Nerdy Heaven

Grave yard

After Jeff's funeral I didn't want to do anything. I didn't even want to live. Not that I did before the funeral. But now it was all too real. He was in the ground. Cold and alone. And I was up here, cold and alone as well. He had a tombstone that had his name on it, like they all do. I went to it often, just to talk to him. I knew he wasn't, but I wanted to feel like he was there, with me, and listening to me talk, and cry to him. I laid in bed for hours like I did everyday. Not doing anything. Not eating, not drinking for the most part. Nothing.

I would lay in bed all day everyday. And cry, and cry. I didn't have anything. I had lost the two most important things in my life. My precious baby, and the man I loved.

I hadn't showered in days. And I hadn't even changed.

I was going through my normal runtime of crying my eyes out cuddled up to the teddy bear with his shirt on it. When there was a knock at the door. I forced myself to stand up taking a blanket with me and wrapping it around myself. I walked out to the living room and opened the door.

Once it was open it revealed a boy with beautiful brown hair flipped to the right. Sunglasses, white skinny jeans, hands in his front pockets. A red flannel buttoned half way up, and black supras. Justin. "Justin." I said in shock.

"Hey." He said, and I could see his eyebrows scrunching together. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"Um." I said crying again. "Jeff got shot, and he um." I but my lip hard. "He didn't make it." I said.

"Oh my god." He said pulling me into a hug. "I'm so sorry."

It was only when I smelt how good Justin smelled, that I realized how much I stunk.

"Uh." I said quickly pulling away. "I'm sorry. I haven't showered in days, and I can smell me, so I'm sure you can. Um do you want to come in?" I asked.

"Yea." He nodded.

"Okay, I'm going to shower. Make yourself at home." I said scurrying down the hall clutching my blanket.

I quickly showered. Then walked into my room and put on a pair of skinny jeans and one of Jeff's shirts, then walked out and saw Justin sitting on the couch playing on his phone.

"Hi." I said quietly. My hair was still wet and I didn't bother to take the makeup off that was smeared before I even got in the shower.

"Hey." He said. "Come sit." He said patting the couch.

Honestly I didn't really feel comfortable. I didn't feel like I was with my best friend Justin. He wasn't stuttering, at all. He was acting confidant, which was good, I'm glad he was now confidant. But it wasn't my Justin. Not the Justin I knew.

I slowly walked over to the couch and sat a good distance from him.

"I'm sorry Kat." He said.

I nodded. "Me too." I said my eyes filling up with water.

"I can't believe this happened. I mean you always hear stuff but never think it's going to happen to you." He said.

"I know." I said.

"Is there anything I can do?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No. But it's good to see you."

He flashed me a small smile. "It's good to see you too." He said.

After a long time of sitting in silence I spoke up. "You don't stutter anymore... At all." I blurted out.

"W-what?" He asked shocked.

"That's the first you've stuttered since you got here." I pointed out.

"O-oh, well I- I, I mean the crew and I have b-been working on- on it." He said suddenly stuttering as much as he used you.

"I'm sorry. That was rude of me." I said looking away.

"N-no it's okay." He said placing a hand on my back.

"You just don't seem like the same Justin." I said honestly.

"I d-don't?" He asked.

I slowly shook my head. "No, it's just... You aren't shy like you used to be, you don't stutter, your voice is even deeper."

"Well, it has been awhile since you've last seen me." He said sounding confidant again, and not stuttering.

"Yea I guess." I said.

"Let's go do something."

"Like what?"

"I don't know." He said. "Just something to cheer you up."

"I can't be cheered up." I said "Its impossible at this point."

He leaned close to me and whispered in my ear. "Nothing's impossible." It sent chills down my spine and for just a few seconds brought back the little crush I used to have on him. "Let's go." He said standing up.

I stood up and walked to my room putting my hair in a messy pony tail, and put a pair of high tops on, then wiped my makeup off and walked out.

"Ready?" He asked.

I nodded. We walked outside and Justin put his glasses on. We got to his car and he grabbed a SnapBack off the dashboard and put it on.

He started the car and pulled away.

"Justin."

"Hmm?" He asked.

"Um. Before we go anywhere can we stop by the cemetery?" I asked. "I just um. I just want to visit Jeff for a couple minutes."

"Course Kat." He said putting a blinker on.

We got to the grave yard and parked. I undid my seatbelt and opened the door. Justin did the same and followed me to Jeff.

When I got to his headstone I sat down in front of it.

"Hey baby." I said as I started to silently cry. I knew Justin was going to think I was insane for talking to him, but I knew he could hear me. I knew he was there with me. "Justin's here." I said. "He came all the way back from his new big shot life to see us." I said laughing just a little. "He uh, obviously was a little late to see you." I said shedding more tears. "But I know you would've loved seeing him."

Justin was standing behind me with his hands in his pockets. I looked back at him and he have me a sympathetic smile. "Can I have just a second alone with him?" I asked, probably sounding crazy again.

"Of course." He said walking back to the car.

"I miss you so much Jeff." I said putting my hand on the stone. "I didn't honestly even think it was possible to miss somebody so much that it hurt this bad." I said. "I wish this wouldn't have happened, or I wish I was dead too, so that I could be with you." I put my forehead on the cold rock. "I've thought about it so much, just killing myself so that I could be with you again. The only reason I haven't, and that I'm not going to is because I know you would be mad at me." I paused. "Sometimes though, I think that's not a good enough reason not to do it." I said running my hand over the face of his headstone. "I know you'd eventually forgive me."

I don't know if it was me imagining things, or if it was really Jeff. But I swear I felt something swoosh through me. Something warm and comforting. Something that I like to believe is Jeff.