Tomorrow's Blues

39. Birthday

I didn't see Joseph for a few days. I texted him when I started to get worried, and all he replied with was, 'I'm okay. Staying at a friend's'. And that was it. No kiss, no 'I'll be back soon'. The atmosphere in the Moore house was tense and worried. This time, they did seem to be concerned where Joseph was. My mind kept drifting to places I didn't want it to drift to – I kept having thoughts that Joseph was with his ex. Pictures of Joseph kissing some other, beautiful girl filled my mind, although I tried not to let them. This whole thing was bringing out a nasty, jealous side of me that I hadn't seen before. But I couldn't help it.

During these days, I'd been talking to Pierre a lot on the phone. He'd found us a flat with two beds and two baths, right in the centre of town. It was in his budget, and from the pictures he'd sent me, it looked perfect. He'd made his offer and it had been accepted. There was a bunch of legal stuff he had to do which I knew nothing about, but once the contract was signed, everything was pretty much sorted.

I ordered Joseph a present or two – a leather paintbrush holder with his initials on, as well as a new sketchbook. I hadn't seen a paintbrush holder in his room at all so I thought it was something he might need. The sketchbook was green – emerald green – and on the back of it, I'd added an inscription that said 'Joseph – to paint all your travels. With love, Lily'. I'd been very uncertain about putting the 'with love', but I thought it was a normal thing to write on presents and in cards.

But it got to Joseph's birthday, and he still didn't come home. The only thing I'd heard from him still was that one text. At this point, I was started to get mad at him. I knew he had a lot on his plate, and I didn't understand the full situation, but I thought I was important enough to him that he would at least come back after a couple of days. Mark, Catherine and Alice were starting to get pissed, too. They'd planned for us all to go out for Joseph's birthday despite their rocky relationship, and now he wasn't even here. I had work at Melissa's during the day, but Millie wasn't there to ask if she knew where he was. I messaged him to say, 'Happy birthday Joseph. Please come back x'. No reply. The evening rolled around, and he still wasn't back. Mark and Catherine kept exchanging glances, and Alice barely ate any supper, just pushing food around on her plate. We all went to bed in low moods. I probably wouldn't be able to sleep, even though I needed to. I was exhausted.

When I knew sleep wasn't coming, I moved to my desk and sat with a pen in my hand and a piece of paper in front of me. Words started to flow, surprisingly. I wrote until my hand started to ache, and by then it was 1 in the morning. For a while I just sat at my desk, staring out the window into the dark, so many different thoughts racing through my mind.

And then my door opened. I sharply twisted round to see Joseph come into my room. Our eyes met, and he gently pushed the door shut behind him. I didn't say anything. Neither did he. I slowly stood, debating between hugging him because I'd missed him, or hitting him because I was mad at him. My choice was made for me when Joseph closed the distance between us and pulled me into his arms. I opened my mouth to object, but then I breathed him in, and couldn't find the strength in me to pull away. His scent and touch were so warm and familiar that I couldn't help but hug him back. Joseph tightened his arms around me, his nose and lips skimming my hair.

"I'm mad at you," I said, the sound slightly muffled as my cheek was pressed against his shoulder.

"I know." I felt him sigh deeply, but he didn't let go. I eventually found the willpower to push him away, immediately missing the contact. I crossed my arms to keep myself from touching Joseph, frowning as I met his gaze.

"Where have you been?" I hardened my voice, letting all the annoyance I was feeling at him rise to the surface.

Joseph looked away. "I've... I've been thinking."