I don't want to be here anymore - HQxreader os

semi eita

"my love, please don't hesitate to send me letters..." semi tells you and clutches your waist tightly in the engulfing hug.

"oh fear not, dear, i shall send thou letters each day that passes." you respond and wave him off as he boards his train with his leathered bag.

his eyes let teardrops, as frail as glass, fall from his squinting eyes.

"farewell my love!" he screams out of the window and you nod, smiling lightly to hide the aching in your heart. however, once his hand draws back inside the window and you no longer see his green suit, you fall onto your knees and sob. mother knows how pained you are and therefore engulfs you in an ever tighter hug than semi's. she wipes away some of the many tears that have stained your cheek with her prettiest scarf, the one she got from semi at christmas several years ago.

"i won't be able to see him again!" you scream out and clutch mother's arm harshly, letting your sobs fall into her shoulder.

"y/n, do not worry! he will not be gone for long!" she politely exclaims and closes her eyes, trying to shut out the immense screams that you emit.

wanting to support you as much as she can, she holds back her waters to prevent you from feeling her everlasting sorrow.

One year later

"my love, eita, this is your wife. y/n.

i do not know for how long this war is going to hold on, all i know is that the major in town is directing us to stay inside. i feel trapped in these caged walls, with my memories and presence of you only being the fading scent on our bedsheets. my love, do fight hard.

i just got assigned a job at the post office. i'm partly head of sending out these letters for you and the many other men out at war; oh love, how i hate the feeling. i tremendously hate how i begin to memorise these millions of names that send so many letters each day.

you are not too old, not too young. eita, you are however too young to die. the world is being destroyed, but you and i will be able to build it up again. we will live in a beautiful villa at the top of a hill with stone hedges and beautiful pathways through our great garden. oh, love, how we will drink our coffee early in the morning while watching the sunrise from the bottom of the hill.

what should we name our first-born? i'd prefer something regarding you, so something like "brave" would suit them.

love, each day i wait for you on the porch.

sincerely, semi y/n."

The following day

"y/n! i have such great news!

our lieutenant told us yesterday that we'll board the ships in just a few weeks. oh, love, how i will kiss you. thank you for sending some of our photos, they've been the things (along with your letters, of course) that has kept me going.

i have happily not endured any too severe accidents, the most being a bullet wound in my toe. i've been lucky to not have to be in the frontlines; however, whether or not i like being in safety, it's a heavy burden. tsutomu passed just the other day, i watched his body disintegrate to ash. right in front of my eyes.

strangely enough, i haven't been crying. our therapist here has told me that i suffer from a mental illness making me suppress my emotions, though i think it's the pills they give us each morning.

now, i do not want to bother you too much. i definitely crave some pop, so please my love, buy tons of it for my arrival back home.

with love, eita."

the weeks by slowly and you and eita exchanged letters each passing day. the day to their boarding of the ships closened, but the letters became less frequently sent.

your checks on the mailbox became your escape from reality. each letter had his scent in it, his musky scent mixed with blood. you disliked its grogginess but it would do.

13th of november

the day finally arrives and you hurriedly scratch the envelope open and kiss the paper before reading the message. but when your eyes follow the splattery lines of word after word, you feel your knees beginning to weaken.

"love, they found a message i've hidden from you where i told you about our missions. i sinned and i will have to pay the price. please remember i love you. i sent my wedding ring with this, and a part of my suit. y/n, i love you and i will wait for you in the afterlife.

i will wait for you, just as patiently as you've waited for me. okay? i will watch over you each day and always comfort you. i bought this bracelet a while ago for you and planned on giving it to you when coming back but since i now, won't, i give it to you now.

my love, do not wail. love, do not forget me but let me go.

my love, i love you to the moon and back. my love, go see the stars for me. go work hard enough to be able to buy a villa at the top of that mountain. grow lilies for me, dear.

your love, eita."

... he's not here anymore.

"my day of execution is the 11th of november. how ironic, right at my birthday. if you receive this after that date, i am watching you from the other side."