Beyond All Expectation (Percabeth)

Chapter 18: Hurt

Annabeth POV:

Please don't judge me. Don't make me feel worse than I already do. I know I was out of line. But the truth is I'm scared, vulnerable, weak... whatever you want to call it. I'm not as brave as I want to be. 

There I was, staring at Percy, crying over yet another person who had destroyed me, Luke. I had let Luke in, passed my defenses, and he had broken me from within. That's what people do to me. So when Percy started saying all these nice things, telling me he liked me, I could feel my defenses lowering for him... and I panicked. I wouldn't let him hurt me. Especially not now. 

So I had to hurt him. 

I started saying all these things about him and his friends; none of it was true. I just thought of all the nastiest things I could think of in hopes that it would hurt him. If he saw me as the villain, if he hated me, then he would leave me alone and I wouldn't have to worry about him again. But I had never felt so wrong about something in my life. 

I didn't even care that he started yelling nasty things back to me. If anything, what he was saying was the truth. It was deserved. But I still couldn't stop myself from crying, because deep down I knew that, even if I turned him away, I still cared for him and cared about his opinion of me. He hated me. He always had. I could see it in the rage in his eyes. 

But there was so much... pain, in his eyes, too. I had hurt him more than he deserved, and it was breaking me apart. I was being so selfish, hurting him to protect myself. And I hated myself for it. What are you doing, Annabeth? Don't you see how upset he is? Don't you realize that you need him? Don't you realize that you love him?

"Go," I ordered, wanting him to stay. But he left, and I sank to the floor. 

Things only got worse from there. It was like Nemesis had watched how cruel I had been and thought of all the worse ways to get revenge. 

When I checked my phone thirty minutes later, I had another missed call from Thalia. 

"Hey, Annabeth, when are you gonna pick up your phone? I'm crashing at this guys place tonight and I'm free all day tomorrow if you want to meet up. Let me know when you're free, I miss you so muc-"

I deleted the message. 

I then decided to call Luke. I was feeling reckless, and guilty, and self-pitying and so full of hate. I had to tell him how I felt.

"Well, hello, Baby," his smug voice answered the phone. "What a pleasant surprise."

"We're over, you dickhead," I shouted into the microphone. 

"Wha-what," he chuckled nervously. "What... are you... talking about."

"I know about you and Thalia."

"Thalia... Thalia? What do you mean? Thalia who?"

I scoffed. I was so angry I didn't even feel like crying anymore. "Gods... you are such an asshole. Look, I know about you and Thalia so we're over. I never want to see you again. This was a mistake from the beginning and I should have seen it sooner."

"Wait, wait, Baby, calm down, we can talk this through, we can-"

"-What's there to talk about? Come near me again and I'll fucking end you."

"Wait, please don't do this. I'm sorry, okay? I can make this up to you-"

A thought popped into my head. "-This isn't up for debate. We're done, end of story. And if you don't tell Thalia what you've done within the next twenty-four hours then I will deliver the news to her myself. I can't believe you, Luke... actually, scratch that, I can."