Wine Woods

29. Tired Nights

Alfred blew out a breath of tobacco, closing his eyes.  A wave of euphoria washed over him and he sighed, opening his eyes. He looked around- he was hanging out the window, one arm tucked under him and the other holding his cigarette. The hallway was still empty, nobody around to bother him. All he wanted now was to be left alone.

He was still stressed, even though he had already succeeded in getting the money. He didn't enjoy any of this, everything to him was only discomfort. It was difficult to explain, like his body was full of an empty pit. He despised it, wanting only to make it disappear. He wondered if it was loneliness, before shaking his head.

"Mom?" Georgia called, wrapping her arms around his leg. He leaned back, taking another quick breath of smoke before looking down at her.

"Is there anything wrong?" he asked, gently, his voice straining. He was trying to seem neutral to this, even though he really wanted to be left alone. That's all he felt now, lonely, and the will to be alone. 

"Are you okay?" he felt bad that a child felt the need to ask that, especially at such a young age. She should be trying to keep her youth- not be like him. He'd grown up too quickly, and now he regretted every decision he'd ever made.

Well, besides meeting Ivan. That was one he could live with. 

"Yes, darling, I am fine. I just need some alone time," he replied, running a hand through her hair. She looked up to him curiously- as if she expected that answer but didn't expect to hear it from him. 

"Something's wrong."

"What is it darling?"

"You're lying to me. You told me lying was wrong."

He was startled, staring down at his child with an open mouth. He didn't understand how she knew that, how she had somehow understood he was lying even though he himself didn't know he was lying. Then, he thought. Had he been lying? Is his own mind so frizzed he couldn't understand what the hell he was thinking?

He decided then that he wasn't, even though in his subconscious he still wasn't sure. 

"Come on, Alabama and Mississippi are fighting in the hallway," she paused for a second, recognizing she was getting no response from her dear mother, "and Louisiana and Arkansas are sneaking food from the kitchen."

He seemed to become a little more alive then, shaking his head before holding his temple in one hand. Alfred did not feel up to parenting, but he knew if he didn't do it then nobody would. That was something his children needed. He'd been abandoned, he did not want his children to feel the same way.

"Come along," he said, walking out of the hallway. Georgia gripped onto his hands tightly, leading him to where her siblings were at the moment. It was something he never understood. Most children in their childhood years couldn't stand each other, and yet his own stuck together, as if they had nobody else to turn too.

Delaware was currently chewing out Louisiana and Arkansas. Seemed someone had beat him to parenting his own children.

He knew the sun was starting to set over the horizon, the orange and black and gold starting to coat the sky with an elegance of doing it every day for billions of years. 

"Louisiana, Arkansas, are you not getting enough to eat at meals?" he asked. He was gentle about this question- he never wanted his children to feel like they had to sneak food. If they were hungry, they could eat. It was very simple.

"Um..." Louisiana- she was still so young, looking up with him with the same innocence he had once seen in every one of his children's eyes, the innocence that eventually faded as they learned to understand they'd been born into a life only of misery.

"Speak, my dear, I want to know what's going through your head."

"No," she said, her voice firm, "Uncle Valtio asked for it. He was leaving for the night and didn't want anyone to know."

"Thank you for telling me," he replied, patting her on the head. He tried to control his temper in front of his children, it was something he did not want inherited by them. 

Georgia gripped onto his arm when he turned to leave, and he saw the innocence leave her eyes. That was the moment she had realized everything. It was late on her part, both of her sisters had already lost their own spark, but it still tugged at his heart. He never wanted them to suffer, yet he understood that was something needed to create a greater understanding of the world. 

He knew that they would always have someone behind them, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that he understood that to be the first moment of growing up. It was the first step to the chicks leaving the nest, something he wasn't willing to let happen. There was too much misery in the world.

Alfred stepped where she stepped, sitting down on the couch she led him too, before climbing up and cuddling into his arm. Louisiana followed suite, coming to be under his other arm, and he relaxed. He remembered a time when all he had to do was give his children affection, but it seemed as if that age had long since passed.

Yet, for a moment he allowed himself to believe he was back there, with Ivan at his side and his children scattered about, all of them happy. He willed for it to be back like it was, in a different world. One where death was no more, and there was no war around to tear families apart.

"Mom?" Louisiana called, and he looked over to him, studying her carefully, "What is dad like?"

"He is an honorable man, who serves his country without question and is always there for his own people," Alfred hummed, "he is kind and loving, and I'm sure he would love to meet you."