The Girl Who Wanted Everything

Occupational hazard

On my way to the beach, I passed the mums, their sun-loungers all stationed on the deck. The other kids were way ahead of me. Jamie and Adam were in the water, shrieking and messing about. Adam picked Jamie up like he was about to carry her over the threshold and then dumped her proudly in a deep wave. She came up laughing, shoving him, and splashing.  

I shook my head. It would be so nice if I could hate Adam, I thought. If he were a complete douchebag and I could write them both off as a lost cause. But that wasn't Jamie's style. She had to find herself a nice guy; someone you couldn't help but like.  

If I were honest with myself, I had to admit that it would be lovely to have a boyfriend like Adam. Not Adam himself, but someone kind and fun and sexy, who treated me well... It would be nice.

Sam was sitting on the sand, watching them. His face was impassive. I carefully laid my towel down beside him and peeled off my shorts. He turned to me and smiled but then looked away again without saying anything.   

We sat in silence for a few minutes.  

See, that's the thing about being with other introverts, they can handle silence, enjoy it even. Just like me. This was fine. This was perfect. Or was it going on too long now? Was this weird? Should I say something? I took out my sunscreen and began to spritz myself with it.

"Would you mind doing my back?" I held it out to Sam. That's what people did to signal to others that they wanted to be touched right?  They asked them to apply their sunscreen.  Was it a clear social message, or just a horrible cliché?

He got up and did the sunscreen without saying anything and then sat down and stared at the sea again. 

"So... how's life in Geneva?" I asked, lifting hot sand with my palm and letting it drift through my fingers as casually as I could.

"Ok, I guess,'' he replied, not looking directly at me. "It's a really expensive place to live, and we have this tiny apartment. But I have friends there and... people who care about me. And my mum is hell-bent on me staying there till school is finished.'' I nodded thoughtfully as if I understood. "My grandfather died last year. I don't know if you knew that,'' he continued. "Things have been a bit weird since then.''

"Oh, I'm really sorry,'' I said. I hadn't known. My mum and I actually never spoke about Sam and Giselle or their life overseas.

"But it's good to be back here,'' he finally looked up at me and smiled like he really meant it. He seemed like such a kid again when he smiled. All the gentleness and vulnerability were still there, just below the surface. He obviously worked hard at keeping them in check.

"Hey,'' he asked, "can I photograph you? I like to keep shots for my artwork.'' He had an actual old-fashioned camera next to him and he picked it up and waved it at me. There was that rash again... thanks body. It was embarrassing, and I mean – I usually HATED being photographed, but I was also a bit delighted that he wanted a picture of me.

"What are you going to do with it?" I teased. "I think I would look good inside a turn-of-the century lunatic asylum. Straitjackets and needles and stuff. What do you think?" He chuckled and clicked away a couple of times.

"I don't really know,'' he shrugged. "I just keep these things until inspiration strikes. Giselle says there is bad weather coming in this week. If I have some material, I can work while it's raining.''

"You call your mum Giselle?" I asked.

"Yeah, she is really into that sort of egalitarian stuff,'' he said. "When it suits her anyway.''  

My own life was so unlike this. I had a nuclear family with mom and dad, living in the suburbs, clear authority between parent and child, although never inflexibly so. His family was so much cooler than mine, but if you asked me whether I would trade out my dad? Hell no. I didn't know what to say.

"Remember how we used to play all that Minecraft when we were younger?" I blurted. Adam was emerging from the ocean now and heading up the beach towards us.

"Mmmm,'' Sam seemed distracted, looking towards the water.  

"Well, if the weather is crappy, we should play some: for old time's sake you know?"

He stood up and, pulled his baggy white tank top over angular shoulders. Mother of God! How had he developed abs like that sitting in a tiny flat making art?  

"Maybe.'' Sam answered lightly. It was the kind of "maybe" that equated to: "Let's do lunch some time,'' a throw-away comment designed to put infinity between its giver and its receiver. 

With that, Sam was halfway down the beach towards the water, passing Adam on the way.

I stared after him, frustrated. In the distance Jamie was still jumping in the waves. She was like some kind of mermaid, all flashes of white bikini and shapely spine. Adam had picked up his towel and was drying his long hair and neck with it. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that he too had surprisingly defined muscles for such a slender guy.  

He grinned at me and made a noise like a plane taking a long nose-dive, followed by the crackling of flames. Crash and burn. What the actual fuck, Adam?

I folded my arms forcefully across my bent knees. 

"You don't know what you're talking about,'' I grumped, without looking at him.

He lay down on his towel, stretched out full length with his arms behind his head and his eyes closed. He was soaking up the sunshine, not a care in the world.

"You are probably right,'' he replied. "It's an occupational hazard with me. I never know what I am talking about.''