Infuriating New Girl

Chapter 19 - Little Boxes

Over the weekend, after Kara found out the devastating news that Lena only sees her as a 'good fuck', Kara just cried and cried and cried. Kara cried to the point where she didn't think she was capable of crying anymore, and then she cried some more. All the while she was doing this she just locked herself in her bedroom, only leaving when she was momentarily able to get herself together to eat some food. When Winn and James asked Kara if she was okay through her bedroom door Kara just lied and said she was unwell and wanted to be left alone. Winn and James respected Kara's wishes, although Kara is sure that they must have heard her crying. Kara continued to cry until Sunday evening. She knew what the next day would bring. It would bring her first encounter with Lena since her emotional turmoil erupted.

Presently Kara is sitting on her bed, having just finished eating her dinner. She has left 3 different plates on her desk in her room which she has collected over the last few days. Kara is trying desperately to stop herself from crying. She doesn't want to cry in front of anyone tomorrow when she has to go to university, especially Lena. Kara knows that if she cries in front of Lena it would make everything even worse. Lena would probably distance herself from Kara as it would be clear to her that Kara really isn't okay. Kara doesn't want that. As much as it hurts that Lena just sees her as a 'good fuck', Kara still wants Lena in her life. As much as it may kill Kara going forward, Kara cherishes her friendship with Lena far too much to end it now. Ending their friendship may be the final nail in Kara's coffin.

Kara begins to breath in and out, trying to stop herself crying. She is just so fed up of crying. She's fed up of having all these emotions. The only thing emotions have ever done for her is hurt her. First with her parents dying in a fire, then with the horrible things Alex said and did a few months ago, and now with Lena. Emotions just suck. Kara doesn't want them anymore. In fact Kara is so desperate that between her tears she Google's 'ways to stop emotions'. Kara clicks on a few pages and reads through them. Eventually she finds one page which she likes the look and sound of. The page mentions that to contain your emotions you could imagine little boxes in your mind. Then once you have those boxes you put all your emotions into them. You then put those boxes in more boxes and more boxes after that, until your emotions are tightly contained within several boxes.

Kara takes a deep breath and closes her eyes and then attempts the idea. She imagines putting all her emotions in regards to Lena in a box. Then she imagines putting all her other 'stupid' emotions in a few other boxes. She then imagines those boxes being contained in other boxes, and then those other boxes being contained in other boxes again. Kara imagines so many boxes that eventually her emotions are buried deep within over 20 boxes. Kara opens her eyes and breaths out. She feels better, much better. She doesn't feel happy or anything like that, but she doesn't feel sad either. She just feels nothing, which is fine by Kara.

Kara takes a few more moments as she sits there in silence. Eventually she looks over and notices her dirty plates from the last few days. Kara gets up off of her bed and heads over to her desk and grabs the plates. Kara makes her way out of her room and downstairs into the kitchen. Once Kara enters the kitchen she begins to clean her plates, almost robotically. Kara doesn't think of anything while she cleans her plates, just that she has a task and needs to clean them. After a few minutes Winn comes up from behind Kara.

"Kara! There you are!" Winn says with a smile.

Kara turns around and gives Winn and emotionless look.

"Yes, hello Winslow." Kara nods and then turns back around to continue to wash her dishes.

Winn gets a frown on his face.

"Uhhhh, Kara? Are you okay? You sound.... strange." Winn asks, confused.

Kara finishes washing the dishes and turns off the tap, placing the clean dishes on the draining board. She then turns around to look at Winn.