Dear Kulsum✅

2.

KULSUM'S POV.

I could hear people gasp in surprise. I don't know why they're surprised though; they should know what I'm capable of by now.

I watched her body fall on the ground with a thud. She lets out a loud shriek and clutched the side of her light skinned face that's turning red now with my fingerprints slowly making out it's print on her face. I didn't feel an ounce of remorse though, she deserved it.

As she whipped her face to look at me while a guy I recognize as her brother rushed to help her up. As he helped her back on her feet he turned and look at me. I don't know what I was expecting from him, probably anger too but what he showed wasn't what I expected.

Pity. Not for her but for me.

I don't understand how he can pity me, who slapped his sister? I know that much. I don't care as if I am the one hurt and not her. I didn't let my confusion show on my face though. I learnt long ago not to let people see my emotion. They can use it against me any time. Someone had done it before so I don't think there's anyone who cannot since that person did.

But I hated the look he gave me. I despise the look of pity.

He knew. He knew everything.

"You! What the hell?!" The girl yelled moving in front of her cousin to throw herself at me, maybe to slap me back but he held her back which only resulted to her trashing in his arms.

I said nothing as I glared at her silently daring her to say another thing that'll irk me. This time I won't stop from just slapping her. She'll get more than that. She should know I'm just holding myself back.

"This is an assault! I can sue you for this, I will!" she yelled trying to get herself out of the guy's hold.

"Enough. Let's go" he said dragging her away from me but she didn't leave without yelling,

"I'LL GET BACK AT YOU. I PROMISE YOU I WILL!"

I released a sigh I didn't know I held in when she left. Not paying attention to the people that stood watching me while muttering stuff amongst themselves I fixed the hood to cover up my face again and walked to the lobby with my hands tucked in the pockets of the hoodie. I could feel their stares bore into my back but I didn't turn nor pay any attention to them. Fuck them all. They can talk all they want I don't care.

Plopping myself on one of the numerous chairs in the lobby I turned and stare at the street. I made sure to pick the chair by the window because somehow staring through the window at people helps calm me down, I find peace through it. And peace was not something I had often. Resting my face on my palms I blinked. Most of the people outside had smiles on their faces as they interacted with their friends and whatnot. They looked happy.

And yet the doctors amongst them will come and say they 'understand' how people like I feel. That's a big fat lie. They have no idea what we feel and I know that because I was once in that position. They will never understand because they have life so easily. Yes, everyone had demons their facing without our knowledge but it's not the same for everyone. For people like me, there's really no hope. I just wished my parents will understand that so that they'll stop disturbing me to see doctors up and down.

Therapy never worked for me. I've seen doctors both abroad and in Nigeria. None of them have succeeded and the circle continues.

I don't know why but I've tried; I really did try to become sober but I soon realized I can't be helped. I'm just a lonely person that now welcomed the loneliness with open hands and embraced it knowing I can't escape it.

The thirty minutes passed in a blur with me lost in my thoughts as usual and soon enough I had one of the nurses directing me to this new doctor's office. She opened the door to his office revealing a big office painted in mocha brown color; with the furniture painted black, which was completely different from all the other doctor's offices I'm accustomed to which were painted in blinding white colors. I wondered why I ever thought the color soothing. Only being in situation did I realize that it was not. It was far from that.