S H A D E S

And so it begins...

Morning dawned, bright sun and cloudless sky. And inside I was a mess of storm clouds and torrential rain. A clashing war of conflict for what I had to face. Everything was in order and no amount of dragging my feet was going to delay the matter any further. Nine am arrived and I was a reluctant bride in a shotgun wedding.

Naturally, I wore black. A pantsuit, plain and unadorned.

Documents were signed. The deed was done and I felt sick. So completely twisted and tied up into tight little knots of mixed emotion. The procession hadn't taken more than a half hour. Between myself, Tristan and the heads of our legal team, the paperwork had been lined up along the stretch of Iconic's boardroom table and we worked through the pages, almost like drones in an assembly line.

Signing. Initialling. Date stamping. Repeat.

By the end of it my hand was rigid, but from anxiety instead of chronic overuse. The merger was complete. Now all that remained was for the Press Releases to be drafted, finalized and for the Investor Relations department to herald the news to the world:

Iconic Communications was now a part of Shade Enterprises.

I now worked for Tristan Shade.

But ever the consummate professional, a woman at the top had to know how to perform when the lights and cameras were centered on her. I maintained a brave face until I was tucked away safe behind the door of my corner office. Here, and only here, I could let the mask drop. Behind my desk, safe from discovery as I'd had the foresight to lock my door, I poured myself into my chair and folded over with a groan.

Breathe, I instructed myself with my head between my legs. Deep breaths. Slow, deep and easy.

I hadn't expected it to be this hard. This wrenching. And right now I felt like a hole was being gnawed through my guts. The ache and burn of tears weighed behind my eyes but I held them at bay. Not even behind closed doors would I dare shed them while on office turf.

No amount of relief that came with a crying jag was worth the ruin of my face in the aftermath, and I simply couldn't justify the time it would take to set myself to rights again. I was fortunate enough to be gifted with natural beauty, but perfection required a hell of a lot of effort. And thanks to the completion of the merger, I now had a busy, busy day ahead of me.

My laptop propped on my desk winked to life as an email came through. I heard the tinkling chime and knew that it was time to wrap up my pity party, pull on my Big Girl panties and get on with things. Sucking in one more breath, exhaling slowly the way I learned in Yoga--and therapy--I sat up, took a second to allow the light-headedness to dissipate before typing in my password.

The screen cleared and up sprang at least a dozen emails I'd earmarked while in the signing-important but not pressing and could wait until the next hour to be sorted through. My eyes roved to the top of the list for the recent newcomer and-I stopped breathing.

"Well," I muttered, "he didn't waste much time." And opened Tristan's email.

Congratulations, Ms. Pierce. I couldn't be more excited to have concluded the business aspect of the merger, at long last. I will endeavour to make this transition smooth and efficient, and look forward to our collaborative efforts to ensure Iconic and Shade Enterprise's union is a successful one.

Brief, pleasant and not at all unprofessional; the sort of email one would expect during these circumstances, but I could dissect the subtext easily enough.

Are you okay? I hope this doesn't complicate things for us.

I closed the email without replying. I'd get to him later. Not now. Not while I felt so exposed and vulnerable, a tumultuous mix of emotions too snared to detangle. I was still CEO of the single largest communications firm in New York, and I had a job to do.