Secret || Chanlix

Chapter thirteen.

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Once Chan stepped outside, I let out a pained breath and shakily stood up. "U-uhm, sir... I'm, uh, t-transgender..." my voice was a whisper as anxiety clutched at my throat, my eyes staying trained on the ground.

I had the tiniest inkling of hope in my chest that he might just say 'cool' and not care, but why would things ever go my way?

It was obvious he became uncomfortable when I said the words; his shoulders tensed and the kind smile on his face disappeared. He coughed a little and took off his glasses to rub the lenses on his shirt, shifting in his place. "Thank you for letting me know..." he trailed off with an awkward shuffle, putting down the pen in his pudgy hands and looking down, "I think one of my colleagues would be better suited to treating you."

I felt my chest clench, but managed to force a polite smile. "Alright."

"I'll, uhm, go get someone." He stood quickly, trying not to look as if he desperately wanted to leave, but it was obvious. I looked down as tears gathered in my eyes.

There was soft chatter outside the door, the sound of Chan's calm voice, before I heard hasty footsteps scamper down the hallway.

Chan came into the room a second later, looking confused but irked. "How can a doctor refuse a patient like that? He studied for however many years, but still tells me he can't help you? What kind of attitude is that? He didn't even mention why!"

When he noticed my teary eyes and wobbling upper lip, he quickly shut up and rushed to my side. He wrapped me up in a comforting embrace, quietly shushing me despite my silence.

Before he could say anything, a man walked in.

He was tall and slim, facial features defined, sharp and elegant. Gold jewellery dangled from his ears, standing out because of the contrast between it and his brown, greying hair. His nose was crooked and looked to have been broken in the past, but his eyes were bright and intelligent. "Hello, I'm Dr. Kingsford." When he spoke, a slight accent shined through, but it was distorted - probably from picking up other accents or living away from its origin for too long.

"I'm Chris, and this is Felix." Chan straightened up and offered the man a hand. I wiped my face as the doctor took his hand in a firm grip.

"I'm sorry about Hughes, he's good at what he does, but his opinions can get in the way of his work in certain situations." The tall, gangling man sat down at the desk and spun the chair to face us. "What's the issue?"

Chan glanced at me, but I shied away from his gaze. With a soft sigh, he explained our career to the doctor, me passing out, and briefly mentioned the bruising on my ribs. By the time he was done, I had calmed myself down to a reasonable state of mind.

"I'm going to have to examine Felix's ribs and ask some personal questions, would you mind waiting outside for just a moment?" Dr. Kingsford stood to get a stethoscope and some other equipment from the cupboards in the room, not paying much attention as Chan nodded, gave my hand a final squeeze, and walked into the hallway. The door clicked quietly behind him.

The doctor didn't waste time in turning around and gesturing for me to sit on the examination bed thingy. "Alright Felix, have you had any sex-altering surgeries?"

I shook my head. The bed was uncomfortable and hard, but not anymore so than the chair I had been sitting in previously.

"Are you comfortable taking your jumper off? Enough for me to see this bruising, at least?"

Nodding, I cautiously began to tug the back of my hoodie up. The front remained where it was, although a little of my pale stomach and ribs showed. I felt the familiar creeping sensation of dysphoria crawling up my body, like bugs inside my skin, filling me to the brim with a detestation for my body worse than any bruises I had.

"Christ," the man's eyes were wide with surprise as the black and blue artwork of bruises on my back became visible, "how the hell did this happen?"

"I-I bind..." When he raised an eyebrow at my statement, I continued, "with ace bandages... whilst exercising... and sleeping..." my voice grew softer and softer with every word I said, shame swirling in my stomach like nausea.

"How long have you been doing this for?" He stood and, after glancing at me for consent, began gently poking and prodding at my thin back. I flinched and let out small sounds of pain every time he pressed somewhere sensitive, but tried to stay as still as possible.

"About a year... or more."

"Do you have difficulty breathing?" A cold stethoscope was pressed against my knobbly spine. I nodded.

"Fatigue?"

I gave him another stiff nod.

"Have you noticed a blue-ish colour to your skin, not counting the bruises?"

Hesitating slightly, I shrugged. It wasn't really something I paid that much attention to.

Dr. Kingsford asked a bunch more questions like that, eventually stepping back and allowing me to pull my hoodie back down.

"I'm almost positive you have a pneumothorax, which is a collapsed lung." At my confused expression, he continued. "Because of how you've been binding, you broke a rib. The jagged edges of said rib then punctured your lung. I'm going to have to put a tube in your pleural to drain the air from it. You're going to need at least 2-3 weeks recovery time, I would usually say much longer, but I realise that your profession likely won't allow it."

I spluttered unintelligibly at the newfound information, hardly registering the abundance of information that had been spewed at me so quickly. Dr. Kingsford had already walked to the door and opened it for Chan - who had been waiting patiently in the hallway - by the time I finally came back to the present.

Once Chan was inside, Dr. Kingsford briefly explained the diagnosis, leaving out anything relating to my gender or how I had broken a rib in the first place. Chan listened attentively, nodding along as he propped his elbows on his knees and leaned forward.

"God," Once the doctor was done, Chan ran a stressed hand through his fried, blonde hair. "Lix, you must have been in pain. Why didn't you say anything?"

I shrugged, ashamed of being the reason behind his frown. "Sorry, hyung.."

"It's alright, Lix," he put a hand around my shoulders, letting me rest my head on his bicep. "I'll have to talk to our manager to see how much longer we can extend the trip for. We have a concert back in Korea in three weeks, but I'm sure my family can let us two stay with them for a while, if not the rest of the boys too."

Dr. Kingsford spoke up again. "We can drain the air in two days if needed and, as long as everything goes smoothly, you can both fly to Korea within the week. We'd only have to keep Felix in the hospital for a day or so."

I felt a weight lift off my shoulders at that, regardless of the rest of the horrible news. Chan's tense body relaxed a little as well. "Thank you so much, Dr. Kingsford. We appreciate it so much."

Dr. Kingsford and Chan continued talking about the legal shit I didn't care about for a while longer, but my eyes were drooping closed too fast for me to bother listening. Too much had happened in such a short amount of time, and the exhaustion from it all was finally catching up to me.

There was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, an obscure tugging in my mind that hinted at something sinister in the future, but I didn't have it in myself to worry about it.

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A/N I really hate the last few chapters tbh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it's fine tho

Sorry if updates get a little slow, apparently I'm behind in all my classes and have no motivation to do anything lmao. Yee haw :]