Siren Song

Healing

     I stayed in my room for the next two nights. I thought I was doing a pretty good job. I was focusing on my training, eating a scheduled three meals a day, and I didn't talk to Loki the whole time. I wanted to make my teammates proud, but my heart wasn't in anything. I wanted to be with Loki so bad it hurt. I was constantly distracted and irritated. I lay in my bed for the third night in a row and listened to the house fall asleep.
     I wanted to punch my own chest and make my heart stop aching. I held my own throat as tight as I possibly could without strangling myself. It's just a stupid little crush. It'll go away. I wanted to believe that. It should've gone away when I left the Avengers in New York. I had plenty of time to get over it then, but I didn't. All the while I was running and killing, Loki was constantly on my mind. I sat up and felt my heart tug me to the door. He was just in the other room.
     I trudged my way to the door handle and crept into the kitchen. I didn't bother trying to sneak up on him though. It seemed he had been waiting for me, but there was no trace of a smile.
     "Hi," I said softly. He didn't answer for a while, but the longer he looked at me the softer his expression became.
     "I've longed to see you," he confessed. He missed me!
     "I'm sorry, but I got scared when Clint walked in. I didn't want to get in trouble."
     "I fail to see what you did wrong."
     "I don't think they'd be too happy about me making the enemy a midnight snack." He smirked.
     "No, I don't suppose they would." I grabbed my neck as I checked behind me. I couldn't hear anyone moving, but I had to be more careful if I didn't want people sneaking up on me. How did I let myself get so distracted last time?
     "Why do you do that?" He asked quietly.
     "Do what?" I asked as I turned back to him.
     "Why do you grab your throat?"
     "Oh-" I tried to hide my blush, but it spread all over my face before I could calm down. "It's just a nervous habit, I suppose." He cocked his head slightly.
     "May I see?" I covered my neck defensively. I didn't mind all that much when we barely knew each other, but now I was afraid of being judged. I picked a good time to get stage fright.
     "It's pretty gross. Are you sure you wanna get up close and personal?"
     "I'm no stranger to scars. I doubt yours would disgust me," he assured. I tentatively took a step closer to the glass and lifted my chin. He took his time to examine it closely and gave me a small smile.
     "Would you like me to get rid of it for you?" My mind grasped desperately at the idea. Yes! Yes! Finally! But a part of me thought rationally about his offer.
     "How would you do that exactly?" He displayed his hands as if there was something more to them than meets the eye.
     "I'm a master of magic. Just say the word and it'll be done."
     "But how? What would you have to do?" I felt like he was dancing around the answer.
     "Open the slot and I'll heal your throat." I widened my eyes like I thought he was bat shit crazy. He was if he thought I was going to let him do that.
     "So I open the slot, you wrap your hands around my throat, and my scar disappears?" He nodded. I held my sides in mock laughter.
     "It sounds like you just want to snap my neck." He smiled wide flashing his perfect teeth.
     "Come now, I thought we were passed all that." His showy attitude made me even more suspicious because while I wasn't a good liar, he was.
     "I don't know. This sounds mad sus to me, chief." He sighed.
     "I wish you would stop picking up on slang from Stark. I don't understand a word of it." Part of me really wanted to walk away and just focus on training, but I knew I couldn't handle the pain of not talking to him. I really wanted to get rid of this scar. Every time I looked at it all I could see was a reminder of the facility. You would think that that would be my prime motivator for opening the slot, but it wasn't. For some reason I was really only interested in him touching me. I wanted to feel his hands around my throat and that scared the hell out of me.
     "If I end up dead in the next few days because of some freaky curse you put on me..." He raised his eyebrows, encouraging me to continue. I didn't.
     "When your scar is completely healed, you're going to have to put a little more trust in me from now on," he bargained. I drew up a chair and leveled my throat to the opening in his cell.
     "You know, if anyone were to walk in right now..." His chuckle made my skin crawl. And then my mind wandered to more... inappropriate things. Things that I had never thought about before. Things that I was completely disinterested in before I met him. His hands snaked their way to my throat before I had time to think about how dangerous this really was. I didn't know for a fact that he wouldn't hurt me. Everything that Thor had told me about being careful around Loki suddenly crossed my mind. He would be so hurt if he found out how quickly I disregarded all of his advice. But if I stepped away now, I would hurt Loki. I suppose if he does what he promised to do then I'll have to put more trust in him like he asked.
Our eyes met while his hands wrapped around my neck. His cool touch spread around my protruding scar as my heart threatened to beat out of my rib cage. A warmth spread from my neck all the way into my chest. It branched out and seemed to shock my very nerves. I didn't know if the warm feeling was his magic or an involuntary reaction my skin had to his touch. Either way, I didn't want it to stop. I felt my eyelids flutter closed and I couldn't stop myself from resting one of my hands on his.
After what seemed like only a second, he released my neck from his gentle grasp. Before he pulled his hands back inside the cell, he brushed a strand of my white hair away from my eyes. He looked at me with such an endearing gaze and warm smile that I pushed any suspicion of mal-intent from my mind. I couldn't keep pushing down this feeling anymore. I was in love with him.
"Loki..." I tried to say but he stopped me.
"Look at your reflection," he said. I looked at myself in the glass and, just as he had promised, my scar was gone. I brought my hand up to my neck and was met with perfectly smooth skin.
"It's gone," I said in a tone less voice. My lack of emotion must have worried him.
"Are you alright?" Honestly? I didn't know. I thought I would be happy to have it gone, but I felt nothing. I didn't answer him, but I craved his touch again enough to reach for his hand. It was so addictive. Having him touch me felt like my skin was on fire. I wanted to feel that fire everywhere, not just on my hands.
"I don't know how to thank you." He held my hand tighter.
"Your company is thanks enough," he insisted. Loki noticed my frustrated expression immediately.
"What troubles you, love?" His endearing pet name for me almost made me forget about the way I was feeling.
"I just feel so weird."
"Weird?" He echoed.
"I just keep expecting it to be there, but it's gone." I paused to decipher his expression. I hoped he didn't think I wasn't thankful. "I want to do something for you in return." His eyes flashed like he knew exactly what he wanted, but he was afraid to say it. The look made me nervous, like he wanted something sinister. I tried to push the thought out of my mind, but it wouldn't stop repeating itself. What if he wanted something to help him escape? What if he wanted the tesseract? Does he really care about me or is he playing me for a fool? Is Loki manipulating me? I admit, it wouldn't be hard. No, I have to start putting more trust in him. I promised. But maybe saving me and healing me were just his ways of getting me to trust him so he could manipulate me later.
"I would graciously accept another bowl of your ramen if you insist on giving me something in return," he decided. A bowl of ramen? That's what he wanted? But what was with that look?
"I will happily make you another bowl." I smiled warmly and slid my arm even further into his cell. His hands traveled the length of my arm leaving a scorching trail behind.
"Some other time though. I'm afraid I've kept you up long enough." I didn't even want to look at the clock for fear of how late it was. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay like this and have him touch me forever. My heart throbbed painfully as I pulled my hand away from him.
     "I'll come back tomorrow night," I promised. He smiled.
     "I'll be waiting." I closed the tray and dishearteningly made my way to my room.