Within

FOURTEEN

The air was cool, infused with the smell of rain and wet grass. I heaved in deep breaths, clearing my lungs of the dusty scent I had smelt for days. Rain was drumming on every surface, loud enough to overpower the creaky noise the hatch made when Lawrie was closing it. Above us the clouds were a dark greyish-blue, and the rain created a thick mist that hung over everything. The eaves above us were just wide enough to shelter us from the rain.

To say the least, I was disoriented. I looked left and right, but all I could see was an iron fence and beyond that, nothing but trees. I heard Lawrie say something, but the rain was too strong for me to understand anything clearly. After missing a beat, her took my wrist in his cold hand and pulled me forward into the downpour.

Water was in my eyes and I was stumbling with every step I took. The dress I was in made it too hard to run fast. Lawrie kept tugging me forward but I kept slowing him down. We ran for about a hundred metres, all of which I kept getting tangled in the many layers of wet cotton and silk.

Lawrie came to an abrupt stop, and I had to wipe my eyes to see we were at the fence. It was about as tall as Lawrie - maybe forty centimetres taller than me - and had spears on the top. Water was dripping off it. Lawrie took my by the waist and hauled me up. Again, he was saying something I didn't understand. I somehow managed to jump over to the other side and watched as Lawrie climbed the slippery fence himself. He struggled, and kept sliding back down. His face contorted into an expression of annoyance, yet determination. He kept trying, gritting his teeth and growling when he tumbled back down. But after a good five minutes, he made it over with a splash and a grunt. Without stopping to catch his breath, he ran into the forest, and I had no choice but to follow. Once inside the canopy of trees, the rain didn't fall so hard against my skin, and I could hear Lawrie panting beside me. The forest and the rain made a beautiful symphony of sound, and I closed my eyes just for a minute, imagining the boy from the dream, with his warm smile and bright eyes that shone against the dark clouds, sitting next to a trickling brook and sipping dew off a leaf......

My daydream broke when Lawrie was shaking me back to reality. I blushed, feeling ever so stupid for imagining such a cliché scene. I shook the thought out of my mind and was grateful Lawrie couldn't read it.

'Come on.' Lawrie said, tugging at my hand. 'If we don't go now, the guards will catch on to the fact that we're gone and come out on one or ten of those great big penguins you seemed to like so much and find us.'

I tried my hardest to suppress a smile. I could see that Lawrie held a compass in his hand. The arrow was facing almost North-East. Lawrie pulled me along like a misbehaving little girl, and eventually I fell into step with him, wrenching my hand from his firm yet gentle grip.

He walked fast, and I tried to keep up. Every few seconds I found Lawrie glancing down at his compass. He walked smoothly, his feet not colliding with any stray branches or unearthed roots. Whereas I stumbled on one every few seconds.

But the longer we walked, the more accustomed I became to the uneven ground. After half an hour or so, I was no longer tripping, but keeping my eyes fixed on the ground in search for any hazards.

EEEAAAAAKKKKK!

I heard a shrill bird's call from above, and cocked my head upwards to see where it came from. I shielded my eyes from the rain that was making it past the canopy. But I saw nothing but pine trees taller than some skyscrapers back home.

Home......

The forest was just like the one Jake and I used to spend our summer days in, the one near the park. The tall pines towered over us, casting shadows on the dirt sprinkled heavily with leaves. Instead of Lawrie, I could almost feel Jake by my side, his nose stuck in a book instead of staring at a compass. I didn't even bother to ask Lawrie about where we were going, and how he knew the directions. My mind was on Jake, my heart aching with sadness.

For the first time in almost a week, I found myself wondering what was happening back home. Was time standing still, or were there search parties looking for me? What was Jake doing? Was he with Skye, any last thoughts of me hidden away in a corner?

Maybe I did overreact about Jake being with Skye? Maybe it wasn't so bad after all? I was heart broken then, upset, lashing out like a hurt beast. But for the life of me, I couldn't remember why I was heart-broken. I remembered just a week ago my knees would go weak with the thought of Jake liking me. But now...... But now I felt nothing. I thought of his glittering eyes, and his trademark trilby hat, always somehow askew. I imagined his voice floating softly in my ear, his arm around my shoulders. But no matter how much I tried to revive that feeling I had for him, it's not there. All I felt was affection, more like that of a sister than...... something else.

Pain ebbed in my chest. Confusion clouded my mind and tears threatened to come out. Had I really gotten over him so fast? I liked him for more than two years, and that's just gone as quick as a click of my fingers? Maybe it was that I didn't have him to remind me of the way I felt, or that my mind was on other things, like getting out of the Reding Isles...... Or maybe my mind was on another boy completely?

The thought made my heart beat faster, and faster, and faster still. I thought through all of it. The fact that I might like Lawrie. The fact that his two-sided personality isn't bad - it's nice, - I'll admit, annoying at times - new, venerable. The fact that his touch is firm but gentle, hiding all signs of affection but also giving me all the ones I'm looking for. The fact that I find myself staring into his eyes and blushing when he looks back. The fact that he locked away his past and tried to be strong in order to survive. The fact that I know he isn't as string as he says he is.

But what about the boy in the dream? In all my dreams? I kept waking up is a cold sweat, with my cheeks burning and my heart racing. I couldn't get that imprint of his shining eyes out of my mind, and that happy smile. That dog my his feet, and the gentle flapping of his night-black hair.

The boy in the dream was Lawrie. I couldn't deny myself that. It was true. The facts could prove it. But the boy in the dream wasn't like Lawrie at all - he was happy, true to himself......

The boy in the dream was the part of Lawrie that he keeps hidden under layers upon layers of masks.

But the fact is clear.

I like Lawrie.

More that I've ever liked Jake, or any book character, or movie star. Lawrie's different. He's strong and fierce, but underneath that is a layer of venerability, or truth.

My head spun, and I had to stop, catch my breath, get my pulse down.

'You okay?' Lawrie stopped beside me. ' Cause we need to get moving before the sun sets.'

What could I say?

No, I'm not okay - I've just had the most nerve-racking realisation of my life, and I have no idea what to do. Apparently, I like you.

But I could only produce a nod. We kept walking.

I couldn't tell Lawrie the truth. Not now, not ever.

Maybe his true self would have at least stayed calm, but with the mask he pulls over himself like a second skin, I might as well have gotten ready to have my heart broken once again.