Life, death, & the in between

Chapter two

The next day came in bits and pieces, mixtures of blue and red, up and down, rage and regret as I silently followed Kylo around the base trying to keep up with his ever-changing mood.

I'd see small glimpses of his day, his refusal to speak, the tantrums, the breaking of his helmet I had grown so much to love, along with the deep sad loneliness, waking up alone, eating by himself, the moments he fought with himself whether now would finally be the time he visited my grave.

How I wanted him to say goodbye, to be with my body one last time before leaving to fulfill whatever it is he thinks will make him whole again.

But the closer he came the darker the blue became until he was only feet away from walking out of the base down to my final resting place, hand clinging to his hilt I watched as the anger consumed him muddying the air around me until it was a dark ember red.

He still blames himself for my death, how I wish I could take that pain away.

Softly reaching out I brush my fingertips along his clenched fist, the sudden sharp exhale he releases lets me know he had to have felt it although his eye never searched for me.

Maybe he thinks I'm a figment of his imagination that if he acted as if he could see me, that people who begin to doubt his power to see through the mask that is Kylo Ren.

He's leaving, searching for something, for a threat to the throne. Now that he's lost me it's the only thing he has left, the only thing that had ever brought him any other sense of purpose, the thing that consumed him far before I ever showed up.

Darkness.

I hear those voices in your head Kylo, I hear the battle hidden behind those deep honey eyes. Know that I am with you...know that I will follow you always, never will you be without my love.

I'm still trying to harness the force and be with him when he needs me, I promised him I'd be there and I intend to keep that.

Watching the place I had called home for such a short amount of time fade into the darkness of space all that was left was me, him, and the stars.

Drifting through the galaxy he sat in silence keeping his mind focused on the impending tasks ahead, hour after hour I waited for his hue whether it be red or blue I needed to see him needed to show him I was there.

Finally pulling out of hyperspace the fighter slowly crept towards the dark burning planet, finally breaking the silence he exhales deeply filling the ship with the softest of heat quietly he whispers "as much as I wish you were with me (y/n) I'm glad you won't be here to see what happens next. I warned you of the monster I had been, not knowing how much worse it would become."

The closer we got to the planet that must be Mustafar the hotter he became, watching helplessly as the growing redness engulfed him.

Touching down on the planets ashy ground the man sitting beside me resembled my love...trapped in a web of hate he prepared to exit the ship clutching tightly to his saber just before stepping out shooting a glance in my nonexistent direction his lip quivers before sucking in a breath letting the rage consume his mind he disappears beyond the metal fighters door.

Watching from a distance as the cloaked figure of Kylo scorches through what's left of life on Mustafar killing without mercy his anger flows through him with ease, I knew what he was capable of but seeing it first hand was both terrifying and alluring.

How could one man be so utterly powerful and yet desperately frightening, each blow of his saber made me flinch, he showed no remorse piercing it through flesh, taking the lives of these creatures with only one thing on his mind.