Leashed | • • • | Blue Exorcist

The Bandwagon

Oof, sorry for the long hiatus. I literally just wrote this today, so if there are any errors, it's because I didn't take time to proofread. I figured you guys deserved it asap, lmao

Yukio's POV - Right after Rin is admitted to the hospital:

This wasn't happening, no way, not in a million years. My brother was suicidal, tried to kill himself twice, and he'd been hurting himself for god knows how long. How had I not noticed it? Was I that terrible of a person that I couldn't even recognize that my own brother was suffering? Sure, I'd noticed that he'd been depressed since our father died, but I figured that would be typical. He had seen the whole thing, been a part of the whole experience; something I was lucky enough to escape. To top it all off, his world had been shattered with the knowledge of demons and to learn he was one himself... of course I thought his depression was explainable. I didn't want to fuss over him, however, he wasn't the type to enjoy being coddled, Rin hated it in fact. Him and his damn martyr complex meant he preferred to suffer in silence rather than ask for help and be a possible burden.

I grunted and rubbed my temples, looking around our room. To be completely honest, I didn't truly recall the ride home. Nor did I remember how I ended up breaking our desk chair and scraping my palm against anything. I rubbed the meager amount of blood on my pants, taking a step away from the center of the room towards the bathroom. I needed to scratch this itch, I needed answers.

Where was everything?

I pushed open the bathroom door and switched on the light, it seemed harmless, a typical teenage bathroom. A few towels were strewn about on the floor, Rin's from his shower this morning. Was that really not that long ago? I felt like days had passed since him and I had gone to school, before his secrets were exposed. I swallowed hard, walking forward to the medicine cabinet and running my fingers along the edge of the wooden door before prying it open. Simple adhesive bandages, Tylenol, cotton swabs, some off-brand antiseptic ointment, and a few safety pins were the only items on the shelves. So, if he wasn't hiding his stuff here, where was it? I turned to the sink, ducking down to my knees and opening the cabinet beneath: nothing out of the ordinary. Reaching forward, I pushed aside a few items, knocking over a tower of toilet paper in the process. The rolls scattered on the tile, my eyes blankly watched as one unwound slowly as it neared the toilet before coming to a stop. Shifting my gaze, I assessed the cabinet once again, but I once again came back empty handed.

WIth a sign, I pushed myself from my crouched position, a hand running through my matted hair. Granules of dirt fluttered from my head and the memory of wrestling alongside deciduous trees and possible poison ivy fronted. After it came silvery lines, I closed my eyes and recalled the expression on my twin's face as I desperately clung to him in the van. Emotion hit me and I felt myself sucked into the memory. The terror I'd experienced when the lights flickered on in the vehicle, the jarring sound of wind soaring in through the open door. The pain in my neck when I whipped my head toward the sound. The screams of my pupils and peers. I'm sure they were just as terrified as I was, but they hadn't seen what I had while on the mission. I'd only seen the reddish mark that wrapped itself around Rin's windpipe, It didn't necessarily look bruised, almost like rugburn as it scarred. However, I knew immidiately what it was, and who had caused it - especially after the horror that was the noose tying lesson we had all heard while on the way to the mission.

I shook the thoughts from my head, telling myself to focus on the present. I treaded passed the small mess I'd created and out of the bathroom, headed straight for my smaller sibling's bed. Carefully, I slid my hand under the mattress, my mouth forming a line when my fingertips brushed against something cool. I pulled the mattress up and flipped it against the wall, my gaze resting on a box cutter before flickering to the dozen or so razor blades strewn about on top of the bed frame. Was he seriously trying to hur- nevermind, obviously his plot was to hurt himself, but did he not realize how dangerous it was to put these in an area you wouldn't be able to see the blade? what if he sliced his finger open? And the infection he could get from them not being sanitary - has he not learned a single thing from me?

I paused, regret forming in my chest when i realized how clinical I was thinking. I'd just found my brother's stash of tools and I had to audacity to be offended on how he stored them. I should be ashamed, I should be hysterical, why wasn't I upset? Was I numb, maybe still in shock? Either way, I was disappointed in my actions.

Kneeling down, I carefully picked up each blade, their metallic surfaces glinting in the low light of the bedroom. I paused to assess the few blades that seemed particularly worn. Just how many times did he use these? When did he know to use a different one - or did it even matter when in that state of mind? I sighed when one of the weapons had a russet stain, deciding, for my own sanity, that I shouldn't dig too deep. At least for the night, I should take it easy, maybe go to bed.

Ha! What I joke. I wasn't sleeping anytime soon.

I snatched all the blades up and went to go throw them in the bathroom garbage, but not before there was a knock on my door. I cleared my throat and called them inside, understanding fully just what visual they'd walk into. Sure enough, Shura poked her head in, her tired expression turning perturbed when her gaze met mine. She pushed the door open and walked inside, clasping my hand that held the blades in her own. "You don't plan on following in his footsteps, do you?" She'd said it sarcastically, but her eyes were cautious, like she had entertained the idea that I'd do such a thing. I scoffed, and her face relaxed.

"I may be an idiot, Shura, but I don't have a death wish."

She hummed, "apparently that brother of your's has both." I flinched, not expecting her to be so callous about the situation, at least not so soon and not right in my face. Seeing my reaction, she apologized, "it's just that I'm dumbfounded with the situation. I'm trying to cope in the best way I know. Sorry if it's offensive." I shook my head, understanding it was just who she was. Pink eyes focused on our clasped hands, her fingers prying at my own. "Give them to me, Yukio."

"Why?"

Her head snapped back up, eyes suddenly barred, "don't be this way. You don't need to have those, especially after what you went through. The last thing we need is you to fall off the bandwagon like Rin did."

My muscles stiffened and my jaw set. "Don't treat me like a child. That's the last thing I need. I was just about to throw them away before you showed up here and demanded I play toddler. Hell Shura, I hold pistols for a living, if I really wanted to do any damage to myself, I'd use those over these things. These bastards are child's play compared to a bullet." My eyes drilled into her own and after a moment she took a step back, dropping her grip on my hand.

She was silent for a moment before shaking her head. "Go throw them away, then. But..." she paused, her tone guarded when she spoke next. "Don't ever talk like that again, I don't care if it's true - or if you only said it to prove a point. It's concerning to hear." I sighed and nodded, a few quiet breaths passed between us and I decided the conversation was over. I turned on my heels, about to pass the threshold to the bathroom when Shura spoke up once again. "And Yukio-"

"For fucks sake, what now?" I ground my teeth and tossed my head to the side, angry eyes meeting fuchsia.

Silence.

Eventually, she rolled her eyes, a small smile crossing her lips, however, it didn't match the rest of her expression. "I have every right to treat you like a child. After all, you are a child."

I blinked a couple times, processing her words. She really stopped me again to say that?

"Fuck off, Shura." I spat out before continuing into the bathroom. I threw the blades into the bin next to the toilet, with a little too much force if I'm being honest. I heard her cackle lowly in the other room as I ran my hands through my hair, even more frustrated now with her presence than I was before.

"Language, little one." Her tone was light, almost tauntingly so.

I ground my teeth and sat down on the toilet seat, rubbing my temples. "Keep it up, Shura, and one of us is gonna join Rin in the hospital tonight." My mind flickered through the nights events and moved on to what Rin could possibly going through at the moment. My heart ached and a hot flash carried down my spine. I sighed and mumbled to myself, "hopefully it's me."

I felt a tap on the crown of my head, startling me out of my dazing. Shura crossed her arms over her chest, an expectant look on her face. "What did I just tell you about saying shit like that?"

"Oh, my apologies."