Liberation [Disclosure sequel] h.s

09

Evelyn

After what should be the most restorative sleep in my life, I wake up as if I had been run by a bus multiple times during my sleep. My head feels it will explode at any second now and I still haven't even opened my eyes to face this new day. For those brief seconds after waking up I always have the illusion everything is alright, only to be run over by reality soon after.

For the first time in many months, I don't wake up in Harry's narrow bed back in London, instead, I am waking up in a cheap motel somewhere outside of Boston not knowing what is going to happen today, or even in the next days or weeks.

Even with my eyes closed, I could sense there was clarity in the room, so I'm guessing Harry opened the curtains because I remember them being closed last night when we went to bed. Gently, I move my leg to the left side seeing it is empty, which means Harry is no longer next to me as I expected. The coldness of the sheets informs me he must have left a while ago, as there are no remains of the warmth of his body.

Then, I hear some noise inside the room, which sounds like someone is searching for something inside a suitcase. Even if I don't want to open my eyes and face reality, I knew I couldn't remain hidden under the covers forever. So slowly, I open my eyes, blinking a couple of times to get adjusted to the bright sunlight coming from the window. I'm guessing Harry didn't want to wake me up but we probably have to get going soon, so opening the curtains was the way to ensure I would wake up naturally not needing his intervention.

As I had expected, I see Harry at the end of the double bed searching for something inside his bag, not the one he brought from England, but the one Jay's contact gave him yesterday at the airport. He must have noticed some change in my movements or breathing because in the next instant he turns around facing me. I don't know how many hours he slept, I don't even know what time it is but considering the deep dark circles he has under his eyes, I'm guessing his time spent sleeping was short.

"Did I wake you up?" He asks as I am still adjusting to reality. Harry doesn't wait for my answer before continuing. "I needed light and the power went off during the night, so I opened the curtains." He explains as I nod, rubbing my eyes having flashbacks of our conversation with him last night. 

Hearing him saying he would rather leave me behind, hearing him saying that this will be how things are going to be between us from now on was like a knife to my chest.

He is in pain, he is grieving and I completely understand that. He has been through so much, he lost everyone he loved, well, everyone but me but that doesn't seem to matter for him. The last thing I want is to make this about myself, it is the last thing that matters right now, especially when Collin is missing. But it is something I just want to shout at his face, that this isn't only hard for him. He lost his mother and even if I can't compare the pain we are experiencing, Claire was like a mother to me in the short time I got to know her. I love Collin like a little brother, I would do anything for that precious boy.

I left my mom behind not sure if I would ever see her again, I left all my hopes and dreams. Everything I worked hard for is gone now. I'm not overly attached to the life I left behind, but knowing I might never have the opportunity to go back hurts like hell. And I'm not even mentioning how uncertain the future is for us, not only as a couple but as citizens.

I gave up on everything for him, yet I would do it all again because that is what you do when you love someone. I know I will be a burden for him, this is not even close to what I am used to do, maybe I'm not even aware of the dangers but I'm determined to find Collin.

I'm just afraid I will end up losing Harry or myself along the way.

"Eve?" Harry brings me back to reality after I fail to answer him as I was lost in my own thoughts. He seems in a better mood than yesterday, as he said he will have good and bad days. Hopefully, today will be a better day because after the hell of a day we had yesterday I need a good one to make me forget about how miserable I am feeling.