My Dearest Inej

Chapter Four: The Hot Air Balloon Ride

My dearest Inej,

These new treats you've sent us from Shu Han are interesting. Wylan and I have been trying to figure out how to open them. Jesper thought he had it figured out (I tried to warn him) and ended up eating wax. Don't tell me. I'm going to work this out.

Speaking of the wax-eater, Jesper's birthday is fast approaching, and, given the amount of painfully obvious hints that Wylan has been dropping, I can tell I'm expected to purchase gift. I could use your advice. This is the one thing about being disgustingly rich that I had not taken into account before the Van Eck affair: buying gifts for rich people is impossible. And why should I even? Jesper can buy himself whatever he wants whenever he wants it. That was literally the entire point of the Ice Court and the Van Eck affair. Why am I buying him a birthday gift again? I should be exempt.

This is truly amazing. I am still penning this letter, and I can already tell you're glaring at me as you read this. Remarkable. How are you doing that? I have to know. I would also like to be able to project my rage and disgust through time and space.

I've been hesitant to ask when you'll be returning to Ketterdam next. I imagine there's some sort of deficit now, after you spent the extra travel helping after the fire. But I'm bracing myself now. Go on, I can take it. What's it to be? Five months? Six months? As long as the answer isn't never, I'll be at Fifth Harbor whenever you want me.

Yours,

K. Brekker

P.S. – You're sure you didn't accidentally send us just a fancy box of wax, right?

P.P.S. – Never mind. Got it. Toffees are better.

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My surprising, delightful Inej,

You probably couldn't tell, since I don't possess your otherworldly command of projecting human emotion through dimensions of time and space, but I was actually smiling when I read your letter. I had no idea you were planning on stopping back for Jesper's birthday. This is great news. That's, what, three weeks from now? You spoil us.

I have to be honest, though, I really hate your idea. An experience as a birthday gift? This sounds like work. This sounds like the exact opposite of why we all nearly died trying to get rich. Inej, love. Please. Don't do this to me.

Ugh, you're doing it again. The inter-dimensional glaring. If this is what having a conscience feels like, I'd like to have it surgically removed as soon as possible. So, make a note: that's the experience I want for my birthday.

Very well. An experience for Jesper. I'll talk to Wylan for some ideas.

I just had this sinking feeling in my gut – I don't actually know when your birthday is. And that is something I should probably know. Don't kill me. Just let me know in enough time to craft a proper experience. Since apparently this is what we do now.

Could I just let Jesper shoot me? That would be experience he'd like. And then I don't have to do anything.

Despite my trepidation, I remain,

Faithfully yours,

Kaz

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Inej, I have to make this quick. Jesper's getting nosy. These are the ideas Wylan and I have. Pick one so we don't have to.

Tickets to the Komedie BruteCanal cruise with kvas tastingHot air balloon ridePrivate dining experience in The LidHiring a magician for an exclusive showShooting Kaz in a non-vital extremity so he can go home