Shelby and Toni

Chapter Nineteen

**Shelby's POV** 

I watched Toni walk out the door, and I looked back at my dad, my whole body filling with anxiety. He stared at me with an unreadable expression on his face, and I stood there, still in disbelief that this was actually happening. I looked at the floor, my father's stare feeling like a laser and I couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't make the situation worse. 

"What did she do?" My dad asked and I looked back up at him. 

"What?" I asked, extremely confused that that was his first question. 

"Did she put these sinful thoughts into your head?" He said as he took a step forward, which I then took one backward. 

"What are you talking about? Toni-" I started and he stepped forward again. 

"Did she make you do it? Did she push her sin onto you?" He said, his voice starting to rise a little and I moved from in front of my bed to the back, trying to keep as much distance between us as possible. 

"Toni didn't make me do-" I tried to say but he just kept interrupting me. 

"She pressured you, didn't she? She tricked you into thinking you had feelings for her. Don't worry Shelbs, we'll get everything taken care of, we'll get you put back on track and everything will be-" he said, rambling and I felt like I was being suffocated, he started walking towards me as he tried to hug me and I pushed him back. 

"Stop!" I yelled as he stepped back after I pushed him away, "I went after Toni, not the other way around!" I said, feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, but at the same time feeling even more anxious at how he was going to react. He stood there for a moment, clearly shocked, and just stared at me, his mouth slightly open. "Dad, I-I'm...I'm gay," I said, and he just stared at me, his face staying the same as he moved to sit down on the bed. I stood there waiting for him to say something, anything, each second feeling like an hour as the silence became thicker and thicker.

"Shelby," He started, staring down at his hands, "You read the same bible as me, you know what it says about that way of life," he said and I felt my stomach start to drop. 

"I can't help how I feel for her, dad," I said, staring at the back of his head as he shook it back and forth. 

"You're just confused, Shelby, she got in your head and-" he said before I cut him off. 

"She didn't do anything! Toni makes me feel the happiest-" I tried to explain before he stood up and looked at me for the first time since he sat down. 

"Stop saying her name! This is her fault!" He yelled and I jumped at his voice since he never, ever yelled. I stood there for a moment, the look in my dad's eyes unrecognizable, a look of disgust and disbelief. 

"No, it's not. Toni has treated me better than any guy ever did in the past. She makes me happy, she makes me feel safe, and she cares more about just getting into my pants," I said and I saw my dad visible cringe, which felt like a stab in the chest. "You know her, dad, you know she's a good person and she-" 

"She's a sinner," he said matter-of-factly, almost spitting it out of his mouth. 

"Then what am I?" I asked, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall out. He stared me down and watched as the tears began to fall from my face, he use to wrap his arms around me when he saw me like this, but he looked at me as if I was a stranger. 

"You're sure as hell not my daughter," he said and I felt my world begin to collapse around me, the dam that was fighting to hold back tears falling apart. He looked at me with disgust as the tears fell uncontrollably from my eyes, my hands trying to wipe them away but failing miserably. Through my tears I saw my mom come around the corner, her face expressionless as she saw me and my dad standing there, evidently hearing what had happened.

"I want you out by tonight," my dad said as he turned and walked out my door and past my mom down the hallway. My mom stood there and looked at me for a moment. 

"Mom...please..." I choked out. Her face remained the same as she turned and followed my dad down the hall, and my sobs became louder and louder. I fell on the floor, feeling a mix of sadness, anger, disbelief, shock, and mostly fear. I didn't even know what to grab as I stood up suddenly, stumbling over to my closet to look for a bag, struggling to see through the tears flowing from my eyes. 

I grabbed a duffle bag and walked to my dresser, emptying the four drawers onto my bed and shoving as much as possible into my bag. I went back to my closet and grabbed the biggest armful of hangers as possible and laid it on top of my suitcase on the bed. I sat down and grabbed the tissue box from my nightstand, rubbing my eyes profusely as I tried to calm myself down. I grabbed a few more tissues, blew my nose, and threw them into the trash can before I closed my eyes and tried to slow my breathing down between sobs. 

'Just focus on getting your shit and getting the fuck out' I told myself as I took a shaky deep breath in before slowing blowing out. I did that a few more times before I opened my eyes and rubbed the tears away, trying to force them to stop. I stood up and walked across the hall to my bathroom, grabbing my hairbrush, toothbrush, and toothpaste before walking back into my room. I grabbed a smaller suitcase and threw them in there, along with the remaining clothes from my dresser, which was mostly underwear, socks, pants, and shorts. 

I grabbed my school backpack from off the floor and set it on my bed and looked at my stuff piled up, scanning my room for anything else that I absolutely needed. I grabbed a few things random things that I felt I needed for some reason, such as a stuffed animal Toni gave me last year, my journal, my favorite pen, and few other things that I shoved into my backpack. I stood in the middle of my room, my breathing getting faster and I calmed myself down again. 

I just wanted to get my shit and leave, that's all I could focus on. Really, that's all I allowed myself to focus on, I shoved the sense of grieving and being lost way down and just focused on getting out. I threw my backpack on, grabbed my duffle bag with my left hand before throwing my clothes on hangers over my forearm, and grabbed my smaller suitcase with my right hand. I was determined to only make one trip, the idea of having to come back into this house tonight was unbearable and I simply wasn't going to do it. I took one more deep breath before I shimmed my way out of my door and down the stairs, where my parents were sat on the couch whispering. 

They looked up as I made my way down the stairs, and I kept my focusing on not tripping and falling as I made my way to the front door. I set my smaller bag down and opened the door before I looked back at them, their gaze still on me. 

"You know, you always told me that 'you'd love me no matter what', "I said while staring at all my stuff in my arms, "which apparently was a lie so," I paused, looking up at my dad, "I guess I'll see you in Hell, dad," I said and I grabbed my bag from the floor, walked out the front door, and kicked it shut behind me. 

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