Siren Song

Stay

     I was lead into a concrete room. It was so different that what I was used to I was starting to think we were in a different facility. The door was different too. As soon as I was pushed in, the door sealed shut like a vault. The sound seemed to stay in the room forever. Trapped, just like me. On each wall was a metal pipe. The openings were leaking and were a bit bigger than a full grown man. What could possibly be going through those pipes that required them to be so big?
     I looked above me to see catwalks and an observation deck. I walked over to the pipe closest to me, but they were way too high up for me to see much inside. My ears picked up the sound of approaching footsteps and chattering voices. I watched 10, then 20 people in lab coats file out onto the catwalks above me. My Father walked in last and stood on the observation deck. I quickly made my way over to him, feeling safer with each step. The rest of the observers laughed as I practically ran right under him.
     "Hello, Emily. Do you remember our little discussion yesterday?" My fathers voice bounced off the walls and silenced what little laughter remained. I did remember, but I'd rather not. This was the longest I had gone without making a bit of progress. He was convinced that I was capable of distorting sounds I had already heard. As it didn't sound as hard to do as some of his other requests, I practiced as often as I could.
     Months went by without any advancement on his request. He went though his usual methods of motivation. Starvation, torture, but none of it was working. I supposed that this was his last ditch effort since yesterday he told me that he was going to 'try something new.'
     "Yes, I remember." I said this quietly, but my voice echoed through the concrete room and was heard easily.
     "Good. Good. Now," he began to speak to the gathered crowd. "As you're all aware, she has a terrible fear of the ocean. I was hoping you could all join me in witnessing a well deserved punishment." My heart sank as sea water spilled from the pipes and onto the floor.
     I woke up drenched in my own sweat. My hand prodded the muzzle that was fitted to my face. Everything was so dark. Where am I? My hands glided across the soft surface of a blanket. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I was surprised to see myself in a fully furnished bedroom. A mini fridge, TV, and bottles of water were some of the luxuries closest to me.
     Thor, Steve, and Loki must've brought me back here. Loki was with them? Do I remember that correctly? I brushed the soft fabric off of my body and crept to the door. I tried the handle as quietly as I could. Locked. Damn it. I closed my eyes and focused on the sounds of the house. The sizzle of a frying pan, 7 steady heartbeats, happy chatter, and bare feet on hard wood floor. The sounds of a happy household. It sounds like they're all in the kitchen. I wonder if I can throw my voice that far yet? I guess there was only one way to find out.
     I breathed in deeply and pushed out my voice.
     "Hey, I'm awake in here." I could hear my own voice being projected from the kitchen followed by a shattering of plates.
     "What the hell?" Stark's voice was easily recognizable. I pushed again.
     "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you. Can you let me out?"
     "I thought she had a muzzle on?"
     "She does." I didn't have the strength to throw my voice again. It was already starting to burn again from how much sea water I swallowed. The sound of several foot steps approached the door and turned the handle. I stepped back several times to give them some room.
     They all seemed genuinely surprised that I was still in the room. I know it must've sounded like I was just behind them in the kitchen.
     "I told you she had a muzzle on," said Steve.
     "How the hell did you do that?" Asked Stark. I wish I could've answered, but I didn't want to push myself too far after what just happened. I pointed to the muzzle, hoping someone would understand. Clint patted Stark on the back.
     "All right, this is getting a little too weird for me. I'm gonna go clean up the kitchen." And with that, he departed.
     "What he said," Banner agreed before following Clint. I pointed to the muzzle again. Thor walked in and leaned down to match my height.
     "Your word that you are calm?" I nodded my head once. He pulled back the latch and let it fall into his palm. I flexed my jaw gratefully. I didn't realize how sore and stiff it had gotten. "May we have a moment?" Everyone else had seemed to have relaxed a bit so they agreed and left you two alone to talk.
"Thor," I began. There was a lot of things I wanted to say. Saying 'sorry' didn't cut it anymore. I had done so much, killed so many. Before I could think of how to word it, he had pulled me into a gentle hug. It felt so different than the hugs my father used to give. It was warm, gentle, and it lasted. This is what a hug felt like when it came from someone who cared. It only took me a second to hug him back.
"I'm glad that you are safe," he confessed into my ear. Thor probably felt like he was telling the truth, but I knew better. As long as my father was still alive, I wasn't truly safe.
You two had sat on your bed and talked of things each other had missed while the other was gone. Thor filling you in on everything made your realize just how capable S.H.I.E.L.D. truly was.
"Thor, I want to apologize. I'm sorry for leaving, for killing all those people, and for fighting you. I didn't want any of it." Thor nodded solemnly.
"Everyone thinks they want revenge, but they often regret their actions afterwards. Then they are left feeling lost, unsure of what to do next." I silently agreed. If I had ended up killing my father, it wouldn't have fixed anything. You then realized how much suffering you had been saved from.
"Thank you for stepping in." I paused. "And thank you for saving me from drowning. I guess I don't have to tell you how much I hate the ocean."
"Loki is the one who saved you, actually." I looked up into his light blue eyes.
