Out of Touch

05

⚠️ slight trigger warning

jan 14, 2021—
journal entry

Not even in the mood to start this shit off properly.

I'm going to shove my foot so far up someone's ass that it'll be coming out of their throats.

So far I've managed to keep my words at a level where you can understand me but, I can't do that today. My head isn't screwed on straight. And until I unscrew these stupid pieces of metal, replace them with the correct ones, and remember righty tighty lefty loosey..my mind won't function. Bear with me.

Pressure.

That word alone makes my core burn up and my eyes squint. It's negative. BAD. Disgusting. Every sentence that you put that word in is just repulsive.

"They Pressured them."

"It's too much pressure."

"The pressure is too high."

"Apply pressure on it." That just sounds fucking gross. Makes me think of hospitals and gushing blood.

Anything with that fucking word is negative and you wannna know what set of people know that word like the back of their fucking hands?

Family. Parents.

Fucking hell they're practically married to that word. Sucking the soul out of it's dick. I just don't get it.

Family is a whole few pages worth to truly express my emotions toward the subject matter but, I'm sure we both know the reality. The group of individuals that are supposed to love and protect you because, "blood is thicker than water."

Bull fucking shit.

I understand, trust me. When people have an immense amount of value for their family members and would do anything for them; it comes first or whatever. I get it. But do not think for a second that that quote should always stand. Kick it by its fucking knees and tackle it if you have to.

Never and I repeat, NEVER assume that because people are connected by blood it means they have to stay and suffer through all the degrading, comparing, yelling and so on.

You don't have to go through that.

Take some fucking Anticoagulants.

It's pathetic that they use it against you too... but this isn't about dissecting what family really is. It's about the immense amount of 'pressure' being put on me. On you.

It doesn't matter how many pet names your mother uses on you when she's satisfied. It's what she says when she's blinded by rage, disappointment that her little creation isn't turning out the way she envisioned.

Going from "Aw pumpkin I'm so happy for you," to picking out the seeds themselves and gutting all your inside so she could eat it up like pie on fucking thanksgiving.

Very thoughtful!

The negative always outweighs the positive and I stand by that. Yes my mood easily gets crumbled like a piece of trash but, when it comes to "family".... one word. One word is all it takes for your mind to go spiraling and your body to weaken by the second.

They love to claim that things are done for your best interest but we all know that's a load of dog shit. Is it so hard to fucking understand that yes, my 'deprived of pussy' father knocked up my 'deprived of male attention' mother and planted his shit in her, but what came out of that is it's own person.

Ah yes your little seed blossomed into a beautiful drooling, farting, vomiting child but what? People end up acting like having a child is just keeping cum as a pet anyway.