never happened, and pretended at all times that everything was fine; and two, that whenever he spoke, once again with that pretending quality, he used quotation marks. How often had people on this planet used the words "No, you look nice" or "No, don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you", while lying directly to your face? And was he using those quotation marks, too, when he said "No, everything is fine, Y/n-chan!"?