Liberation [Disclosure sequel] h.s

03

Evelyn

I had never been to a funeral in my life.

I have had distant relatives who died throughout my life but they were distant, so it was never required of me to attend one or even feel sorry for their loss. In a way, I had never faced death so closely like the one I am experiencing now.

Because of my mom's dementia, which got worst surprisingly fast for a woman her age, I knew I had to prepare myself for the day she would no longer be here. In a way, my mom has been gone for a very long time, I have gotten used to her absence. The last time she spoke to me I was when I was eighteen, at that time she already didn't know I was her daughter, but rather a stranger who showed by most days.

She is alive, but she doesn't talk or even recognize me, she spends more time on her bed than out of it. When the day comes, when she will leave this world, I will be very sad but also relieved because I know she isn't happy living the life she lives. We should all be granted a life without pain, a pleasurable life for the longest time possible. My mom was in her late forties, with nearly no life inside her. So, when the time comes, even if it won't make it any less painful, I had years to prepare myself to that tragic event.

No one could prepare us for Claire's death.

So here we are, slowly getting dressed for her funeral just two days after she was brutally murdered.

Harry and I had gotten home from the hospital yesterday at lunch time. He was still under the heavy influence of sedatives because even if he didn't want to, when he got home and sat down for a few minutes, he fell instantly asleep on the sofa. I thought he would wake up a few hours after, but he ended up sleeping during the rest of the day as well as most of the night.

 The first thing I did as soon as I got home, was take off the blood-stained clothes and take a shower, still seeing remains of blood in my skin. I rubbed my skin, scrubbing until it started to hurt, just to make sure there was no trace of blood in me.

Part of me was relieved he spent all that time sleeping, it meant he could simply forget about all the pain for as long as he remained asleep. Me, on the other hand, had to face my nightmares when I was awake but also on the short naps I was able to take. I slept mostly due to exhaustion, my body was at a point I could no longer keep my eyes open, but I refused to go to bed alone. Harry was occupying the big sofa, so I took the one seat armchair next to him by the window, and spent most of the time watching him sleep even if my back hurt like hell and my legs were already numb from this small seat.

The house was quiet, the quietest it has ever been. Everywhere I looked I could see traces of Claire and Collin. Through the window which connects to the kitchen, I could still see two dirty mugs, one belongs to me, the other to Claire, probably she drank a cup of tea before leaving to meet up with Howard. There was also Collin's video game boxes laying around the floor which no one bothered to tidy not knowing he wouldn't come home to do it.

So many memories.

It was right here I met Claire for the first time, she was as gentle as ever and made me feel like home. Little did I know this would indeed become my home, maybe for the worst reasons but I can count through my fingers the number of times I slept in my apartment over the last months. It was there mainly as a safety net for me, I promised myself I would never depend on a man, because what exists today, might not exist tomorrow.

When Harry woke up earlier this morning, I was awake looking through the window. It must have been a little after five in the morning. He cursed as soon as he woke up, asking me what time it was.