I don't want to be here anymore - HQxreader os

kawanishi taichi

ironically enough, the day of his funeral appeared to be sunny. yikes, you mumbled as your gaze wandered over your many pots of different oriental flowers and plants; some of them which appeared to have given up on life. the weather, however, wasn't your biggest concern; it was the glorious ring on the desk in front of you. 

you had slid it off, slowly, in front of his picture; a beautiful photograph that was taken at your wedding. his hair looked like honey, glazed and shimmery; his face as well, with his sweet eyes intently on your figure. you had an urge to cry but couldn't manage to do it; perhaps you were drained of tears to spill?

when your mother urgently knocked on your room, you hesitantly rose from the bed. the plush sheets left dents alike your shadows once you left it. in all truth and honesty, you did want to engulf yourself in the covers for a while longer before needing to attend the funeral. nothing in the world can prepare you to hold a speech at your husband's funeral, can it?

you knew long ago he was going to die. it wasn't something out of the blue; truthfully, you were waiting- of course not in a positive way- for the day that the hospital would call you because of his passing. after a stroke left him unconscious, his memory once he woke up had faded severely. 

"i remember how you told me you know you love me." 

each day was different from the day before, which was a new way of living. the peace you used to have wasn't there anymore, rather everything was about him trying to remember. 

"i remember how you said that you might not remember, but you still know why you love me."

the days of yours were spent at your work, followed by evenings in the hospital. of course, you wanted to be with your husband; that's why a certain, unnamed if you may, nurse often let you stay past the hours written in the rules. despite his uncertainty of who you were, he still wanted and even urged you to cuddle up close to him. kawanishi was just like that, wasn't he? it was barely a bother for him that his memories were partly gone; his peace and trust remained. 

"i remember the night we laid in our garden, staring into the sky. you told me that stars were all souls of people and i remember how awfully cheesy i thought it sounded. but now, i kind of understand. each time a star shines extremely brightly, i feel a stronger connection to you."

you strode anxiously into the hospital, waving blankly at the receptionist- who long ago remembered your face- before hurrying to his room. once your steps stopped in his room, you felt your knees weaken. there were nurses all around him, all doing different things. a monitor showed his blood pressure; 80/50. it was dropping once again. 

"kawanishi taichi, you were and will always be the brightest light in my life." 

a nurse redirected you from the entrance to a place in a corner to avoid you from getting in the way. people were shouting code blue and you felt your chest contract; it was ending.