"Really?" He nodded.
"It wouldn't be fair for me to take all the credit." He sighed. "But now I'm afraid that Loki's role has been filled. It's time for him to return to Asgard." My heart stopped. Go back to Asgard? No, he needs to stay. He can't leave.
"Wait, Thor. Please let him stay," I pleaded. Why? Why am I doing this? I need to stop this. Thor looked just as confused as I expected.
     "May I ask why?" I really wish I knew so I could tell him.
     "Please, Thor. Please just let him stay. Make up an excuse," I suggested. He rested his hands on my shoulders.
     "I would be more inclined to do what you asked if you gave me a reason." What the hell am I supposed to say?
     "I'm sorry. I don't know why." I looked down into my lap. He lifted up my chin.
     "Listen to me. I want you to know that you don't owe him your gratitude. If you want him to stay then consider it done, but don't let him fool you into believing he cares for you. He will betray your trust the moment you give it to him," he warned.
     "I didn't know that you felt that way about him." He shook his head.
     "It's the way I have to feel." I wondered how many times Loki had truly betrayed him. After Thor had said his peace he lead me to the 'common room' as he called it. It was an open area kitchen and living room separated only by a granite bar. A delicious smell was wafting through the room as Steve was folding some sort of sponge like yellow disc in a pan. To my right was a glass cell bolted to the wall. Loki sat inside and seemed to be refusing to look at me. I felt my shame grow as I realized they had all been here for months searching for me.
Thor cleared his throat to capture their attention, but I had a feeling they all knew we were behind them.
"Morning, sunshine. Hungry? We're making eggs," Stark said happily. I felt nervous to speak, like I wasn't allowed to yet. After everything that I've done I didn't feel like a deserved a warm welcome so easily.
"Hey. I uh, just wanted to say that I'm sorry." I couldn't look at them while I said this. I couldn't help but remember the days' worth of slaughter at the facility. Fury was right to lock me up. I'm a monster.
"Really, kid? Months of worrying and waiting and you can't even look at us while you apologize?" Steve's words were harsh, but his voice was gentle. It somehow made what he said worse. They cut into me and weighed down my chest. I looked up at them all and, just as I had expected, seeing all of their disappointed expressions didn't help. I tried again. This time, my apology was much more sincere.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry about running off without telling you anything. I'm sorry for murdering hundreds-"
"Viciously. You're sorry about viciously murdering hundreds," Tony corrected
"Yes, viciously. Thank you, Tony. How did you know I was racking my brain for an adjective?" I continued before he had the chance to interrupt again. "I'm sorry about viciously murdering hundreds. I'm sorry about stealing peoples money and credit cards. I'm sorry about forging official documents like my drivers license, my ID, and my birth certificate so I could illegally travel to different countries. And I'm sorry about fighting Thor, Loki, and Steve when they were just trying to help. There. I think that just about covers everything." No one said anything until Natasha shrugged.
"Sounds like me when I was 14."
"Good to have you back, kid." Steve cracked a grin erasing his hard mask. I felt guilty. Was that it? How are they so willing to take me in again?
"Hey, how many eggs do you want?" Steve asked without turning away from the pan. I stared blankly.
"What are eggs?" Steve seemed like he didn't even have the strength to turn back around.
"Christ," Clint muttered under his breath.
    It turned out that eggs didn't come out of a brown packet like everything else I had eaten. Natasha took her time to show me how to use the utensils and how to use table manners. She switched back and forth between teaching me and Thor which made the information easier to grasp. It also made me feel less embarrassed to know I wasn't the only one at the table who had to be told not to eat with my hands.
     "In Asgard, we throw down our empty goblets and demand another round to show our appreciation to the server."
     "Please don't," Banner said between sips of coffee.
     "I don't mean to pry, but how is it that you don't know how to use a fork?" Stark asked in what he must of thought to be a polite tone. It wasn't.
     "Oh, I didn't even think about it. My dad always gave me powdered food in brown packets. He never gave me fork or anything," I answered honestly. With all that I had put them though, I felt like they deserved to know the truth about me. The atmosphere at the table changed. I didn't want to look at their faces because I knew they would look concerned. I didn't want to see it.
"Kid, are you feeling alright?" Steve asked. I set my fork down on my unfinished plate.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just getting used to these changes that's all." An uncomfortable silence followed. Everyone was eating really slow. "Am I still an Avenger?" I added.
"I think that's up to you." Steve left the choice to me, but I knew what he wanted.
"I want to be an Avenger, but I don't think I'm well suited for the job," I confessed.
"Don't worry, you're not the only one at the breakfast table who's committed mass murder." Natasha said. Bruce rubbed his eyes like he didn't get enough sleep.
"I wish we could start off our mornings without mentioning murder."
"Well, abstinence would be the first step in the right direction," Stark replied.
"I wasn't really talking about my streaky past. I was talking about being under qualified. I can't fight without using my abilities, but I don't want to rely on them anymore." I looked to Steve, Natasha, and Clint as I said this. If anyone was licensed to train me as an Avenger, it would be them. "Will you train me?"
