I don't want to be here anymore - HQxreader os

shirabu kenjirou

you were living the perfect life with shirabu. despite his tsundere-like personality, he was rather soft to you. every Sunday you would walk in the park together or go out and eat a picnic. it has all been great. until recently, when you were hurrying home after work to get to your husband as soon as possible to celebrate your 5th anniversary.

as if you're again, you can feel how your car almost drifted for each turn you made. shirabu had told you he'd get off from work earlier than usual (which of course, as a doctor, is splendid). wanting to finally be the one to surprise him with something for your anniversary was what made you hurry home and immediately begin to make your kitchen a bit festive.

it was all fun, truly; you turned the kitchen to look like a luxurious diner whilst wearing your favourite outfit in preparation for his arrival. hopefully, he'd be a bit exhausted and feel relief when seeing your gift.

when the door finally knocked you sprinted towards it, wanting to engulf him with a hug. usually on your earlier anniversaries, it was shirabu who surprised you on the doorstep with a large bouquet of flowers. pimping your hair a bit extra before opening you swung the door open. however, this year, he was once again the one to surprise you. but not him in person; instead, an ambulance worker greeted you back with "are you miss Shirabu?" followed by a "your husband has been in an accident".

"ma'am. ma'am-"

Friday, 10:21 PM

You wake up from your wake and readjust yourself in the uncomfortable seat. a familiar nurse stops shaking your shoulder and lightly smiles at you.

"hello miss shirabu. do you want me to prepare you a bed for the night? she questions and you smile lightly at her before shaking your head as a polite no.

"no no it's fine, truly." you respond and grip your jacket on the backrest of the chair. "I'll get going."

the nurse nods politely and leaves the room for you to be in peace with shirabu. yet you dislike it. you dislike how incredibly still he lies or how his fingers spasm here and there. you hate the way he tries to speak with you but not being able to, due to his sore throat. you hate how his eyes are never fully open and instead in a squinting mode. you hate the way the only sound in the room is his everlasting ekg beeping, his own breath with yours and the mundane tv that is always running; as if shirabu can even manage to understand what it says.

what you hate the most of it all though, is how shirabu is in constant pain. how he groans every time he tries to readjust himself in his hospital bed, or how he almost cries each time he tells you goodnight or i love you.

i love you.

how ironic, right?

you sometimes wonder if he truly does. his memories are gone with barely any left. it all feels overwhelming. all your memories, all of your perfect moments. each time you try to talk to him or tell him stories, he tries to pretend to understand and remember. but you know, you know deep enough his facial features to know how he looks when he's lying and not.

"kenjirou?" you mumble and sit down on the side of his bed. despite the overbearing pain he manages to show a faint smile at you; which you've by now understood is his way of saying yes. "i need to go home now. i love you, all right?" you tell him and land a kiss on his forehead.

his eyes close slowly at the warming touch. as if not managing to stop, you hold him close to you and smell his hair lightly. you truly prefer his strawberry-scented shampoo than this average hospital shampoo. he doesn't smell like shirabu anymore. he only smells like medicine and toxins, something else you've grown to hate.