The Gatekeeper

Part III Love Child Chapter 10

10

“HELLO ERIK, IT’S SO good to hear your voice again. Things are not going well here. I can't stay and get the help I need. I'm afraid of what my parents might do because I've been pressuring them to admit what happened to me as a child."

I never expected Lauren to ever become part of my life again. Despite what we’d been through, hearing her voice only brought back the good times and how much I cared about her. I was ready to jump into the ring again, no matter what lay ahead.

"That doesn’t sound good . . . you know you have my support for any decision regarding your recovery."

"Thank you so much, Erik. If you really feel that way I would like to come back and stay with you. I'll be in touch when I know more. Can't wait to see you! Goodbye sweetie."

I was delighted with the prospect of the return of my soul mate and potential lover. I was ever hopeful about her condition and felt confident that with proper care and therapy Lauren would soon become the vivacious, stimulating, extraordinary, productive woman with a promising future that I was pursuing when we first met.

THIS KIND OF RELASIONSHIP represented a powerful hook for me. I’d always been drawn to women in crisis--beautiful young women in distress, in need of rescuing. 

What in my past predisposed me to be vulnerable to such obviously codependent relationships. The imbalance was often obvious and yet I’ve never been able to turn away from such a woman who came to me for assistance. 

It didn’t seem to matter that the unhealthy bond was destined to break in time. That expectation may have been part of the formula explaining why I went there time after time.

From past experience I knew there would be trying times ahead but I wasn't concerned. Rather, I was exhilarated with the prospect of being in a position to align my life once again so intimately with Lauren's. I realized that we probably would not soon be lovers, if ever, and yet that wasn't where my head was at. 

I loved her company. I loved being with her. She made me feel so alive, so vital, so energetic, so sexual. I responded to her like a powerful drug. She took me to new heights of feeling and fulfillment.

 I'd been living alone for years. With a few months to prepare, I began to slowly transform my bachelor pad into a home fit for the presence of a woman. First I designed some new closets, then, personally picked out the most beautifully grained and naturally colored pieces of rough-cut cedar, and with the loving craftsmanship of an artist painting on a canvas, fashioned a garment storage space with Lauren in mind. 

I imagined her being there, placing personal items on the shelves, hanging clothes, rearranging shoes. The floor needed work as well.

Black was her favorite color so I chose charcoal for the carpet and pictured her walking on the stunning fibers in an alluring outfit. It proved to be a painstaking task as six-foot sections needed to be seamed and fitted flush to the edges of an uneven floor. I was driven to complete the remodeling labor of love to a level of perfection that mirrored the perfect reflection I saw whenever beholding her charm and beauty. 

Sleeping arrangements had to be considered.

Under the circumstances, I certainly couldn't assume that she would be sleeping with me especially since Lauren was estranged from a husband that still held her emotionally hostage. Her unstable condition made it imperative that she felt free from any sexual pressure while working on restoring her health.