Life, death, & the in between

Chapter one

Lips softly pressing against hers, a smile forms across my face as I taste her familiarity, hands rising to embrace the smoothness of her cheeks my fingers interlock between the loosened curls hidden beneath the delicate, jewel beaded lace.

Our lips dance across each other taking in each fleeting moment before finally pulling away, fixed in time silently watching as our gasps fog the freezing air around us, her eyes stare into mine until they're nearly forced shut by the forming smile upon her face.

Everything is perfect, just as I had hoped it would be, just as I had planned, the woman I had searched the galaxy for standing in front of me waiting to say yes to forever, waiting to promise she's mine.

........

This is the part of the dream I never get past, her smile fades and the darkness begins to slowly engulf her.

Everything around me spins and I'm suddenly unable to breathe, cry, or even shout for her.

Reaching out I touch her skin only to gasp suddenly unable to function, uncontrollably pulling back clutching my hand, shocked by the icy embrace my fingertips were met with.

All color fades from her as death takes over, bluing the skin around her eyes and lips that are now stained with the dried trickles of blood slipping from her mouth.

No, I whisper...Not again. Don't take her from me again...

...

Jolting awake the dampness from the sheets confirmed I had yet again been dreaming of her, the burning in my chest sucks the air from my lungs as I try to catch my breath.

More and more I dream of that day and each time I get just a moment longer with her before she's ripped away again, breaking my heart over and over, how that's even possible I'll never know.

But watching her die will never, ever, become easier.

The morning had come too soon, the events from the night before left my mind completely shadowed.

Unable to rest tossing and turning for hours before finally drifting to sleep, I had known the peaceful rest wouldn't last long but for a few hours, I would be in bliss.

The ache inside my heart would be healed, my wounds wouldn't feel so fresh and life would almost seem live-able again, all because my mind created this false memory of the last moments with her, the last seconds before I lost her forever.

Although they are short I spend most of my days waiting for the moment my head hits the pillow, my eyes shut and she meets me in my dreams, the moment I hold her in my arms once more, feel her touch on my skin, her lips against mine as I inhale that sweet scent of rose I so desperately crave.

Up until last night that was all I had left of her, and it was the only thing calming my clouded mind.

That is until she appeared to me, finally emerging from the darkness proving that the numbing feeling of her constant presence wasn't only a poly my broken heart manifested so I'd maybe hate myself a little less.

'Why'd you wait so damn long (y/n)? Couldn't you see I was dying inside?'

A small bit of fear sparked in the pit of my stomach as I prepared to leave for Mustafar the voice inside my head constantly spreading poison within my mind 'you're going to leave the base? Leave her body behind? You get her killed and then abandon her? Typical Ren, that's what a monster would do after all isn't it?'

Fist slamming my helmet against the wall losing my temper it shatters into pieces as I growl "NO. She's still with me! I'm not leaving her anywhere!"