it was always you - clexa au

s e v e n t y f i v e

The hospital had never been one of Lexa's favourite places, but that could be said for many people.

She hated it. Despite knowing that it was supposed to be a place of healing, Lexa's only vivid memory of it was one that connoted death.

The bright lights and the piercing sounds were enough to overload anyone's mind, especially one that was so sleep deprived and concerned.

She didn't know how long they'd been sitting there, in the waiting room. The room was almost desolate, bar a sparse few other nervous family members of other patients.

But even with just the soft sound of other peoples sniffles in her ear, and the distant noise of alarms and buzzing, Lexa's temper was close to snapping.

The brunette wouldn't call herself an impatient person. In fact she'd say that she had built up vast amounts of self restraint over her life, which was one of the few reasons she was still holding herself back from snapping at one of the doctors.

However, she did feel as if she was going to break at any moment. The feeling of uncertainty pitted at the bottom of her stomach as she questioned whether she'd break down or fully explode. She wished for neither, grasping onto every possible thread that she'd be able to hold it in, just until she was home.

But from the way things were going, she wasn't sure if she'd ever get home. Let alone get home with Clarke alive and well.

Whether they'd been sitting in the pale whitewashed waiting room for a matter of minutes or a handful of hours, Lexa couldn't tell. But by the fact that Dominic had managed to cry himself to sleep, his head fully of messy hair in her lap, not too long ago. Lexa would've guessed they'd been here at least a couple of hours.

Anya and Raven sat opposite her, stealing quick worried glances at her every so often, attempting to not look suspicious. Their whispering from the first hour had been unnerving, but to Lexa's relief, it had died down quite quickly after she'd shot a scowl and raised eyebrow in their direction.

The feelings swelling inside her enclosing chest were not foreign, though they weren't ones she'd had to nurse often. The feelings were that of heartbreak and fear.

But the one thing she felt primarily to every other emotion coursing through her body, was a sense of being lost.

This life had been unfair to her. It had been truly unjust. One thing after another kept going wrong, everything she'd ever built tumbling down one by one, like a row of dominos.

Lexa let out a long, deep breath, sliding one hand into her jacket pocket, hoping to find something to fiddle with to calm her nerves, as the other hand ran smoothly through Dominic's wild hair.

Her eyes shut tightly as her hand made contact with something in her pocket. She let out another exasperated sigh, this time the word 'fuck' mumbled with it.

Shakily, she allowed her fingers to keep exploring the sharp corners of the object in her pocket.

A square box.

A simple square box.

A simple square box which encased something not so simple, yet simple all the same.

What it held was simply a symbol. A symbol of love, of trust, of promises.

What it held was the engagement ring that she had custom made to make sure it was perfect for Clarke. The engagement ring that she had never had the chance to show Clarke.

Lexa's eyes remained shut as her thumb stroked over the soft velvet box, a single silent tear falling from her eye, cascading down her flushed cheeks.

Memories flashed across the front of her mind, all the good and all the bad.

It was as if she was feeling every single feeling she'd ever had with Clarke. All the pain in leaving her, and hurting her and breaking the promises she had made. And all the love and happiness, the cherished moments, the first experiences and the last. It was all washing over her at once, flooding her body, drowning it with every feeling she'd once suppressed and with every feeling she'd let herself feel.

And for one split second, Lexa wondered if this is what it felt like at the moment of death. In the moment before your body dies and your soul flutters away else where, when everything flashes before your eyes.

But then she realised that it was just the unruly pain of the chance of losing the one person you love above everyone else in the entire world.

"Lexa?"

Aden's voice rung through her ears, allowing her thoughts to stop all together for a split second. The brunette squeezed her eyes a little tighter before letting them flutter open hesitantly.

Her swollen eyes were instantly met with the sympathetic smile of her younger brother, standing in front of her, Anya by his side.

Wordlessly, Anya stepped forwards, gently scooping Dominic into her arms, making sure not to wake the young child. Lexa stood quickly, placing a soft kiss on his forehead before turning to her brother.

Before she could say a word, she felt herself falling into his outstretched arms, allowing him to catch her. Allowing herself to finally break.

His arms wrapped tightly around her, his head buried in her neck, seeking the closeness that Lexa feared. But she allowed it, she always allowed it with Aden.

He was the only one, other than Clarke, that could remotely begin to understand the depth of love she emitted for the blonde.

He was there the day she left the letter under the rock on Clarke's porch. He was there as they pulled away from her house, in the car in the middle of the pouring rain. He was there as Lexa took her final look at Clarke's house before breaking down into a fit of tears.

He was there the day they left. And he was the one that had been there for her every day after, everyday since.

A/n

Sorry it's been so long and sorry this is kinda uneventful, but we have to have some fillers to bulk it out a little so yeahhhh. Enjoy?

Alsooooo idk if it's just my messages on wattpad but I've had notifications for people sending me messages but they don't show up when I go to messages on here! So please if you want to message me then message me on

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Thank you for reading! I love y'all 💕