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Chapter 3

We just got back from our rehearsal and we have the rest of the day for ourselves so Yoona and I decided to hang out in my apartment since she also has no schedule today.

"Love, are you ready?" I asked as I was gathering the things I need to bring

[Yes, should I go there first?] Yoona asked making me pout

"I want to fetch you!" I whined, trying my best to get her to say yes.

[Silly, you know you can't. It's too dangerous, and besides, it's just a couple of minute's walk from my apartment.] I heard a door closed from her line so I guess she's already going to my apartment

"Fine! I'll be there as soon as I can." We bid our goodbyes before I ended the call

We were given a day off after weeks of endless rehearsals so Yoona and I planned on meeting up in my apartment. As usual, we'll just watch some movies, catch up, and eat. We both thought that we wouldn't be given another chance to meet up before our tour but I was so glad that PD-nim asked our manager to give us a day-off so we can just relax. I was about to open the front door when Namjoon hyung called me.

"Where are you going?" He asked and gestured at the huge bag, full of my clothes and snacks, I am carrying.

"Date night hyung!" Just the thought of it makes me smile, but it immediately faltered when Namjoon hyung released a sigh

"I'm sorry Taehyung-ah. Manager hyung said that we need to go live tonight, maybe you can schedule your date some other time." He looked at me with pleading eyes and I know that I can't say no since it's manager hyung's order. 

"I'll just be out quick then! I will return before the live starts." I tried my best to be optimistic but the look on his face kills my hope.

We've been promoting endlessly for weeks already! It's supposed to be our day off so what's with all the schedule that we have to meet? If we'll be forced to go live and promote, why did they even gave us a day off? It's all nonsense now, isn't it?

"We're starting the live now," Hyung said and pointed at the room where we usually held our live. I'm guessing that the other members are there already. That must be the reason why no one teased me before leaving.

"Okay! The live will probably just be an hour or two so I'll just leave after." I put my bag down and fished my phone out to inform Yoona but before I can even open my phone, Namjoon hyung already stopped me.

"No, Taehyung, manager hyung will come here soon because we have a sudden change in schedule." Those words made me felt like I'm carrying all the problems in the world. 

Why are they so fond of suddenly changing our schedule? They also seem to do everything they can to make sure that we have no free time to do other things to make us happy and feel normal.

"We won't have any day off for another week so I suggest you don't make other plans yet," Namjoon hyung looks at me with pity. 

I can't even message nor call Yoona every day because of our schedule and it's starting to affect our relationship. There's no change in how Yoona treats me but whenever we plan things like meeting up, it always sounds like Yoona already knows that it won't happen.

"Next week?" I prayed to all the gods that hyung will bring me some good news but of course that's impossible.

"It's the start of our Tour remember? We won't be back for a few months," 

I feel so desperate right now. It's been so long since Yoona and I had last seen each other and once our tour starts, it'll be 10x harder for us to find a chance to meet. 

"Hyung, please just tell them that I am sick that's why I can't be on live. I can't be with Yoona on her day already. Please let me go today! This might be the last time that we can meet before we go on the tour that lasts for 8 months. Please help me out just this once. Please hyung." I was just about to get down on my knees, willing to beg so desperately to let me go just this night when manager hyung entered.

"Taehyung-ah, please just cooperate with us." 

I don't know what came to me. Maybe all the mixed emotions, the anger, the sadness, the disappointment, despair, and frustration just got too much that I had to snap. So I did.

"When did I ever not cooperate with you? I'm just asking for one night and you can't even give it to me." I chuckled before walking back into my room, not waiting for anyone to say anything and calling Yoona. 

I feel so mad about all this that's happening and I can't blame anyone other than manager hyung. He's the one who arranges our schedule and talking to him now just makes my anger rise. I don't know how to explain this to Yoona. I don't know what to say which must be stupid since this isn't the first or second time I stood her up.

[You can't make it.] Bitterness laced her voice, not even bothering to greet me. It's as if she knew what I was going to say. Yoona seemed so used to it and that just breaks my heart.

"I'm so sorry sweets, I tried my best to convince them but they just really won't let me." I sighed

It hurts me so much knowing that she's getting used to me canceling our plans. This isn't what a good boyfriend does and I feel so terrible. It makes me feel like I've never done anything good for her. 

[It's okay Tae, I totally understand. Actually, Bogum asked me to hangout earlier so I'll just go with him. Don't think about it too much, I don't want you to stress yourself.] That's all she said before hanging up, not even a goodbye but I really can't blame her.

I threw my bag to the floor before going to the room where the members are. They all looked at me with a worried look but I just ignored them and sat at the very end. The live started but I don't feel like talking so I just stared at nothing and let them do all the talk. After an hour, the live ended and we immediately went to our van and drove to the place where we'll shoot Run BTS.

Taetae
Yoonaaa~
Are you with Bogum hyung already?
Enjoy your time okay?

I waited for Yoong's reply until we already reached our shooting location but she still hasn't seen it. I just let out a sigh before following the other members in.

"Taehyung-ah, please don't put up a poker face. ARMY thought that you aren't fine because of your look earlier. You should upload a picture and tell them you're doing great." Manager hyung tapped my shoulder before leaving me

I let another deep sigh out before taking a picture and uploading it on Twitter with the caption 'I'm sorry'. I decided to scroll through Twitter before the shoot starts when the top trending news caught my eye.

SNSD's Lim Yoona and actor Park Bogum caught together in an amusement park. The two seemed so close that the fans are suspecting that they are dating. Many fans are already supportive and shi...

I didn't bother to continue reading as doing so just hurts my heart more. That should be me. I'm the one who's supposed to be with Yoona right now. I'm the one who should be making her smile and laugh like that. But no, she's with Bogum hyung right now, and here I am about to shoot a Run BTS episode. 

"Taehyung, what are you still doing there? The shoot is about to start!" Manager hyung shouted and motioned me over to the center where all the other members are getting their makeup retouched.

Nothing left my mouth, not even a sigh nor a groan, to express how I really feel right now. The emptiness and pain are too much but what's there to do about it? I'm sure Yoona's feeling much worse than me that's why instead of getting jealous of her and Bogum hyung, like how I usually am, I just wanted to thank hyung for keeping her from thinking about me for a while. At least someone can make her happy after I made her feel like shit. 

The shoot for Run! BTS was nothing like the usual. Before I always felt like time flew so fast but now I feel like it's torturingly slow as if it wants to punish me even more. I don't think it's fun even though everyone's laughing their ass off. But of course, I had to join them otherwise our fans will 'think' that I'm not fine again. Why do I have to keep pretending? I don't want to do this anymore.