Changed.

Morning Talks.

Ian's POV

I lay on my bed after having another haunting nightmare. I'd been having nightmares more frequently but never like this...Anthony was never in them. Let alone committing suicide in them.

I grabbed my phone and saw that it was only 4 AM. I let out a sigh and closed my eyes.

It was only a dream. I knew that. Why couldn't I shake the thought out of my head. What if it was a sign?

I instantly felt sick at the idea. At that point, I knew I couldn't go back to sleep tonight.

I got up and went to the kitchen to get my keys. I had to go check on Anthony. I didn't care what time it was, I needed to make sure he was fine.

I drove over and my mind was going crazy the whole way there.

I quietly let myself in and walked silently down the hall to his room.

I found him curled up on his left side. Pip was stretched out next to him. Anthony was shirtless and the sheets lay gently on his legs. His hair was messy and his cheeks were pink. He looked so peaceful and childlike.

I stood in the door frame and watched him sleep for a few more minutes before I decided he was okay.

I didn't want to drive home so I went and laid down in the guest room. As I began to drift off, the image of Anthony's limp body flashed through my head again.

--

I woke up on my side and blinked a few times before realizing I wasn't home. I looked at the nightstand and saw it was 10:27 AM.

I stretched and made my way to the kitchen. Anthony was getting the carton of orange juice out of the fridge when I walked in.

I stood quietly at the counter before Anthony turned around.

"Whoa, Ian when did you get here?" He asked, clearly startled.

"Oh, um, I kind of came over late last night. I was worried about you," I explained sheepishly.

Anthony stared into my eyes and smiled softly. "No worries."

I smiled back and sat down at the table. He came and sat across from me.

He sipped his orange juice and looked at me questioningly.

"So why were you worried about me?" Anthony asked quietly, no longing looking into my eyes.

I looked down at his hands. They were both wrapped around the small glass. They seemed like they'd be icy but comforting. I looked back up at his eyes.

"It sounds silly but I had a really bad nightmare about you, yeah I know real funny, haha," I smirked, waiting for him to laugh.

He brought his eyes up to mine and didn't seem amused.

"So last night...when you said you really cared about me, did you mean it?" Anthony wondered.

The more I thought about it, the more I wished I hadn't have said that yesterday. All it did was make things awkward between us.

"Of course I did. You're my best friend," I replied, though it felt weird calling him that out loud.

I saw Anthony's grip tighten around the glass. He smiled slightly. He ran his fingers through his messy morning hair and sighed.

"Tell me what's been wrong," I said softly.

His eyes flicked around the room and he coughed.

"What do you mean?"

"Anthony, it's obvious something's been bothering you. What is it?"

He took a shaky breath. I didn't realize how upset Anthony was until I saw his hands grow tighter around the empty glass.

"Where do I start?" Anthony asked.

"How about what happened at the park?" I offered.

"Okay, yeah sure," Anthony cleared his throat and began to speak.

"You know on roller coasters when you reach the top? There's that second long lag that seems like ages. You sit there at the highest point, looking at tons of happy people at the amusement park. All laughing and smiling. And there you are. Your stomach feels twisted up, like someone reached inside you and flipped everything upside down. A-And your chest. Your chest is so tight it feels like you can hardly breathe. Then the cart tips and you fall. You fall hard and fast. It's terrifying."

I looked into Anthony's deep brown eyes. The fear in his eyes was heart breaking. His hands were no longer around the glass. The were flat on the table and shaking slightly. Anthony looked up at me, totally silent. I smiled softly and gently placed my hand on his forearm, signaling him to continue.

"That fear is what I felt yesterday in the park. I felt like I couldn't escape my own skin and honestly, that's the most horrifying part of all. I'm trapped," He said under his breath. "I'm trapped," He repeated and looked into my eyes.

I didn't know what to say or even what to do. I remained silent until I saw a tear escape from his eye. It trailed down his cheek and followed his jawline.

He looked up at me and that's when I saw it. That's when I saw how broken he really was. He no longer had the playful glint in his eyes. His eyes were full of utter despair. They were two dark pools of sadness that'd he been drowning in for God knows how long.

"Everything's changing and I don't know how to stop it, Ian." He muttered, barely audible.

---hey guys! tysm for reading also I used the attached picture bc anthonys messy/morning hair is hella cute anyways love you all---