SO BEAUTIFUL °sʜᴏᴡᴋɪ°

Heartache

When Kihyun opened his eyes, everything was white. Frightfully white and grainy; it made his head hurt. He didn't even try to figure out what was going on and just closed his eyes again, trying to let go of his headache. His head was spinning, which was not a pleasant feeling. It is as if the time around him has stopped; he could hear people moving around him and felt his heart slowing more and more. Kihyun  then felt gradually lighter and lighter, as if the pain was easing throughout his body. This feeling of neutrality, lightness, was very pleasant and he let himself be immersed in it. No matter where he was, he felt pretty good; he let himself be carried away by the subconsciousness once more as a few screams around him were heard. 

When Kihyun woke up again, it was in a displeasing state. His mouth was thick, dry, and the memories of the day before came back to him. He winced at the thought, wishing he could go back to sleep peacefully. Nevertheless, small noises reached the ears of the young man. He understood after a few seconds what it was: someone was crying next to him. What he did not understand, however, was: Why and who? He was not dead.

Kihyun struggled to open his eyes, the light blinding him somewhat. Hardly, numb, the young man turned his head and met Hyunwoo's gaze. His hyung was there, his eyes red and looking bad. The older one seemed mostly angry, something Kihyun wasn't used to see. It was scary, but also...Irritating. Why did he care, now? He didn't care when he was busy fucking that girl at the bar.

-What the fuck was that?!

Hyunwoo's voice was strong, he seemed so angry and worried at the same time. It made Kihyun feel so irritated, he wasn't in the mood to deal with his leader's shit. He wasn't his mom either. Yesterday, Shownu seemed very busy with the girl, like she mattered more than his own friend who tried to help him. 

-You're not my mom. Don't act as you care anyway, spitted Kihyun as he looked away. He was pissed off and didn't want to talk about it to anyone, especially Hyunwoo. He hated that, just wanted to be alone. He didn't want to feel. He closed his eyes tightly. Hyunwoo, him, felt also so angry to be treated like that. He felt like Kihyun was just taunting him, repeating what he said three days ago. He had spent the last few days in that damn hospital, staying by Kihyun's side and worrying like crazy. He had always been there for the youngest, always tried to talk to him when HE was the one that, in the past, ignored him. How could Kihyun dare say that Shownu didn't care?! 

-No, I'm not your mom! But I spent three days here for you, I think I can request a damn explanation!

At this moment, Kihyun looked at his friend. And did a bitter smile, then sighed looking away. He felt uneasy, sick. Being asleep or dead seemed so much better.

-You're just doing that for the job, quit the act. I know I behaved badly in public, blah blah, now fuck off and go fuck another woman.

Hyunwoo's mouth dropped wide open, eyebrows furrowing in confusion and anger. What? Was that what Kihyun thought of him? That he was some kind of fuckboy with no heart only worrying about his reputation and career?

It was like treason. 6 years, that's how long they have known each other for, and Kihyun still didn't know him. Had always seen him as some kind of an asshole. It hurted Hyunwoo greatly, to think that every time Kihyun acted nicely, it was all an act. Made him angry but especially...Sad. 

-That's what you think about me...Nice. Thank you. Then I guess I'll go if you think I'm some kind of selfish asshole.

Hearing the hurt in Hyunwoo's voice made Kihyun's heart ache greatly. He kept his eyes closed; he didn't want to see the latter's face as he knew it would probably hurt him even more. Indeed, some silent tears were running down his face. They were both hurt, both dumb. And Kihyun already regretted his words. Especially when he spoke the following words:

-Yeah, whatever. I don't care, just fuck off. 

Hyunwoo closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. It hurts. So fucking much. 

-Well, I guess next time I'll leave you there instead of coming to help. Good luck dealing with it alone.

Shownu left and Kihyun heard the door bang. As soon as his leader left, the younger man started sobbing. His heart was clenching tight, his body shaking. Everything was irritating him and especially the tubes in his arms. He tried to get them off, so violently that doctors were obligated to stop him. He was now kept still and all he could do was sob violently and try to forget the ache in his heart.

Meanwhile, Hyunwoo closed the door of the house behind him in a loud noise. Jooheon, in the kitchen, jumped in surprise. Same for Minhyuk and Hoseok, who felt their leader wasn't in a good mood. Yet, they were all worried for Kihyun.

-Can we…

-I think he prefers to be alone, was all the older said as he went to his room. His voice was firm, angry, yet they all felt it was somewhat broken. They couldn't do anything about it though; knowing it was better to leave Shownu alone in those times. 

As soon as said man entered his room, he let himself fall on his bed with a loud sigh. His eyes were closed shut, tears escaping him again. He felt dirty, broken. Like a part of his heart had been taken from him. Kihyun was the one holding that part of his heart, destroying it. Kihyun didn't care about him, wanted him gone. Like everyone; he loved a man that hated him and would hate him even more once he would know the truth.

At this moment, Hyunwoo wished the trainees would have killed him that day in the toilets.