SMILE LIKE YOU MEAN IT | james potter

smile like you mean it

POLARIS BLACK IS NOT A BAD PERSON. She's not a particularly good one either, but in the grand scheme of things, she isn't bad. She lives in the grey area of right and wrong, dodging any consequences that might follow her. Sure, she has blood on her hands, maybe a little more than she should, but if those people had done things so horrific it gave even Hades chills, didn't they deserve it? Besides, when it comes to family values, hers are a little squiffy. I mean, have you met her sister? A complete and utter psychopath.

She likes to think of herself as a utilitarian of sorts, when she thinks at all, taking out the people who have done terrible, unspeakable things, and who are bound to do more. Everybody wins. She gets a little satisfaction of revenge, no more people die at the hands of whatever son of a bitch was her most recent target, and their previous victims families get a little relief. It's a win win, except for the dead guy, but it wasn't anything they didn't deserve. They deserved to lose, as they had already taken so much.

It's practically clockwork now, track the target, finish the job. She's been doing it for years, and she's going to keep doing it, because there are always, always people who are going to cause pain. She's numb to the slight lurch you get in your stomach as the light leaves a person eyes, not that she sticks around long enough to see that happen — she's not sick. She's numb to everything really. If you don't feel, you can't get hurt. She's numb to everything, until James Potter comes back into her life and ruins it all.

James fucking Potter with his stupid hazel eyes and his stupid glasses and his stupid stupid messy hair — you'd think he'd have learned how to tame it by age thirty five, and worst of all, his stupid big heart. Maybe it was the death of the love of his life and the near death of his son that made people think the fire inside of James Potter, the goodness inside of him, the love, had been extinguished — James would be dead himself if he hadn't nipped to the shops for a pint of fucking milk, but James' heart glowed white, and it's light illuminated everyone around him. God, he was so hard to dislike.

Polaris didn't hate James Potter, she didn't even dislike him, not really, she just doesn't like the fact that he's so... tempestuous. He's full to the brim with emotion, and Polaris can't stand it. It makes her want to feel again, and she can't afford to do that. She can't afford to get hurt again, and she isn't going to let herself do it. She isn't going to let him unlock all of the emotions she's been supressing for ten years, even if it kills her.

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"save some face, you know you've only got one...