Life surrounded by the War-The Clone Wars

My Own Betrayal

Third entry for juliatheawzom3274

Word: Betrayal 

POV: Obi-Wan's first person view 

I Hope you have a great day :) :)

Young mistakes. 

Young Love, my worst mistake. 

How could I not know? 

How didn't I know?

Just because of her. I haven't lost it all yet, but I have. 

At what cost? Because of my naiveness all those years ago, when I had just started out. 

How could I let this happen? How could she let this happen? 

How did Qui Gon? 

Nevermind him, I shouldn't- 

None of this is his fault. It's mine, completely.

It had been a slow musky day, as the rain poured down on Coruscant. With every drop that plopped down on my window came a jump, it was just one of those days. I missed her so much, and all I wanted to do was hide in my quarters, to not be seen. 

How Childish for a grown man I kept telling myself as I laid there in my soft warm bed, the blankets ruffled up in a fuzzy heap, and the fresh scent of laundry tried to comfort me as my lungs inhaled it with every living breath. 

Lonely was not a good feeling when it hit, and I must seem like such a baby for locking myself in my quarters, but I was free of duties today, I made sure of it for I couldn't face the world today, definitely not today. 

I could still hear her soothing voice, her sweet voice that could settle me right down in an instant, that could make all of my doubts, my nerves, just simply slip away, without any worry left in my mind. 

But her voice, it's again, her rule dead as she was. After all, as Jedi's we aren't supposed to love, so we are never taught, how to deal with this death, we are only told to ignore our feelings, but how when it gets so unbearable? 

As Jedis we are taught that death is not the end, that we go on in the force, but how, how do you still deal with the fact that they are gone? Why didn't you teach us this? Because we're not supposed to feel this way. 

My blurred eyes stared deeply into the dark window the only light in my quarters, and it was dim. The outside world dark, sorrowed with rain, depressed with darkness, just how I felt. 

"Master, are you in here?" My reckless padawan called curiously outside the door, his voice showing that he was looking for me. 

I didn't know what he wanted and to be honest I didn't want to know, but after all he was my padawan, and even though he was a Jedi, with his own padawan know he still learned from me. 

"Come on," I tried my best to mask my miserable pain cracking voice as I hid among the covers, for all he knew I was sick, not sad, ill. 

"Master, the Jedi council needs to see you," he grumbled as he stalked, his boots making an annoying tap on the concrete floor, a tap that broke the subtle peace in the raindrops. 

I groaned as I looked into his deep complicated eyes that attempted to mask his confusion of the sight of me. 

"Do you know what they want?"