The Gatekeeper

Part III Love Child Chapter 12

12

WHILE HER PASSIONATE affair with Kurt was all but over, and desperate not to have to return to Vancouver, she instinctively became determined to reassemble the shards of her shattered life and reestablish some independence. 

I loved having her with me, yet I could not help but understand and respect her decision. I was well aware that if my goal for a personal relationship with Lauren was to be realized, I would first have to help her reclaim her personal integrity, regain her health, become self-reliant and professionally productive again. With such a revitalized version of Lauren, I might have a chance to establish a whole, healthy, balanced bond.

I realized that there was a nasty aspect of codependency in our present relationship. How else was a man of my middle-aged years going to find himself involved with a beautiful young creature like Lauren without an initial conditions of something-needed, something-offered, something-accepted, something-given. 

Such relationships can be intense in the beginning but inevitably lack staying power. The imbalances that exist inevitably create friction. There is always the temptation for the one in control, the one holding the power, to manipulate the other.

Supplying her needs supplied me with a sense of security. In many ways, however, she was like a wounded sparrow one might find clinging to life, pick up, and nurture back to health. Once thriving, you could keep the prise in a cage or risk letting the wild thing leave and hope that your loving treatment would induce it to return of its own free will. 

That was the dream that kept my heart’s love for Lauren beating strong during the turmoil that was to follow—that one day she would turn to me as my equal and want to be with me. Secure, for the moment, in my plan for our future, Lauren pressed for a change. 

"I know you think it might be too soon, but I really need to get back to work," a stubborn Lauren insisted.

"All right, that sounds good, what did you have in mind," I responded, trying to sound as supportive as possible under the difficult circumstances.

"You realize that without a green card my options are limited. I was thinking about going back to dancing. What do you think?"

"If you feel you're ready to give it a try, I'll do what I can to help you."

"Thank you . . . I need this right now. I need my own money—the feeling that I'm taking care of myself again, like I always have."

"I get that. What do you need to do first?"

DESPITE HER MEDS-RELATED weight gain Lauren got back in good enough shape to resume making money on a gentlemen’s club stage. She needed certain garments and accessories. With credit card in hand, off we went to a mall where such sassy stripper accoutrements were sold.

FOR YEARS I’D SWALLOWED whole the captivating carnal beauty of women dancing at a club or pole-bending on a gentlemen’s club stage. How I’d often fantasized about what it would be like to be the guy involved with such a sensual vixen. What delights, I imagined, awaited him. 

I had no idea of the cost of such indentured sexual servitude, for the man is often held captive by the chains of the woman's enslaving erotic allure. I would learn much more about this in the weeks and months to come. My education would begin during our shopping trip.

HOW PROUDLY I WALKED down the mall as if it were a church, displaying to the world that this was my chosen bride. How wonderful it made me feel to have an international supermodel on my arem, implying to the public that she chose to be with me and we were lovers.