An Earnest Favour

XX

"I want you to have big dreams, big goals. I want you to strive to achieve them. But I don't want to see you beating yourself up every time you make a mistake." Kelley Armstrong, The Gathering

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XX.

Jack felt nervous, which he knew was entirely ridiculous seeing as his brother had never wanted anything more than for Jack to get his life together. Well, perhaps coveting Grace might have been first in his wants, but Jack was a close second.

"I know you have been generous," Jack began awkwardly. Behind Adam, Jack could see the responsibility that was the Ashwood estate. Jack did nothing to aid his brother in its upkeep, and now he was feeling the immense guilt of what he was to ask. "But I need to talk to you about my finances."

Adam took a step backward and nodded seriously. "Of course. You're married now. Do you want a bigger allowance?"

Jack shook his head. His allowance, gifted to him by Adam, allowed him to live in London as a gentleman. And it was suddenly occurring to Jack just how ridiculous that was. "I don't want an allowance. I want a legacy," Jack said simply. "I want to have something to pass on to my child ... if and when we are blessed with one.

"I haven't thought it over, and the idea has only just come to me. It was sparked from a conversation I was having with Claire in Hyde Park the other day. Adam, I want to establish a publishing house."

Jack couldn't believe the words had escaped his mouth, or that he felt such conviction over a potential career. He was a hopeless writer, but there was a career for a seasoned reader. Jack knew nothing about publishing. He knew nothing about running a business, and he certainly didn't have the funds or collateral to establish one. But if he could but succeed at something, at this, then he would have made something of himself. He would be able to independently support his family. He would have something to leave his child.

Jack didn't want to be a failure anymore.

"Publishing?" repeated Adam, raising his brows, before remaining quiet for a minute, mulling over the idea. "What does Claire say to this?" he asked suddenly.

"She doesn't know," replied Jack honestly. He would tell her if Adam approved of his idea, and made it financially possible, but he had just a little too much pride to tell her such an idea before confessing it failed for lack of funds.

"Publishing?" Adam said again, turning around and heading back behind the desk. He opened one of the drawers in the desk and began to sift through papers, clearly searching for something.

"If you think it is an awful idea, please put me out of my misery," Jack insisted, his feet still glued to the spot. Oh, it was a stupid idea and Adam knew it. Jack didn't know the first thing about publishing, and it probably wasn't at all how he imagined it. He would no doubt fail at it as he did everything else. He would just cause embarrassment and it would be yet another thing for his mother to shame –

"For when Jack finds the greatness that I know is within him. Love, Father."

Adam's voice interrupted Jack's panic, and his eyes flashed to his brother. Adam was holding a card attached to another sheet of paper. Jack stared at Adam as he suddenly realised that he had read off a letter, something from their father.

"What did you say?"

"I found this in Father's desk not long after you left when he died," replied Adam, holding up the note. "It was in and amongst his things. You know, Mother's trust, Susanna's dowry ... and this. With it came a letter for me, telling me to hold onto it until you came to me, like you have today. I think Father knew you better than you thought." Adam walked back around the desk and brought Jack the note. He practically had to place it in Jack's frozen hands.