Secret || Chanlix

Chapter eleven.

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"Changbin, help me carry... Jeongin... staff call... doctor... Jisung and... calm the crowd... Minho, find... too tight..."

The words were drifted in and out of my ears mindlessly. They sounded so far away, just jumbled syllables and letters I couldn't understand.

The heavy clunking of shoes on the shiny floor thundered in my ears and my heartbeat pulsed in my fingertips.

I could somewhat see a pair of shoes in front of me - two, three pairs, maybe? - but the world was spinning. Everything was spinning. Stygian splotches danced across my hazy vision. White beams stung my eyes, bright and hot and burning.

There was a dull aching in my chest and a weight snaking around my lungs like tree roots, getting tighter with each laboured breath I choked out. Both feelings were familiar, almost comforting in the chaos and confusion of the bouncing world in my twisting and twirling vision.

My head was bobbing limply as the lights passed by above me in short bursts of fluorescent brightness, and my body was lax in whoever's grip was holding the rest of me up. I felt so, so heavy - unable to hold even my head up. Fingers dug into my body.

Then, the lights stopped flashing past and the bouncing of my head stopped. Something soft and squishy caved in around me as my sprawled body sunk into it. The hands slithered away from my body.

"-me? Felix, talk to us. Can you hear me?"

Safe, my mind called in the direction of the voice, yearning for me to lift even just a finger towards it. Alas, even the bones and thin, clinging skin of my index finger felt detached from my mind and its commands.

"He's sweating, we need to get him out of these clothes."

Suddenly alert when I felt someone beginning to pull my shirt up, my body reacted before I could think about it.

I shot up with a yelp, flinging my arms out in defence as a loud thwack resonated in the room.

My head spun worse. An incessant throbbing rapped at my temples and behind my eyelids as splotches sparkled in my vision once more.

I could hardly hear the gasps chorusing around me as my shaking hands fumbled with my shirt, pulling it down to once more conceal the edges of purple bruises that had been exposed. Luckily, I don't think the shirt was pulled high enough to expose the bandages, but I could feel the swollen, almost plum coloured bruises on my rib cage screaming at me despite the bandage only covering my breasts because of how tight I wrapped them.

"I..." my rasp of a voice trailed off into a pathetic croak as another dizzy spell came over me. It felt like someone had a hand around my head and was squeezing as tight as they could. The pressure built up behind my eyelids and pulsed. I forced myself to stand up regardless, even as my legs wobbled in warning and threatened to collapse under the weight of my body. Silently, someone helped me brace myself against the arm of the couch. Even just standing up made my painful, choppy breaths become shorter and more uneven. Nodding in thanks in their general direction, I cleared my throat with a small cough and gratefully took the water bottle Hyunjin silently handed me. Once my throat felt less dry, I spoke up once more. "I'm fine guys, don't worry. Probably just didn't eat enough earlier."

I could see the frowns painted on my friends faces, the horrified eyes of the staff and the worried glances between them all. It made me feel small - weak. They were judging me, scrutinising me. Suddenly, I felt all too aware of how my shirt clung to my body, especially since I was covered in a layer of sweat. My left arm crawled up to scratch at my right shoulder and stayed there; a habit I had picked up when I was younger and wanted to hide my chest as much as possible.

"Honestly," I said again, trying to calm my laboured breathing, "I'm okay. Sorry for making such a scene. I can do a vlive later and explain if I need to, or we can just go back on stage now and-"

"Felix."

My tired eyes drifted to our manager, who was watching me with a calculating gaze. I might have almost called it concerned if I didn't refuse to believe anyone could be concerned for someone like me. "You're not going back on stage tonight."

"Hyung, I-"

"No. You're going to go see a doctor and explain to us why your ribs look like Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night painting. Then, and only then, will we discuss your participation in next week's show back in Korea." His voice was stern and left no room for arguments, but I tried anyways.

"I'm fine-!"

A strong hand clamped onto my shoulder. My thoughts stuttered as Chan spoke. "Please, Felix."

I wanted to argue, but the way he was looking at me - the dejected, downcast glint in his eyes - made the words die on my tongue. They left a bitter, acidic taste in my lips.

Eventually, I dropped my head down and mumbled, "I'm sorry..."

He just sighed and let his hand fall, leaving my shoulders feeling unbalanced and lopsided.

Silence stretched around us for only a few minutes before our manager spoke up again. "While the other members finish the performance as normal, one of the staff or I will take you to a doctor."

At the mention of the word doctor, my heart leapt into my throat.

I spun around to face Chan with panicked eyes, already feeling my hands start to tremble as I balled them into fists. A guilty aura sounded him, but he said nothing. My gaze flitted past each member until I reached our manager's stern gaze again.

Realising the scene I was probably making, I tried to play it off. "I-I told you I'm fine. I'll just eat something and rest a bit, then I'll b-be-" I struggled to get the words out. My breathing was speeding up rapidly and my lungs felt like they were contracting further under the impossibly tight pressure of the bandage, "I'll be okay. I don't- I don't need to see a doctor."

"Felix, calm d-" Seungmin stepped forward with a hand outstretched - like he was trying to approach a wounded animal.

"Don't tell me to 'calm down'!" I snapped, immediately regretting it when I saw how his hand dropped to his side and he looked down in hurt. "Fuck, Minnie-"

Chan's hand reached my shoulder again, holding me in place with a firm grip and instantly making me shut up. "I will take Felix to a local doctor during the rest of the concert and we'll meet you guys back at the hotel when we're done. The fans have been waiting for twenty minutes, so just give them an excuse and continue as normally as you can. Jisung can take my parts and Changbin can take Felix's. If you're not comfortable doing a part or think another would be better suited to it, give them a signal. Sound good?"

No one dared to object, not even our manager, so Chan clapped his hands and turned to me. "Get changed to something looser and easier to breathe in. Try to make it subtle so that no one recognises us." His voice was softer than it had been a moment ago, but still strict enough for me to obey without a second thought.

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A/N Sorry for updating later than I usually do, I've been ✨ stressed ✨ lol.

What do you guys think of the book so far? Theories, queries, whatcha got? Anything I can improve on? Idk