Some guidelines for reforming the home.✔

Good Manners At Home

17.Spreading kindness in home.

Aai'shah (RA) said the Massenger of Allah (pbuh) said: When Allah (may He be glorified) wills some good towards the people of a household He introduces kindness among them.
(Reported by Imam Ahmed in al-Musnad, 6/71)

According to another report: When Allah loves the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.
(Reported by Imam Ibn Abi al-Dunya and others, Saheeh al-Jaami No.1704)

In other words they start to be kind to one another. This is one of the means of attaining happiness in the home, for kindness is very beneficial between the spouses and with the children and brings results that cannot be acheived through harshness as the prophet (pbuh) said Allah loves kindness and rewards it in such away that He does not reward for anything else.
(Reported by Imam Muslim Kitaab al-Birr wal Sillah wal Adaab no.2592)

22. Helping ones wife with housework.

Many men think that housework is beneath them, and some of them think that it will undermine their status and position if they help their wives with this work.

The massenger of Allah (pbuh) however used to sew his own clothes mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes.
(Reported by Imam Ahmed in al-Musnad 6/121)

This was said by his wife Aai'sha (RA) when she was asked about what the Massenger of Allah (pbuh) used to do in his house. Her response described what she herself had seen.

According to another report she had said: He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself.
(Reported by Imam Ahmed in al-Musnad, 6/256)

She (RA) was also asked about what Massenger of Allah (pbuh) used to do in his house and she said, He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray.
(Reported by al-Bukhari al-Fath 2/162)

Some men demand food instantly from their wives when the pot is on the stove and the baby is screaming to be fed, they do not pick up the child or wait a little while for the food. Let these ahaadeeth be a remainder and a lesson.

18.Being affectionate towards and joking with a members of the family.

Showing affection towards one's wife and children is one of the things that led to creating an atmosphere of happiness and friendliness in the home. Thus, the Massenger of Allah (pbuh) advised Jaabir (RA) to marry a virgin, saying Why did you not marry a virgin so you could make her laugh and she could make you laugh?
(The hadeeth is reported in a number of places in the saheehan such as al- Bukhari al-Fath 9/121)

The prophet (pbuh) also said: Everything  in which Allah's name is not mentioned is idleness and play, except for four things: One of these is a Man playing with his wife.

(Reported by Imam Nisaa'i in Ushrat al-Nisa, P.87 also in Saheeh al-Jaami)

The prophet (pbuh) used to treat his wife Aai'sha affectionately when doing gusl with her as she (RA) said: the Massenger of Allah and I used to do ghusl  together from one vessel, and he would pretend to take all the water so that I would say, leave some for me, leave some for me, and both of them were in a state of Janabah (impurity).
(Muslim bi Sharh al- Nawawi 4/6)

The ways in which the prophet (pbuh) showed affection towards young children are too famous to need mentioning.

He often used to show his affection towards Hasan and Husayn (RA) as mentioned above. This is probably one of the reason why the children used to rejoice when he came back from travelling they would rush to welcome him, as reported in the saheeh hadeeth : Whenever he came back from a journey, the children of his household would be taken out to meet him. He (pbuh) used to hug them close to him, as Abd Allah ibn Ja'far (RA) said: whenever the prophet (pbuh) came back from a journey we would be taken out to meet him. One day we met him, Hasan Husayn and I. He carried one of us in front of him and another on his back until we entered Madeenah.
(Saheeh Muslim 4/1885-2772)

compare this with the situation in some miserable homes where there are no thruthful jokes,(i.e, jokes that do not involve lying), no affection and no mercy.

The prophet (pbuh) said: Woe to the one who speaks and tells lie in order to make people laugh. Woe to him. And again, woe to him.

Whoever thinks that kissing his children goes against the dignity of fatherhood should read the following hadeeth: 
From Abu Hurayrah (RA) who said: The massenger of Allah (pbuh) kissed al- Hasan ibn Ali, and al-Aqra said: I have ten children and I have never kissed any ane of them. The Massenger of Allah (pbuh) looked at him and said: The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.

19. Bad manners in the home

Every member of the household is bound to have some bad characteristics such as lying backbiting gossiping and so on. These bad characteristics have to be resisted and opposed.

Some people think that corporal punishment is the only way to deal with such things. The following hadeeth is very educational on this topics:

From Aai'shah (RA) who said: If the Massenger of Allah (pbuh) came to know that one of his household had told lie, he would try to ignore him until he repented.
( al-Musnad by Imam Ahmed 6/152)

It is clear from the hadeeth that turning away and forsaking a person by not speaking to them, rather than restoring to punishment is effective in such circumstances and may be more effective than physical punishment so let parents and caregivers think about it.

20.Hang up the whip where the members of the household can see it.
(Reported by Imam Abu Naeem in al-Hilyah 7/332)

Hinting at punishment is an effective means of discipline, so the reason for hanging up a whip or stick in the house was explained in another report, where prophet (pbuh) said: Hang up the whip where the members of the household can see ot for this is more effective in desciplining them.
(Reported by Imam Tabaraani 10/344-355)

Hanging up the whip will make those who had bad intentions refrain from indulging in bad behaviour lest they get taste of punishment. It will motivate them to behave themselves and be good mannerd.

Ibn al-Anbaari said: There is nothing to suggest that it should be used for hitting because the prophet (pbuh) did not command anyone to  do that. What he meant was keep on disciplining them.
(Fayd al-Quadeer by al-Mannawi 4/325)

Hitting is not the way to disciplene it is not to be restored to except when all other means are exhausted or when it is needed to force someone to do obligatory acts of obedience, as Allah says:
As to those women on whose part you fear ill-conduct, admonish them (first)., (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly), if it is useful.
                                 (al-Qur'aan 4:34)

In that order, there is also the hadeeth: Order your children to pray when they are seven years old, and hit them if they do not do so when they are ten.
(Sunan Imam Abi Dawood, 1/334)

As for hitting unnecessarily, this is aggression. The Massenger of Allah (pbuh) advised a woman not to marry a man because he always had his stick on his shoulder, i.e., he used to beat his wife.

On the other hand, there are those who think that they should never use this method  of desciplene at all, follwing some kaafir educational theories, this is also a mistaken opinion that goes against the shareeah.