Chapter 18

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I'll do something new in the next few chapters, i'll include the ‚pov' of a person so you know who's thinking right now.💗

Bella pov:
I broke down crying right then and there. I sat down on the floor and cried and called his name.

Draco pov:
I can hear her cry and call my name but i stayed strong, i didnt turn around. I felt bad for what i did to her, i somehow destoryed her life.

I shoudl've never pulled her in that classroom and let her think that i was Weasley. I shoul've never let her come to my dorm and stay the night with me. I should've mever yelled at her and push her in that stupid classroom...shes roght, i never got her permission...does that make me a...a rapist?

I feel so fucking bad. I feel so bad for what i've said to her. I calles her a bad person...but actually i am the bad person. Im such a bad person i cant imagine someone being worse than me!

Why does she love me? Well, why did she love me...she probably didnt. She probably lied so i wouldnt be embaressed or something. She's such a good person! God im such an asshole.

She deserves better...she deserves Weasle- George. She deserves George. He makes her happy, i can tell. How he makes her smile and how she's comftarble around him. The way she looks at him, she never looked at me like that. She loves him and so does he.
He always looked at her, while she was talking to me, while she was eating, while she was talking, smiling, laughing...his eyes were on her all the time.

I cant imagine how he felt after he found out about what we did the first time in that classroom. Im so sorry.

I called her selfish, what am i? I fucked her in that classroom letting her think i was George and just because i was in love with her. I knew she was already together with George but i did it anyways. Because i am selfish.

I only think about myself and how i can make myself happy, i dont care about the feeling of others, i dont care if i would hurt anyone. I dont care about anyone.

I was thinking so much about what i've done in the past time that i didnt notice that im on the astronomy tower.
Its raining. Its cold. Its morning but its dark because of the clouds. I leaned myself against the fraimwork.

The tower is very high, if i fell off of it, i would definitly die. Die. That sound peacefull. I could be gone and wouldnt have to watch Bella be happy with someone else. I would finally be gone.

I bet everyone would throw a party for my death, they would celebrate it as if it was a birthday or something, i just know they would. My father wouldnt care if i was alive or not, he doesent like me, he hates me, im sure about that. But my mother, she would be hearbroken, she would only have my father and no one else, she would lose everything.

Bella would probably be releaved that her rapist is dead. She would be happy that no one is standing between her and George now. She would be happy that nobody bullies her brother anymore or her brothers friends...

Friends. I dont have friends. Wow, i dont have friends, Crabbe and Goyle dont count as friends, these two idiots are scared of me, theyre slaves, they would do anything for me its annoying.

Blaise and i arent so close, he doesemt count as a friend and Pansy, Pansy is not a friend. She is obsessed with me its so annoying, she does everything to earn my attention, she isnt a friend.

I dont have any other people to count as ‚friends'. The rest of the school fears me, they fear my father. No one of them would like to be my friend.

I lost Bella, she was my only friend...not anymore, i hurt her, mentally and probably physically.
I will be alone for the rest of my life, i lost everything...

I want to junp off the tower, but i cant.

I have so many reasons to jump...

I start crying. Im in so much pain. Mentall pain. It hurts me that i've hurt so many people and never apologised.
I deserve the pain. I deserve every kind of pain. Im a monster. I deserve to die.

I took a deep breath and got ready to jump, i closed my eyes and got closer to the framework.

But my eyes opend, i looked down and saw how deep i would fall. I couldnt let go.

I gave up and went back inside, i went to my dorm and layed down on my bed. I wont go to school today. I cant.
I couldnt stop thinking about Bella and how i hurt her...i hope the child isnt mine, and if it was i want George to take care of it. Maybe i wont even be alive for its birth.

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