Before and Now (Chaennie)

Chapter 9

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Ok2x I calm now, just enjoy this chapter

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"Do you remember?"

She slowly shook her head in disappointment, looking at the ground.

"I thou... thought that if I... I came here I wou... would remember something. I was... so hop... hopeful. That picture... I... I felt it, you know. For the... first time."

She turned toward me, tears has started to roll down her face and all I wanted was to wipe them away before they marked her face but I couldn't. I needed to restrain myself and it took all of my being to do so but I was still a stranger in her eyes. I couldn't intrude her personal space as I used too.

A lump started to form in my throat again, I hated to see her suffer like that. I wished it would have been me instead, in that accident. Oh, how bad I wished it.

As I looked in her eyes, for the first time since the accident I saw clear anger and I didn't know where it came from. Seconds ago, she was distressed but now something had angered her. I wished I could enter her brain to see what was going on inside but all I could do was to wait for her to talk to me.

We stayed a moment in silence before she spoke up.

"People al... always tell me it is go... going to take time... and I... I hate the... them for that."

I looked at her, still not saying a word. I could see she needed to get things off her chest, so I waited for her to continue as teats started to form in my eyes.

"They tell me it is go... going to be fine. That I just ha... have to wait and it will... come back but they do not under... stand that I am a... alive in the meantime and that I am just... empty." she let out in between sobs.

A first tear rolled down my face as my heart was shattering slowly.

What could I say to this kind of revelation? What was I supposed to do?

I had been an empty shell myself but not for the same kind of reasons. What I lived and what she was living were different. I empathized with her situation but it was true that I couldn't fully comprehend it, neither could anyone.

All I could do was support her throughout it even if it didn't feel enough. I wanted to take her in my arms and whispered to her that everything will be alright, I wished I could unlock her brain miraculously like in the movies but I was useless.

"I don't know what you're going through right now. I wish I could but I can't. I just... want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. I'll be entirely honest with you from now on..."

She smiled as she wiped her years and I did the same.

"Thank you." she murmured and looked back at the treehouse sighting.

"Why di... did you not tell me?"

Her question took me aback as I had no idea what she was referring to. I didn't tell her a lot of things. "About?"

"Us." she immediately replied, looking back at me. She wasn't angry anymore, her eyes were rather filled with expectations.

"Honest, right?" she said calmly.

I looked away anxiously. She was right, honesty was all I could give her. She deserved at least that but that didn't make that knot in my stomach disappear. I had to tell her and accept the consequences, I couldn't push it back anymore.