A Lesson to Learn

Chapter 19

 Rey eyed Kylo wearily as he came to sit next to her, he could feel through the bond that she was confused as well as overwhelmed by the news of her newfound small fortune. Kylo tried to smile reassuringly at her, but even he knew it was half-hearted.

"What do we need to talk about, Kylo?" Rey asked when he had finally settled in, her voice strained.

"Before I start, I want you to know that I've been trying to find a good time to tell you this for a while now, and that nothing I say changes how I feel about you - at all. I still love you. So much, Rey. You have no idea how much," Kylo started, reaching out to Rey. She moved her hand from his before he could make contact, obviously put on edge by his lead up. Kylo's heart started to break a little at the small movement, nerves escalating rapidly at this rejection.

Rey gave him a stiff nod to urge him to continue. He looked at her with searching eyes, willing, imploring, almost begging through his gaze that she would understand as he started, "I'm not who you think I am."

Kylo told Rey everything. He told her who he really was, with a demonstration to prove himself as he set the kitchen on fire with a burst of flames that didn't burn and only raged brightly around them, the orange and white licking at them without hurting them or the room around them. Kylo quenched the fire when he saw tears forming in her eyes, and could feel Rey's mounting distress.

He took the fact that Rey hadn't run away yet as a glimmer of hope in the sea of desperation he was already beginning to feel roil in his stomach. Maybe she would take the time to fully hear him out? Maybe then things would be better - once he admitted everything?

Kylo swallowed thickly as he forged ahead, telling her about his past, about how he did something grave enough to earn him this punishment (sparing her the details of the event) and about how he was bound to the ring. He watched on nervously as Rey took all of this information in, now slumped over the table with her head in her hands, shaking her head back and forth slowly as the words poured from his mouth.

As Kylo broached the topic of his concealment and his bond to the ring (and therefore to her), Rey cut him off, the first time she had spoken since he began his confession.

"When I told you about myself - did you already know all of that? Were you just pretending to get to know me? Playing some sort of sick game, just happy to have left that thrift shop? Was I anything more than a cheap thrill for you? Some dumb little mortal you could take advantage of for a taste of freedom?" she asked, her body shaking as she tried to contain the sobs that threatened to burst forth.

Kylo opened his mouth in shock, nothing could be further from the truth. He struggled to find the words, jaw gaping and hands gesticulating wildly in the air as he tried to grasp the necessary phrases to string them forward and offer comfort.

Rey narrowed her eyes at his stumbling efforts before she added, "Is this why I feel right with you? Why I have this connection with you? Is any of this real?"

Kylo tried not to completely panic as he finally found it in himself to blurt out, "Is that what you think? That's not how this works, Rey. What we have is real. I could never fake that!"

"But you faked getting to know me and faked everything else," Rey mumbled, tears flowing freely now as she shook her head at him.

"I never looked in your mind, Rey. Everything I learned I learned from you," Kylo stressed, trying to make her understand.

"Maybe so, but that doesn't negate the fact that you basically stalked me and then earned my trust in this sick perverted way. You knew who I was the whole time and you had this.... This weird access to my emotions and to my life!" Rey spat out, her energy bouncing between insecurity to confusion to anger to sadness all in a span of seconds. The emotions crashed into Kylo like giant waves that were battering him around under water, further drowning Kylo in the mess he had created.