lonerism ; jschlatt (lunch club au)

five

in my confused state i tried to breathe, gripping the couch i was sitting on with force. it helped, and i reassured myself that the loud heartbeat acting like a drum in my head was slowly declining. i eventually felt like myself again.

brushing hands though sweat-filled hair, i turned to travis in the hopes of a distraction. he looked at me with droopy eyes, half smiling and completely delusional.

"hey man!" he said in a surprisingly happy tone, "do u wanna get me another drink?"

oh, that's why.

he held up an empty bottle and waved it close to my face, "pleaseee, i'm all out."

i knew that i shouldn't listen to him, but from personal experience, it was an unspoken rule to never go against their requests. i could still remember the black eye joko gave me after a heated argument one night ...

i gently pushed his hand aside and replied, "okay okay, just stay here alright?"

after sitting down for what felt like hours, my head spun from my quick movements and my legs were shaky. it took a few steps to get used them but i set my sights on the dining room, the table that once served meals now a resting place for a never-ending collection of alcohol.

i was swallowed by flashing lights, loud sounds and crashing bodies, all combining into the sea of disorientation that i had seen so many times before. at least i had an objective; to make it to the other side.

i made it my sole focus, looking down and walking straight ahead to both get there quickly and to avoid being seen by anyone i knew. any interactions i had had weren't pretty, and i intended to keep them to a minimum from now on.

to my surprise, i made it to the table fairly easy. moving to the opposite side i grabbed a stack of red cups and took one off the top for travis, carefully looking at the bottles in front of me.

i picked up a few that looked familiar but trying to read the labels with the coloured lights above me made it impossible to tell for sure. i just decided to open the one i had in my hands, pouring it carefully when i realised who was standing next to me.

charlie gave me a small smile as he reached for a cup himself.

seeing him felt like a weight had been lifted. charlie was like my safety blanket out here, the one who i trusted the most. even though he got just as drunk as the others, for a short period in between he kept somewhat of a level head and was usually on my side.

"hey charlie, how you been?" i asked, eager to have a normal conversation for once.

he replied bluntly, "fine."

just like that, my small slice of hope had vanished, and in its place the weight of anxiety seeped back in, catching me off guard and making my chest ache. i silently watched as he poured his own drink.

charlie cleared his throat after he had finished, turning to face me. "i can't believe you actually showed up."

oh no, not him too.

"yeah i uhh... haven't had a lot of time on my hands" i struggled to reply.

he tilted his head slightly, his eyes feeling like daggers piercing my skin, "i mean, what's the point of even showing up anymore, right? not like you want to be here anyway."

everything came crashing down, the subtle harshness punching me in the face as i made the realisation.

i was truly alone.