The next morning, John wakes me up.
"Make me breakfast." He yells from the dining room. That isn't the most pleasant way to wake up but I don't have time to think about that. Instead, I get up and rush to the kitchen.
"Finally. You're in the kitchen, where you belong." He rolls his eyes.
"Yeah, sorry."
"Make me breakfast."
"Okay. Sorry. What do you want?"
"I want some bacon and eggs. Make it quick."
"Uh okay."
"Also, you should work out more. Those arms aren't going to thin themselves!" He laughed.
That comment kinda hurt. I was never insecure about my body before but maybe I should be. I make his food half asleep but he doesn't complain when I give it to him. He doesn't praise me either. He just eats half of it then leaves it on the dining table for me to clean up.
"Dorry!" He says in a singsong voice.
"For the millionth time don't call me that!" I grumble.
"What did you say?" He asks angrily.
"Oh! Um I said that I'm coming."
"Okay. That's what it thought." He replies.
I slowly walk to him, knowing what's coming.
"Great. Now give me a kiss."
I hesitate. His lips are dry and I don't feel like it.
"I said give me a kiss." I angrily says.
I give him a super light peck on the cheek.
"See, was that so hard?"
"No." I grumble.
"Great! Now I have to get to work! While I'm gone clean the house! Bye Dorry!"
"Bye." I mumble. Once I see he's gone I go back to my bed. I sleep for a few more hours before really getting up. Once I am finally awake, I go to Betty and cuddle with her before feeding her food. Sometimes it gets lonely so I let Betty eat on the table. It's weird, I know but it makes me feel better.
I make myself some food and eat it quietly. Afterwards, I go to get the cleaning supplies from the shack outside. I grab everything and go back inside. It's very cold out since it just rained the night before. I first start by sweeping the whole house, then I mop the floors and afterwards I clean the windows and the bathrooms.
Once I'm done, I do the dishes and make the beds. By the time I'm finished it had been 3 hours. It's a big house. I make myself lunch and eat it while reading my favorite book of poems.
Once I'm finished, I go to the library and open my notebook. It's a really big book so I usually keep it in the library. It's fine though because that's where I usually write. I read my poem from last night. I'm proud of that one. I try to write a new one but I can't. I can't think of anything to write about. I sigh as I catch a glimpse of a poem from a few years ago and decide to read it. I realize this is from 6 years ago, when I first meet John. I started to read it:
There's somethin' bout the way
The street looks when it's just rained
There's a glow off the pavement
Walk me to the car
And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there
In the middle of the parking lot
We're drivin' down the road
I wonder if you know
I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool
Run your hands through your hair
Absent mindedly makin' me want you
And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless
I smile as I read this. This was from our very first date. I was so young and innocent at 15. Now I'm 19 and married to him. I believed in true love and that love would be amazing and magical. I know now that it isn't at all. Love feels like a nightmare that never stops with some rare good parts.
It's not a fairytale come true. I've never felt true love like in the books. It's probably because that kind of love doesn't exist. If it did exist I would've felt it by now.
If I ever found love like in the fairytales then I would be very shocked. It's impossible to find a soulmate so you have to settle with someone who gives you a house, food and happiness. I don't know if he gives me happiness. I forget what true happiness feels like. I'm happy when I'm writing poems but it's not like the real thing.
I decide to write a short poem before I go for my daily walk. I go on a walk everyday no matter what. Sometimes it's for 10 minutes, sometimes is for 45. It depends. Today I will go for a 45 minute one. After Johns remark, I think I have to exercise more. If I need to be skinny for him to appreciate me then that's what I'll do. I'll become skinny.
I leave for my walk and immediately feel the fresh air and the wind going through my hair. I take a deep breath and smile before I start walking. I walk for a while. After a while, the air feels cold but for some reason it feels home-like. As I start to walk home, I feel better. I don't like being cooped up in that house. Yes, it's big but I feel like there is no room for me there. I always felt like it was John's house, not ours or mine. It's a bad feeling but I have gotten used to it after all the years we've been married.
Life wasn't always like this. At first it was magical with our first kiss and first date and engagement but a few months after we got married, he stopped complimenting me, he stopped treating me like we were equal, he stopped laughing with me. Instead he was laughing at me. He told me it was because I changed, that I stopped being 'pretty' that I stopped being very 'useful' and I stopped being 'funny'. I don't know how true that is or if I even believe him in the first place.
All I know is that is how he feels. As his wife, I have to change to be how he wants. That's what he constantly tells me, and I have no choice but to believe him. Who else can I believe?
YOU ARE READING
ivy
Fanfictionthis is the story of a girl named dorothea. the story is based on the songs 'ivy' and 'tolerate it' by taylor swift. the names are based on other songs by taylor swift. the poems in the story are lyrics from taylor swift songs as well as some of the...
