Fragmented Rhapsody

Fragment 13

13
Alone

My following days were swallowed by the preparation for the competition.

Hindi man buong araw ang preparation, we still resort on meeting each other on most of our break times. On some days, we spend our time on the library, re-reading few complicated concepts about our project, but we also visit the conference room from time to time to rehearse our presentation.

Walang naging problema sa grupo namin. I'd like to think that the three of us are balanced. It's just that as days went by, I can feel the wall Felicia has built between me and her. Wala naman akong reklamo roon dahil advantage ko rin 'yon. I am not comfortable with interacting and it pays to my bidding.

I just don't like however how she manifests that wall. It almost feels like she's trying to carry out a message so cryptic that I can't understand myself – but as long as she doesn't over step the line, I'm fine with it.

"Done on your part, Des?" tanong niya sa taong katabi niya. We're just revising some parts of our research paper and correcting errors in the conference room, habang ang ibang mga grupo ay na sa library ngayon. 

Tumango si Octavian at inabot sa kaniya ang flash drive.

"How 'bout you, Natalia?" she turned at me. She's smiling but I can see through her expressionless eyes.

"I'm done too," I answered as I hand her my drive.

Ngumiti lang siya at nagpatuloy na sa paggawa.

That's our usual and normal set-up during our group meetings. Sabay-sabay din kaming lalabas ng library at conference room para mag-punta sa klase. Since we're of the same course, we most likely attend classes on the same buildings.

Usually, sila lang ni Octavian ang nag-uusap. I can see how Octavian always tries to include me on their conversations and how every time Felicia throws me her familiar expressionless stare. I already have a hunch about it but I'm giving everything the benefit of the doubt.

Hindi rin naman ako madaldal at alam ni Octavian 'yon. I am better at listening than talking. I can also feel how Octavian looks at me worriedly when I am silent but I just give him a smile to tell that everything's fine.

Kasi wala namang mali. There shouldn't be something wrong about it. But I can't deny how I've been feeling like there's a lump in my throat when both of them engage in a lively talk. It always feels like I'm intruding something I am not a part of. One way or another, alam kong dapat labas ako roon.

Tumunog ang alarm ni Felicia sa lamesa at hudyat na ito na tapos na ang meeting namin. The three of us stood up from our seats and picked up our stuff. She always sets an alarm 30 minutes before our classes to avoid tardiness.

Lumabas kaming tatlo sa conference room at naglalakad na sa pasilyo. Octavian's in our middle and he's discussing something with Felicia that I'm not familiar off.

This is okay. This is normal.

"Ganoon naman talaga si Lucifer," I heard her say. "I think I know the girl you've mentioned last week..."

"Kilala mo na? Talaga ba?" si Octavian nang natatawa. "He doesn't answer me whenever I ask him about it."

They must be talking about Lucifer's girl. Alam din pala ni Felicia 'yon. I don't know why I suddenly feel bitter that they're talking about it too. Akala ko ako lang ang ka-kwentuhan niya tungkol doon.

I shrugged everything about it and just turned to observe the multitude of students we're passing by. Some of them are obviously looking towards our direction and are gushing. Huminga ako nang malalim at tumingin na lang nang diretso sa dinadaanan.