The pain of Turnabouts ~ An Ace Attorney Fanfiction

Chapter 3~ The handkerchief

As the work day went by, Phoenix couldn't get Miles out of his head. How was he? What had he done in those years? Did he still smell like peaches, like when they were children? He had grown so well, his sulking made him gloomy but he was definitely handsome, thin as a reed and yet strong and dignified. Before he could stop, he daydreamed about him: it hadn't happened for a long time to fantasize about someone like that.
When he overturned a nice pile of books he told himself that he really shouldn't start fantasizing about Miles Edgeworth. Also because Miles had heavily rejected any attempt to approach him.

~~~

-Miles, do you ever think ... what would you like to do? - Franziska asked.
-What do you mean? - he asked, as he plucked a salad. They both never ate much.
-If you could choose what to become ... would you still want to be a prosecutor, as our father dictates? -
-We have no choice, what's the point of talking about it? -
She looked hurt.
-You know, he ... he wants the best for us. He is bad but ...- she didn't know what to add, or how to defend him.
-Don't even try to defend him. It's impossible, Ziska-
-But...-
-Don't try. He is not my father. At least with you, I won't pretend love that I don't feel-
She changed the subject.
-So ... do you know that Phoenix? -
- He's not my friend- he explained. -Once he was ... he was one of my best friends ... in my life before ... he belongs to the past. I already have Enough problems without him making another one, thank you very much- he said. And in the meantime she thought back to that helpful smile of hers, and how tall and handsome he had grown, and his kind air. But he belonged to another time, the moment when he was happy with him.

~~~~

Phoenix returned home despondent. The day had been long and had tested him. He had to cook and study for the following day. Except he found her mother huddled in a corner of the living room trying to cover her swollen face.
-Mom! -He ran to meet her, worried
-Don't ... don't worry honey, now it's over- she tried to calm him down.
-You let him in without me being at home! You shouldn't have, mum! -
-Don't say it ... if you had been here he would have beaten you too ...- and she gave him a caress.

It wasn't until late at night that he allowed herself to think about Miles. After the shower, after doing his homework, lying on the bed with one arm over his eyes, he let his mind bring back the beautiful memory of him.
In his room he had decided that he shouldn't pretend. There was no one to judge him and he could see how many times he wanted, in his memory of him this figure that filled him with a yearning to which he could not give a name.
How should he deal with him ...?
"Blue looks good on you," Miles had told him. What a beautiful voice, it would have been even more nice if he had stroked the letters of his name more often. It had only been a day and already wanted him by his side.
"Why can't everything be as it was before?"
He patted his cheeks, berating himself. Miles didn't want to have anything to do with him. And he had enough trouble to think about!

~~~~

Miles, alone in his room, looked at the red keychain he had never thrown away. Why had he kept it? He was a sentimental fool. But Phoenix had been his best friend.
There was no point in not allowing herself to be his friend. Yet why did he persist in wanting to keep him out of his life?
Because he didn't want to think about the past. Because he didn't want to suffer.
But he was already sick. That dull pain would never go away. So? What was he afraid of?
He put the key ring in his jeans pocket and undressed to go to sleep. Sometimes he felt almost happy: he had a home, he had Ziska's annoying but comforting company. He wasn't alone. But he had always missed his friends. And he felt absurd shame because if he had gone away like this ... he remembered the last time he had seen Phoenix, when he was retrieving the keychain, when he had seen him cry. How could he not feel uncomfortable remembering that moment?