The Girl Who Wanted Everything

Ugly-furious

Watery light filtering through the half-open blind woke me early that morning. My mum was still snoring quietly in her bed.  

Yesterday's events seemed peculiar – unreal even. Had the day really started with me realising I was in love with Adam, and then ended with seeing Sam and Jamie kissing in the middle of the night on the driveway? Maybe it was only a cuddle and I hadn't seen it accurately? I hadn't really had the clearest of views. Now it felt like the whole thing might have only been my imagination.  

I opened the blind fully and looked out as if that would somehow jog my memory. There, at the roadside, stood Adam, bags packed, checking his phone as if he were calling a taxi.

What the hell! I jumped out of bed and threw a pair of UGG boots and an oversized cardigan over my nightdress. I bolted through the garage, the most direct route to the sidewalk. He couldn't leave without even saying goodbye to me!  

A look of surprise followed by hope flitted across Adam's face as I burst through the garage door.

"Hey Dini,'' he smiled. "Sorry to be ditching like this... I didn't want to wake you is all.''

"Didn't want to wake me! Seriously, Adam. What's happening here?"

He rubbed the back of his neck and put his phone away in his pocket.

"I broke up with Jamie this morning, so it doesn't make sense for me to stay here now.''

"You broke up with Jamie!" My eyebrows shot somewhere up near my hairline. He must know about the kiss. Maybe he had also seen them through his bedroom window, or maybe Jamie had confessed. "Ohhhhhh...," I said with dawning clarity, "you guys broke up because of Sam.''

"What?... No...,'' he looked more than a little cross. "We broke up because of...,'' he clicked his tongue, irritated. "Never mind. It doesn't matter anyway.''

"Well, it mattered enough for you guys to break up over,'' I folded my arms across my chest and assumed my most judgy stance. "Why won't you tell me?"

He shook his head, frustrated.   

"We broke up because of YOU Nadine, I can't believe you haven't realised that yet!" he blurted.  "We broke up because I don't want Jamie any more. It's very hard for me to be any kind of decent boyfriend to her, when all I can think about is you!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.   

Adam wanted me. He wanted me instead of Jamie. I felt like the ocean was roaring in my ears, and the sun was breaking from behind the clouds. I felt like the crust of the earth had somehow detached itself and was floating beneath my feet. I didn't need to wait for him to say anything more. I leaned forward and I kissed him. 

There was only the briefest hesitation before he responded. His hands were on my shoulders, my hips, my face. I could feel his breath against my cheek and the tickle of his lashes on my closed lids.

"But,'' he pulled back for a moment, cupping my chin with his palms. "I don't understand?  You want Sam. That's why I was leaving. There wasn't any point to me hanging around any longer.''

I laughed. 

"Correction,'' I told him. "I thought I wanted Sam.  But that was only until I met you.''

He kissed me this time, deeper and more confidently, and I was lost in the current of it. That is until I was yanked forcibly backwards by my shoulders.

"You absolute BITCH!" Jamie said, before her open hand made contact with my face.

Before I even realised what was happening she shoved me bodily the short distance to the garage door, closing it behind her and shutting Adam out on the driveway. It was so bizarre to see Jamie angry like this. Quite apart from the fact that she had actually slapped me, I didn't know she was capable of being so ugly-furious. The whole scene was like a parody: a ridiculous cat-fight from a bad teen movie. This was not something that happened in my normal life.

"Chill! Jamie,'' I held my hands out placatingly in front of me. "I don't know what you are so mad about. You and Adam are broken up, right?"

"We've been broken up for all of half an hour, you cow! Did you seriously think this was not going to bother me?" Adam was now pounding on the small garage window, calling to Jamie to let him in.

"Shut it Adam!" she called out. "This is a conversation between Nadine and me, and it's way past overdue.''

"You are one to talk!" I snapped back, equally angry now. "I saw you kissing Sam in the driveway last night.'' She looked outraged.

"I NEVER kissed Sam!", she shouted. "He was really overwrought and I comforted him like any good friend would do.''

"'Cause you and Sam are such besties,'' I snapped. "You probably wouldn't even give a damn about Sam if you didn't think that I liked him first. This is just like the pet picnic from middle-school all over again. Remember? You just had to go and get a brand new puppy; couldn't let me have one minute in the spotlight.''

"For your information,'' Jamie spat, "Sam and I have been friends for years! Just because you never bothered to look him up on social media, it doesn't mean that he and I haven't been messaging the whole time since he left. I'm not sure what you think there is between you and Sam, but I'm pretty sure that it's all in your head. And as for the pet picnic. My mum forced me to get that stupid dog because she figured it would help me cope with my parent's marriage falling apart. It was a guilt gift. I hated the dog. It's so typical of you not to have even noticed what I was going through. You with your loving family, and your brilliant grades, and your perfect behaviour. I am so tired of my mum asking me why I can't be more like YOU. You always have to take everything from me, and now you want to take Adam too!"

You always want to take everything from me? Had she really just said that? How was it possible we both thought this of each other?

"Wow.'' I flopped down, shattered, on an old lawn chair that had been stashed in the corner of the garage. At the window, Adam, seeing that there was no longer any physical threat, fell silent.

"I... I don't understand,'' I said.