it was always you - clexa au

s i x t y s i x

Helloooo, this is a long part and smut ensues!

My best friend Chelsea ( @ clexaau2020 on insta wrote the smut for me while I wrote her next part, so enjoy)

"He just needs some time," Clarke murmured, breaking the silence, not sure if she was reassuring Lexa or convincing herself.

"No Clarke, he needs his mother. He needs me to be gone and out of his life." Lexa gulped guiltily, her attempts at blinking back her tears, failing miserably. Clarke shook her head, refusing to look at Lexa as she slowly made her way to the bedroom. She slowly sat on the soft furs, wanting nothing more than to just cuddle close to the brunette forever, with no worries or responsibilities to attend too. But deep down she knew that wasn't her reality, and she knew she'd been too blissfully happy for too long.

"I don't want you to go," Clarke muttered, a heavy feeling settling at the pit of her stomach. The last time she'd lost Lexa, it had broken her so much that she never thought she'd recover. Bellamy was the one who had helped her pick up the pieces that had been shattered, Dominic was the one who had brought her so much light in her darkest hours, and Lexa was the one who made her feel everything that was real. And now, not only had she lost Bellamy, but she was about to lose Lexa again, and she had already started to lose her son.

"I don't want to go either..." Lexa let out a heavy breath before sitting softly next to Clarke on the bed. "But I have too, that boy comes first." Clarke knew Lexa was right, and she hated it. She wanted both, she needed both; her son and the love of her life. But under the circumstances, she couldn't have that, and Dominic came first, he always did.

Lexa moved her hand gently until it settled atop Clarke's, squeezing it ever so slightly, in an attempt to make sure she knew that whatever happened, she wasn't alone. "You'll always have me. This isn't goodbye forever Clarke, just for now." Another silent tear trickled slowly down Lexa's face. She hated that she had to leave Clarke again. It stung her more than anything else in the world. But she had to do this. She had to do this for Clarke, and for Dominic, and for herself. Though she knew Clarke didn't blame her, the guilt still weigh heavy on her sunken heart. "I love you," Clarke murmured, turning her face so her eyes could meet with Lexa's. "I'll always be with you," the brunette replied, her hand slowly making it's way up to stroke Clarke's soft cheek, using the pad of her thumb to wipe away a tear.

Clarke leaned her head forward, resting it on Lexas as she brought her hand up to the side of Lexa's neck. Her whole body was trembling with agony and love. The father of her son is gone and the love of her life is leaving her so she can focus solely on her son. They both put her and Dom first. As much as she loved it she hated it because now she was left without either of them. For now, for one last night, she still had Lexa.

The hot breath of Lexas fell onto her bottom lip, shooting fire across her skin. Her hand slid to the back of Lexa's neck, pulling her closer so her trembling lips brushed against Lexas. The soft, gentle contact of their lips took away her ability to breathe, her ability to move. She felt Lexas hand press against her cheek as she tilted her head before gently colliding her lips with Clarkes. Fire danced from her lips down to her core, breathing new life into her. Theirs lips crashed against one another desperately trying to pour all their emotions into one another.

After a moment Clarke pulled back ever so slightly to catch her breath. The loss of contact was worse than the struggle for air. She stood slightly, throwing one leg over Lexa so she could straddle her on the edge of the bed. She took Lexas face in her hands as she stared down at those glossy green orbs looking back at her. They were full of love and lust, desire and need, every feeling already rushing through Clarke's bloodstream. Her eyes scanned Lexas face, capturing every detail. The teardrop that hung onto her bottom lash, threatening to fall down the path of her previous tears. The little loose hairs that stuck out around her ears. The little wrinkle between her eyebrows. Her plump parted lips, which Clarke couldn't wait another second to kiss. She lowered her lips, locking her bottom lip between Lexas parted ones. They slowly danced together, taking in every movement, scared if they moved to fast their final night together would pass by too quickly.
Lexas hand ran up Clarke's thigh while the other found her lower back, pulling her body closer to her. She needed to feel more of Lexa, she needed to feel all of Lexa. Her fingers worked against Lexa's buttons, undoing them one by one until she had full access to her skin underneath her shirt. She ran her fingertips across Lexas abdomen, then ran them up to her shoulders. She slowly peeled the shirt off of her by dropping it off her shoulders and letting it fall to the bed behind her.