all i want | tommy & tubbo

chapter six - ranboo.

Recently Tubbo had found it difficult to fall asleep. Most nights he would lie awake and stare at his ceiling. Questioning every word he had spoken, every move he had made. He would criticize himself up until his thoughts filled his lungs, and he'd suffocate.

The feeling of suffocation. Needing to breathe but remembering you can't. Pushing yourself, attempting to receive your last gulp of oxygen.

It felt like running through an empty flower field or dancing in the pouring rain.

It was an unusual sentiment. It felt so unbelievably guilty, yet so free and relieving.

The feeling encouraged Tubbo to live on and to wait till the bad moments came to an end. Everything happens for a reason, right?

But no matter how free Tubbo felt, the feeling never lasted for long. Because at one point he is reminded of Tommy, and his heart breaks again. Even now, even still.

-

"Hello Tubbo"
"Jesus fucking christ" Tubbo jumped out of bed throwing his duvet at the tall dainty figure standing in front of him.

"Oh, my, I'm sorry Tubbo, I didn't mean to frighten you" The soft voice spoke up. "I didn't realise you were asleep".

Tubbo's eyes adapted to the harsh light. The tall man in front of him kindly held out a loaf of bread, indicating for Tubbo to take it.

"Oh, ranboo, it's okay, you just scared me, that's all," Tubbo said, taking the bread out of Ranboo's hands.

Ranboo was like an angel, he was friendly to everyone no matter what. He would put others before himself, he believed the health of his friends was more important than his own. It was his top priority to check up on everyone's health and to make sure they were okay.

He had been staying with Tubbo ever since Tommy got exiled. The two of them got on rather well even though Tubbo hardly attempted to communicate.

-

Ranboo and Tubbo had known each other for a reasonable amount of time. Both of them had been taken into the same family when they were young.

The family consisted of a group of six. Their dad, Phil, and three other brothers. Techno, Wilbur and Tommy.

At a young age, Ranboo was particularly close to Techno, while Tubbo and Tommy we're close to Will.

He found it difficult being so close to Tubbo at times. He hated being reminded of his childhood. Not necessarily because he hated it, but because he missed it. So much.

-

Ranboo had strived multiple times to cheer Tubbo up, but he constantly got told to "go away" or to "talk later". No matter how much it pained Ranboo to see his friend sad, he stayed strong. For him.

"How are you today?" He said awkwardly. Ranboo wasn't much of a speaker, he stayed silent in big events and never got involved in any drama. The thought of him having to pick a side between two people, enemies or not, made him sick to his stomach.

"Same old, same old" Tubbo replied before sitting up and stretching.
"Oh, that's good then? I hope" Ranboo mumbled, reassuring himself.

He hated the thought that maybe Tubbo wasn't feeling any better. Tommy leaving had ruined him. Tubbo wasn't the same without him, they completed each other.

As Tubbo slowly got up, Ranboo couldn't help but notice the compass was still hung around Tubbos neck. Those compasses were unusually heavy and Ranboo wasn't sure how to feel about it.

"Hey erm Tubbo, you shouldn't sleep with that around you're neck, it's dangerous, "  He told him. It was clear to Tubbo how concerned Ranboo was about him, it made him the slightest ounce more happier.

"I guess I never really thought about that, " Tubbo replied chuckling to himself. He stuttered in the struggle of not knowing what to say. "Honestly Ranboo, I can't sleep without it" He dragged on, "it's like I need to know he's alright at all times, or it'll drive me mad."

The exile of his best friend had gotten too Tubbo. Ranboo had seen him sad before, but not like this.

Ranboo cleared his throat. The silence in the room was so loud.
"I understand. Just be careful." He replied, a worried smile planted across his face.

"Look, if it'll make you feel better, I'll take it off when I go to sleep. Just have it next to me or something." Tubbo stated. Ranboo silently nodded in agreement. He didn't want to bother his friend too much, it was difficult enough just to talk to him.

After a couple seconds of awkward silence Tubbo shot up.
"Come downstairs with me then" Tubbo pleaded. "I'm so hungry".

The both wandered down the stairs, Tubbo rubbed in hands together in excitement with a small grin on his face. He hadn't properly eaten in days, and for once he was motivated enough to eat something.

He sat at the table while Ranboo reached into the cupboard and brought out a bowl for him.

"What cereal?" Ranboo asked holding up two different types of cereal.
"Cornflakes obviously, don't forget the sugar please."

Ranboo sat the bowl down in front of Tubbo. He hesitantly pulled out another chair from underneath the table, not knowing if he was allowed to sit.

"You want anything to eat?" Tubbo mumbled with a mouthful of cereal falling out of his mouth.
"Um, no I'm okay, thank you" Ranboo stuttered. Tubbo broadened his eyes and glanced at him as if to ask if he was certain, Ranboo ridiculously nodded back at him.

They both awkwardly sat in silence. Tubbo would look up at him every now and again.
"It's so quiet" Tubbo chuckled.

"Silence" Ranboo said softly.
"Huh?" Tubbo replied, his spoon clashed with the side of his bowl causing the sound vibrations in which Ranboo winced.

"Silence, I don't like it" He proceeded. "It's so loud that you can't even hear it." Tubbo looked at Ranboo in genuine concern.
"It wouldn't matter how loud I try to be, compared to it I'm still just a tiny whisper."
"What are you trying to tell me?" Tubbo asked him, now looking at him straight on.
"People can hear me. They just choose not to." He finished.

Ranboo stared at Tubbo. Not once in his life had he ever opened up to anyone before. Ranboo was the type of person to write his feelings and thoughts down instead of speaking them out loud.

"Are you okay man?" Tubbo said.
"Yes." Ranboo replied, not giving Tubbo the chance to say anything more. He didn't want the conversation to carry on, he hated it.

"It's okay if you're not, I'm not either," Tubbo told him attempting to make him feel better.

The fear of his friend dealing with pain grew in Ranboo's mind. He didn't want Tubbo to be hurting, all he hoped for was for Tubbo to return to his happy, cheerful self.

"Look, I know we weren't that close growing up but I care about you" Tubbo said. "I'm sorry I don't talk to you that much, to be honest with you I don't know how"

Ranboo felt a sense of relief. As if a sack of weights had been lifted on his back. He had longed an explanation to Tubbo's silent treatment.

"It's okay. I understand, I just want to be here for you." He replied, not trying to sound too needy.

Before Ranboo had the time to say anything else Tubbos hands flew around him.
"Thank you" Tubbo whispered. "Honestly, thank you so much" Tubbo's arms were clenched around him so tightly that Ranboo didn't attempt to escape it.