     "Of course we will!" Clint said eagerly. I felt my excitement rise.
     "Really? When can we start?" Natasha bit back a smile.
     "Tomorrow morning. I'll wake you up at seven so be ready. Get lots of sleep," she commanded. I already knew I was too excited to be able to sleep tonight. Besides, I had to take care of something. I stole a glance at Loki when I thought no one was watching and was dissatisfied as I saw he had his back turned to us.
"Alright. I'll be ready," I lied. She gave a quick nod and left to place her empty plate in the sink.
"Clint, you wanna help me write out a training schedule?"
"Can do," he replied. Thor stood from his chair and placed a hand on Steve's shoulder.
"May I speak with you?" Steve looked a little confused but complied. He followed Thor to the next room as the rest of us watched their retreating backs. Maybe he was going to talk about my request with Steve?
"Think they're gonna go make out?" Stark asked.
"Oh, most definitely," I replied.
That night I stayed in my room and listened to everyone's heartbeats slow as they feel asleep. It's not that I was doing anything wrong, but if someone were to catch me I didn't really want to answer any of their questions. Loki was the only one in the house besides me that was still awake, just as I knew he'd be.
I removed the sound of my footsteps and breathing as I crept down the hall. Using this trick I was absolutely certain he wouldn't be able to hear me. I didn't want to sneak a look just yet. I didn't feel like I was close enough. I moved silently into the living room and ducked behind the bar, obstructing me from Loki's view.
     I placed my back against the counter while I was still on the ground. This was probably a good time for me to think of what I was going to say, but my mind was drawing blanks. What am I even doing here? Thor said I didn't owe him my gratitude. Then why do I feel like this? I should just go. I should be in bed since it's already eleven.
     "I know you're there. Reveal yourself," Loki commanded in a low voice. I stood up and peaked my head over the counter. He didn't seem at all impressed with my sudden presence.
     "How did you know I was here? I didn't make any sound." He laughed and spread his arms as if to embrace me.
     "I know everything." Feeling that that was the best answer he would give, I moved the conversation forward.
     "I just wanted to thank you for saving my life," I confessed. I slowly made my way around the counter and closer to his cell. My heart beat wildly as I stood close enough to see my reflection in the glass. He didn't seem to find my confession endearing.
     "A mistake I won't make again, I can assure you." He spit these words like venom and I cursed myself for even coming out here. I should've known better. I shook my head sadly.
"I was stupid to think that you would react any other way."
"For once, we agree." My blood started to boil and I raised my voice a little louder than intended.
"Why are you being such an asshole?"
"Have you ever known me to be anything else?"
"No, but I thought you could change. You can't possibly be as heartless as you claim."
     "Try me."
     "You could've let me drown, but you didn't. Why?" He was getting really pissed now. I could see it in the lines of his face.
"Are you aware of how pathetic you sound?"He was dodging my question.
"Answer me. Why didn't you let me drown?" He scoffed like I should've known the answer already.
"You really think that was an option with Thor breathing down my neck?"
"An asshole wouldn't care about the consequences. I think you saved me because you care." He calmed down a second and switched gears. A psychotic smile spread across his face as he leaned against the glass. As scary as he looked, I caught myself wishing the glass would disappear. God, this stupid crush is going to get me killed.
"You truly believe I care for you?"
"Yes." At least, I hoped he did. His green eyes flashed dangerously. His laugh was almost a whisper.
"Release me from this cell so I can show you just how much I care for you." His tone was cocky because he knew I couldn't do that. But I couldn't let him win the argument. I slid open the tray slot and slowly put my hand inside. I was crossing over a part of my body into dangerous territory. My heart pounded in my ears and I wondered if he could hear how loud my breathing was. Or was it all in my head?
His eyes never left mine as his hand slid down the glass. I felt like a deer caught in headlights. Why am I doing this? Am I willing to lose a hand to prove a point? I felt fear, but not for the safety of my hand. Oddly enough, I felt like we were going to get caught. Like we were doing something very very wrong. My anxiety played tricks on my hearing as I imagined Stark walking down the hall and seeing me like this. What would they think? My eyes darted to the camera that had a clear view of everything. No one is watching security this late at night. Don't freak yourself out even more.
His hand finally got close before he pushed himself away from me with a grunt. He turned his back to me when he spoke again.
"You should take your leave before I change my mind about breaking your hand." I let my hand fall back to my side and slid the tray back down. That's twice now that he let has let me go without hurting me. To me, it felt like progress.
"Goodnight, Loki." I turned my back to him and trudged back to my room. My heart kept getting heavier the farther away I got from him. I wanted to break the glass and feel him against me. I wanted to know how to felt to be held by him and to dance with him. This is driving me insane. I plopped into bed and tried my best to stop listening to his heartbeat.
Loki stood in his cell trying to steady his own hammering heart. A perfect opportunity and he let it slip away from him! What made him so soft! No, what made her so special? Everyday he let that woman live was a stain on his honor, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. The idea of watching her in pain is maddening to him. But why? He wasn't sure. But one thing he was sure of was that she was a problem. It was how best to deal with it that kept him up at night.