The s(ex) tapes

Sex (With My Ex)

Shannon POV:

"Are you ready for today ShanBee?"

We were still in bed at this point, we had both been awake for a while, but neither of us wanted to move, it was going to be a tough day.

If i was completely honest with how i was feeling, i know Cari would of called quits on this project here, and she would of come up with another idea for the video, with someone else directing it. but i couldn't let her do that, i knew how special this was to her.

So i sucked it in and replied "I'm not not looking forward to it, it will be an interesting one, a hard one though"

"if it get's too much, just talk to me, okay, we can stop, we don't have to film it all today"

I loved how  supportive she was, this was going to be hard on her too.

"Hey cari? - i was thinking. would it be okay if i edited the whole of this music video? Obviously it can get sent off for the final touches and stuff, but i kind of want something that is closure, i think. I don't really know what i mean, so i don't expect you to, but it's just something i want to do"

"of course, this is your project as much as mine, Shan"

The idea behind today's video was to basically film a sex tape, well, kind of. It's going to be a bunch of pictures and memories from our whole relationship mixed with some very intimate clips.

...

Some hours had passed and we were mid filming. We decided to put a sign on the door saying do not enter, since there wasn't a lock, and we were both practically naked. 

For many of the shots it was very hard to contain the way i was feeling. i would be stood over Cari's naked body, or lying next to her, feeling our skin connect.

"Can we take 5? i need to, uh, i need the toilet" i said and scurried off to the bathroom. We both know i diddn't need the toilet.

"good toilet break?" cari sniggered

"alright, i was getting a bit flustered, i'll admit it, all ive been doing for the past two hours is admiring your beautiful body, pretending not to be"

"you're too cute ShanBee, I love you"

Once we had finished filming, we needed to find all the photos and videos that we wanted to include. This was the hardest part.

We both put our clothes back on  and started to look through our phones and laptops.

This is what hurt.

Cari POV:

We both sat in silence, just reminiscing.

I could feel my eyes tearing up, but tried to hold it back. i knew this was going to happen, there is a reason you're meant to get someone else to go through your phone and delete all the pictures of your ex. 

"Life was so much easier back when we first met, wasn't it". Shannon broke the silence

"No problems, we were happy, no quarantine, no lockdown, no worries, and then life got in the way."

"We are still happy Shannon, arnt we?"

"yes, but i'd be happier if this was all a dream"

I didn't really know what to reply to that, so i just kept quiet and continued scrolling.

That's when i noticed Shannon crying, i didn't really know what to do. Do i acknowledge it? she didn't mention it. I debated what to do for a few seconds, whilst still scrolling, until i came across a video from when we went ice skating, and i said that we were going to get married one day. The tears then flooded my eyes

"fuck, why are we doing this to ourselves" i said, throwing my phone on the bedside table and wiping my eyes with a tissue"

"its a good pain though, it hurts, but it's a good hurt" shannon replied, also putting her phone down, and turned to wipe my tears.

"do you, do you regret having sex after we broke up?"

"no, i mean, i know the song is about that, but i know in my heart that if it happened again i would do the same, and yes when i was writing this, i did regret it, i did wish i we hadn't but now, i'm okay with it"

"ok, good, i'm glad, because i don't have any regrets either, well not yet anyway"

At this point we were both just crying and looking back on memories together. In retrospect that is probably the most toxic thing to do, but i think it was good to do, we accepted that we had a good run, and that it was time for it to end, but not forever.

...

Shannon POV

"i go home tomorrow, what happens then" i asked

"can we discuss that later, i just want to make the most of the last evening with you."

*Sorry this ended kind of randomly, i didn't know how else to do it